The clang of forks and knives on plates was overwhelming. No one wanted to say anything for fear that another fight would break out and someone else would spill the beans on some kind of personal information they would rather not be made public.

The only thing Nick could hear over the ringing in his ears from years of loud music was the sound of broccoli crunching between his teeth. He was trying to keep his attention on the table but the sight of blood pooling beneath the steak on Tommy’s plate directly to his left was a bit too much for him to handle and he soon found himself glancing around at everyone else.

They were all preoccupied with their meals as if there were a chance it could be their last. Catching his cousin’s eyes across the table he sent the other man a friendly smile, not knowing what else to do.

“So, Nick,” Becca chirped through the silence, trying to break the ice. “When are you going back on tour?”

Nick chuckled at the question and gave her a curious glance, “We need a new record first. I had been thinking about doing some solo dates, though. Nothing major, just a few shows to keep me fresh during my downtime.”

“It must be exciting to get to bring Peggy along, so you guys won’t have to be apart,” the woman commented cheerfully.

Nick’s eyebrows furrowed and he sent an inquisitive look between his girlfriend and her friend, “She’s come out to visit me before. I guess it still depends on her work schedule and if she finds something as flexible.”

Peggy was glaring at her friend, trying to give Becca an unspoken signal not to say anything more but the other woman was looking at Nick, ignoring her.

“I thought she was going to be helping you out with stuff?”

Nick laughed and Peggy felt like she could have died. She knew it was silly to have mentioned that she was going to be working for Nick, especially since they hadn’t really talked about it in too much detail. She needed to feel as though she was working towards an occupational goal and he had said that she would make a good personal assistant, after all.

“Is that some kind of sexual reference?” Nick joked and Peggy covered her face with both hands. “Although having a girlfriend on the road is pretty helpful, I’ve been away enough times that I know how to go without.”

“That’s not what she means,” Peggy told him, resting her hand on his forearm more forcefully than she had intended. “Remember when we were talking about you getting a new personal assistant and then you said that I’d be really good at something like that?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, still not getting what was happening until suddenly it dawned on him as if a light bulb had gone off atop his head. “Oh... babe, I pay a company to hook me up with a PA. My schedule can get pretty crazy so I don’t know if someone inexperienced could handle that workload. Did you want me to see if they need entry level people or something?”

Peggy waved him off, her cheeks blushing crimson, “Just forget it, Nick. I’ll explain later.”

After Peggy’s dismissal the awkward silence fell over the group again and everyone went back to their meals, trying to forget anything had even been said.

“Are you going to the party?” Pete suddenly spoke, becoming the next person to try and break the painful silence. Everyone at the table looked around, confused by the comment until they realized that Pete was addressing Nick directly.

“What party?”

Pete chuckled, not surprised that Nick wasn’t aware of what he was talking about since he had missed pretty much every family gathering over the last decade.

“Grandpa’s 80th birthday party,” he said with a twinge of condescension.

The blonde swallowed a mouthful of rice and admitted, “I wasn’t invited.”

“You are so invited,” Pete chuckled. “I know he’d like it if you were there so he doesn’t have to spend the whole time talking you up to everyone who will listen. You’re the man’s pride and joy.”

Nick was genuinely surprised by the comment and realized regretfully just how long it had been since he had gone to visit his grandparents. Now that he was living in New York City it seemed like the perfect opportunity to make the trip up north and see them before he no longer had a chance to.

“Well then, I’d like to go.”

“Is that in Florida?” Peggy asked and Pete raised a curious eyebrow.

“No,” Pete answered for his cousin, “our grandparents live upstate, in Chautauqua,” he added, silently wondering how much about his family life Nick had opted not to tell his girlfriend about.

“My parents are from New York,” Nick explained. “They met in Jamestown and that’s where I was born. We moved to Florida when I was five.”

“I knew that!” Becca chirped brightly and a few questioning glances were sent her way. “Google,” she explained shamelessly.

Peggy chuckled but inside she wasn’t laughing. She was starting to think that her decision to not look up her boyfriend’s name on the internet like every other person in her life had done was a mistake. It seemed that the people she was close to knew more about him just from reading his bio on Wikipedia than she knew from his own admission. They spent many hours laying in bed together talking about everything imaginable but as she replayed the memories over in her head she realized that Nick had been somewhat mum on his family.

He had talked a fair amount about himself - his goals and dreams, likes and dislikes - but he hadn’t told her much about his family, his seemingly shady history with the law or how he really got to be the man he was now. He had asked her all of those questions instead, distracting her from peering any further into his own life.

She was beginning to feel embarrassed and even stupid every time she asked a question only to find out it was yet another thing that she didn’t know about Nick’s life. Making a silent vow, she pledged to get some of these lingering questions answered by whatever means necessary. 

~*~

It was days before Peggy would devote a single thought to lunch at the golf club. She had been doing everything in her power not to think about the awkward and, at times, embarrassing exchange between her boyfriend and her friends. She had come to settle on the fact that maybe hanging out in large groups with Nick wasn’t a good idea any more - especially if Dustin was going to make an appearance every time Amy did. 

They had filled their time after the golf fiasco shopping for furniture, decorating the house, taking piles of empty boxes to the recycling depot - regular everyday things. There hadn’t been a single fight, barely even a disagreement, since the car ride home from the golf course when Peggy had given Nick a good dose of the cold shoulder for over exaggerating stories about their sex life, but she quickly got over it. After some reflection she realized she understood where he was coming from - even if she didn’t necessarily like it. After all, that seemed like something most men did even when they weren’t under pressure from an overbearing ex-boyfriend.

Now that she was finally over the anger that came along with that day Peggy had realized that the party for Nick’s grandfather and any talk of his family issues had gone absolutely unmentioned. Additionally, there was still the looming matter of the mystery interview that Becca claimed would prove Nick would never be getting down on one knee in their lifetime. With curiosity getting the best of her she decided that maybe it was finally time to bite the bullet and do what every other person in her life had done - Google the man she loved.

“Nick?” Peggy called out curiously as she made her way up the stairs, feeling a bit like she was on some sort of secret spy mission. She had gotten rid of her computer when they had moved in together because it seemed silly to have multiple laptops, a desktop, iPads and iPhones all lying around the house for two people. She didn’t spend much time on the computer for much other than her email and Facebook which her phone more than accommodated for.

She inched down the hallway toward Nick’s office, still unsure of where in the house he was hiding. She called out his name a second time, looking suspiciously over both shoulders. She was just passing the door to their bedroom when it suddenly swung open and Nick stepped out into the hallway.

Jumping back in shock she threw her hand to her chest, breathing heavy as she fought to get her stomach back down out of her throat.

“You scared the shit out of me!” she squealed, slapping him soundly on the forearm.

“Ouch,” Nick whined, rubbing the red mark where she had struck him. “Why are you so jumpy? Are you hiding something?”

He was teasing but she couldn’t keep a blush from rising up her neck onto her cheeks.

“No,” she waved him off, “didn’t you hear me calling you?”

He nodded, “That’s why I came out here. What’s up?”

Peggy took note of his outfit - basketball shorts and a tank top - watching as he pulled his heart rate monitor watch onto his wrist. “Where are you going?”

“The gym,” he answered, his focus still on securing the strap of the watch. “I was gonna work out here but I feel like using some different equipment. Gonna destroy my back and biceps and go for a run on the track. Wanna come?”

What she wanted to do was sit in front of the computer and find out every single mundane detail about Nick’s life without him knowing but she knew he would find it suspicious if she turned down going to the gym. It was one of the many things they loved to do together and one of the few that happened outside of the house.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Can you wait for a bit though? I just want to use your computer really quick then I’ll get changed.”

“Why?” he wondered, his eyebrows furrowing quizzically.

Peggy looked down at her own clothes, motioning to the pajama bottoms she was still wearing. “I’m not exactly dressed for the gym, so I’d like to change.”

Nick chuckled and playfully pushed her shoulder, “I meant why do you need to use my computer. I know why you need to change.”

“I just need to Google something,” she explained but the look in his eyes told her he wasn’t satisfied with the answer. “A recipe, for dinner. I was going to go to the store today so we might as well go on the way back from the gym.”

His attention had moved from his watch to his cell phone and Peggy could tell he was starting the never-ending process of compulsively checking his email, something he did at least once every half hour and whenever he wanted to ignore her.

“I don’t want to go to the grocery store all sweaty,” he complained without even glancing up, sounding at least a decade younger than he actually was. “I’ll end up in US Weekly or something looking like shit.”

Peggy rolled her eyes, anxious to get away from the situation since now she not only had to Google him but also find some recipe to print off for dinner. “Then wait in the car, Nick. It’s not like you won’t spend the whole time looking at your Twitter anyway. Can we discuss this after? The longer we talk the longer it will take to get to the gym.”

“Fair enough,” he agreed, reluctantly sticking his phone in his pocket. “I’ll go cut up some fruit for a snack later.”

“Thank you, sweetie,” Peggy quickly kissed his cheek then sent him on his way with a firm pat on his behind. As soon as he was out of sight she launched into motion, practically hopping into the desk chair in front of Nick’s computer. She grabbed the mouse and opened up a Safari browser, watching the familiar Google homepage load.

She resisted the temptation to click on the animated Google doodle that was featured on the page and instead began typing Nick’s name into the search bar. Immediately, the search engine started trying to guess what it was that she was going to type, the first suggestions coming up after Nick’s name being twitter, net worth and wiki.

She sighed heavily, leaning her chin against the palm of her hand as she wondered what the next move would be. She was just about to settle on searching for his name alone when something came over her and she impulsively added the word marriage to the end of the search and hit enter.

The first entry that popped up was an article on a celebrity gossip blog. The headline read Nick Carter: Career before marriage and kids and she felt her heart drop. Peggy clicked on the article, holding her breath in anticipation of what the context could be. The top of the page had a picture of Nick and his ex from some event. His hair was much longer and was atrociously styled. His outfit was even more ridiculous and appeared to have been straight out of a 70’s porno - clearly the girlfriend had dressed him. He also didn’t look particularly happy to be photographed.

Peggy had seen a photo of Elizabeth before but she had never really looked at her. The two of them could not be more different in appearance. For one thing, Elizabeth looked old and busted compared to her - if she did say so herself. It was no surprise to her now that Nick had opted to have a younger girlfriend because women his age definitely looked it. Peggy was pretty confident that Nick could pass for much younger than he was but Elizabeth definitely couldn’t. She had obviously spent too much time in a tanning bed.

Shaking her head free she got back on topic, reading the rest of the article and five others that she found that were just like it. From what she could tell it all came back to his parent’s divorce. He didn’t trust that marriages worked because he didn’t have a good example of a happy marriage in his life. Peggy did though, her parents were very happy together, so she wished that Nick would be able to someday see her side of things.

She had wished that Becca had been wrong, that Nick hadn’t said those things but it was plain as day. He had said it in interviews on video, radio and in print spanning years of his career so there was no denying that it was true. She was never going to get the ring she wanted some day and, despite his decree in the articles that he would one day like to settle down and have a family, she had a feeling that their only children would be the four-legged, furry variety.

It made her wonder what the point of it all was and whether staying would Nick would only be a few years of her life she would never get back before she looked old and busted just like Elizabeth and he went and found himself someone other young woman to entertain him.

“You’re not even dressed yet?!” Nick’s voice assaulted her eardrums and she jumped a foot out of the chair in shock.

Quickly closing the windows she had open, Peggy prayed that Nick hadn’t seen his own image on the screen in front of her.

“I couldn’t find the recipe I was looking for,” she lied.

“I’m going to the gym. With or without you. Hurry your pretty ass up.”

Peggy watched him walk out the door to go back downstairs and she let out a heavy sigh, running her hands through her long hair in frustration. She sent a longing glance towards the computer before forcing herself to get up and get dressed to join him for the afternoon.