"Close my eyes"

My feet on the ground but I can't run
Drowning the noise inside my head
Who is this man that I've become?
It's killing me to see myself
How do you learn how to forgive
When deep down inside you can't forget
With all that I regret
And I pray for the first time in a long time
The lies fade away..

Finally I'm waking up
I feel like I can let you go
Say everything I wanted to say
I'm okay with being alone

When I close my eyes
When I close my eyes

I'm alive

I never was sure but now I am
This was the choice I had to make
Maybe I'll never understand
Sometimes you got to make mistakes

Finally I'm waking up
I feel like I can let you go
Say everything I wanted to say
I'm okay with being alone
Finally I'm facing up
I feel like I can let it show
And know I can walk away
I'm okay with being alone

When I close my eyes (close my eyes, close my eyes)
When I close my eyes (close my eyes, close my eyes)

When I close my eyes
How do you know where to go when you go away?
When I close my eyes
How do you know that you know when it's over?

I see for the first time in a long time
Believe in me when I say..

Finally I'm waking up
I feel like I can let you go
Say everything I wanted to say
I'm okay with being alone
Finally I'm facing up
I feel like I can let it show
And know I can walk away
I'm okay with being alone

When I close my eyes (close my eyes, close my eyes)
When I close my eyes (close my eyes, close my eyes)
I'm alive

I'm alive

The show went well that night. Brian's voice sounded clear and strong again after suffering from flu the week before. He hadn't seen Nicky anymore that night. He noticed that she didn't showed up for the "after show" drink at the venue. An hour later the crew and the guys went back to the hotel.

During the one hour drive to the hotel Brian fell asleep.

It felt like only minutes later that Lauren gently tried to wake him up
"Brian, time to wake up. We're at the hotel" she softly pushed him.

He stretched out and yawned "thank you sweetheart" and got up from his seat to leave the bus.

The others left the bus quietly, feeling tired themselves.

Brian felt a headache coming up. As they stood in the lobby of the hotel he decided to head off to bed while the others stayed up for a last drink at the bar.

He made his way to his room and sighed as he opened the door. He dropped the keycard on the table, kicked off his shoes, took off his clothes until he was only in his boxers and brushed his teeth. He peeked at the alarm clock and saw it was 1:30 pm. He then fell on his bed with a deep sigh and turned down the lights.

"I'm sorry for what happened" Nicky cried. His heart broke by the sad look on her face.

Brian gently wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair. "It's okay baby" he shushed her and kissed her forehead. With his hand he lifted her face and looked her deep in her eyes. He felt such a strong love for her. He kissed her softly. Nicky eagerly answered his kiss.

Brian woke up the next morning and rubbed his eyes. The first thought that came up to him was the memory of the dream he had last night. He remembered it vividly. This was weird. He never felt attracted to her. So why this dream? He decided not to worry about it anymore.

He did his morning prayer, packed his bag for the aqua park and went downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast.

The others had already started breakfast without him. The floor was filled with traveler bags. Brian got his breakfast and a cappuccino and joined the group.

"Everything okay? You look tired." AJ mumbled while the others were occupied in their own conversations.

"I'm fine. I didn't sleep too well. I don't know why but I hope tonight will be better" Brian yawned and took another bite of his croissant with marmalade.

"I know how it feels. I hate broken nights" AJ reached for his orange juice and took a sip. "I'm gonna go get some milk with cereals. You want some too?".

"Yeah sure! Oh and can you bring me another cappuccino?" Brian picked his cup for AJ to refill it.

"Hmmm, only because you slept so bad" AJ grinned and took off to the breakfast buffet.

After breakfast they took off to the aquapark. Brian drove one of the mini vans and had Kevin, Kristen and Mason and Howie, Leigh and James. It was a fun drive with laughter and goofing around.   Brian felt a lot better than he did this morning. Today was going to be a great day.


In the other minivan that left a little later Nicky stared out the window. She'd talked to her mom this morning and found out that her brother didn't do too well. He was sick for quite a while now and his health didn't seem to improve. Yesterday the doctor ordered him to go to the hospital to run some regular tests. Her brother is the kind of guy that always was very active and involved in sports. Knowing he was down for so long made her feel sad.

"A penny for your thoughts" Rochelle tapped Nicky on her shoulder.

Nicky smiled sad "Oh it's nothing. My brother is having some tests done today in the hospital and I was thinking of him".

"I hope it's nothing serious?" Rochelle looked at her worried.

"I hope so" Nicky answered. She looked inside her purse to see if there were any messages but there weren't any.

"Were at aqua park guys, it's time for fun" AJ smiled. "I see the others have arrived too".

He parked the van next to the other one. Everybody got out of the vehicle and bags where loaded off.

While everybody got their bags both Brian and Nicky where the last ones to get theirs. Brian did noticed that she avoided him. She quickly grabbed her bag and turned away from him. Before he could say something to her Howie came rushing back to the car.

"I think I left my cell in the car" Howie said as he walked back and opened the door of the passengers side.

Nicky made advantage of the situation to hurry herself to the entrance of the park. Brian turned away from the car just in time to see a glimpse from her as she went arround the corner of the building.

"Hola mi amigo, earth to Brian" Howie slapped him on the shoulder "is there something going on between the two of you?".

"No" Brian blushed "just a silly argument, that's all".

"Are you sure that's all?" Howie grinned.

"What do you mean" Brian's face turned a little more red.

"Oh nothing, but for a moment I saw you staring at her so I figured....." Howie paused "you know what, never mind. Lets go inside".

Brian was relieved that Howie left the subject to rest.

They both walked to the entrance of the aquapark when they noticed everybody already went inside.

"So nice that they waited for us" Howie said grumpily.

"You bring my thoughts into words" Brian slapped him on the shoulder.

"Why can't they wait for us? Is that really too much to ask" Howie looked upset.

"I don't know bro. All I know is that people, even in groceriestores, can't stand to wait these days. I guess we're getting old" Brian smiled.

When he looked at Howie he noticed that Howie didn't laugh at his joke.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Howie sighed "well Leigh and I.... Things aren't going well lately. We.... we fight a lot about small things and somehow… I don’t know… it’s like we can’t stand each other anymore.  

"Seriously?" Brian was shocked. They had been together even before he and Leighanne got together and they’d always seem as the picture perfect dream couple.

“Yeah, really”.

“Have you talked to her about it?”

“I tried to bring it on a couple of times but every time I do that we get in huge fights. She blames me for not putting enough effort in our relationship” Howie looked down.

To complete the setting of the conversation rain dripped on their heads and within seconds it started pouring heavily down from the sky.

“Shit” Brian and Howie rushed to the entrance, almost soaking wet.

They went inside.

“Stop by my room tonight okay. We’ll have a drink and continue our conversation” Brian gave him a soft smile.

“I will, thanks bro” Howie returned the little smile and hugged him. They walked up to the reception and bought their tickets. They walked towards the dressing rooms to get their swimwear on.

*****

Meanwhile Nicky already had entered the park with the others. She decided that today would  be a relaxing day. That moment where she’d been standing at the car, all alone with Brian, was quite awkward. Fortunately Howie had came to the rescue.

Nick had been right. It was best to leave things to rest. She and Rochelle where now in one of the herbal Jacuzzi’s. They were both enjoying the sound of the bubbling water.

 *****

Brian walked into the pool area and noticed a sign which offered the possibility to get a massage done. That was exactly what he needed. He told Howie his plans and walked to the desk to get himself on the list.

 “You can come with me right away” the blond older lady said to him.

“Oh, that’s great” Brian, wrapped up in his trunks and bathrobe  followed the lady in the massage room.

“My name is Lillian and I’ll be the one performing the massage on you” she smiled.

“Okay, my name is Brian” he smiled.

“ Well, nice to meet you Brian”.

 After she’d closed the door behind him she invited him to lay down on his chest on the massage table. He could leave his trunks on and that part got covered with a towel.

“Do you have any issues with your back or maybe other areas on your body that is painful?” she asked while preparing the treatment.

“No, not that I know off”.

“That’s good. First I’m going to explain the treatment to you. This treatment will specifically be for back side of your body. First I’ll start with the back of your head. Then the back of your neck and shoulders, your arms, then your back, the back of your legs and I’ll end with your feet”.

“Excellent, I can’t wait” Brian smiled.

“Great, let’s get started” Lillian smiled and started the massage “and if there’s anything you find uncomfortable or hurting please let me know. This massage is not supposed to be hurtful or unpleasant”.

In the back ground soft pan flute music came out of the stereo.

She placed her hands on the back of his head and started the massage. Her hands gentle massaging his head caused shivers on his spine and goose bumps all over his body.

“Wow, that’s amazing” he moaned with his eyes closed.

She moved to his neck and shoulders and Brian sighed. This was a good thing. He really enjoyed the massage.  

When the massage continued he noticed a slight change of massaging style. The hands softy stroked his spine and even though he couldn’t see her, he could feel her bending over him.   

 Her mouth kissed his back and soon her mouth and tongue took over from her hands. Brian moaned by that feeling. Being shocked that the masseuse would do that he lifted his head to look over his shoulder as he saw Nicky. Apparently she took over from Lillian.

She smiled “You like that?” she whispered in his ear.

“Yes” he whispered.

She continued kissing his back and used her tongue to make circles up and down his spine. She lowered to the edge of his towel and softly licked his beltline. That move drove Brian insane. He felt his manhood rising by her touch. He wanted to turn around to face her but she forced him to stay where he was. She slowly removed the towel from his trunks and softly massaged his ass. Knowing they where her hands completely set him on fire.

Just before he wanted to turn around to her to make love to her, he softly got tapped on his shoulder.

“Brian wake up, the massage is over” he heard a voice from far away.

Brian opened his eyes and needed some time to realize where he was.

“I noticed you falling asleep during the massage” Lillian smiled.

“Yeah I did, didn’t I” Brian got up and stretched out. He felt embarrassed about having that dream in the presence of Lillian and crossed his fingers that she hadn’t noticed him dreaming about Nicky. “I didn’t snore right?” he blushed.

“Don’t worry. You slept real calm and didn’t make any noise” she smiled.

“Thank you so much for the massage” Brian gave her a hug, said goodbye and walked out of the room. He held the bathrobe in one arm.

When he went through the door, back to the pool area, he bumped into Nicky. Brian felt his cheeks turned red. “Hi” he smiled shy. She looked so freakin’ hot in her purple and black colored bikini.

“Hi” she responded shy and turned red also. “I… eh.. have to go. I have a massage scheduled” she tried to avoid him.

“Really?  I just came out of one myself. It is awesome. Enjoy okay” he smiled at her.

“Thanks, I will” she was confused. He had first been yelling at her and now he was all nice to her. That was strange.  

“See you later” he smiled and continued his walk to Nick and Lauren. He felt his stomach turn. Was he falling for her?

“Yeah, maybe later” she mumbled and went on to the massage room. Brian looked so hot in his black trunks, his strong muscled arms and his gorgeous looking six pack that she felt mesmerized. She tried to push away that thought. It would never work between them. She wasn’t the kind of girl he would fall for. Hell he didn’t even like her as a person. He made that very clear the other day. He could easily date models or other extremely beautiful women so no need to fantasize about something that would never happen. Not worth falling in love when you don’t stand a chance she thought.