Leaves were dancing around him in a coreography made of yellow and orange, brown and red. Grey was the colour of the sky, with a timid sun left to bring out a little bit of warmth.
«Autumn. Remember, Nick? It's my favorite season. You've always prefered summer, the season where the sun stays up in a sky whose colour is the same shade of blue of the ocean. You said... you said that autumn was a halfway season, neither too warm or too cold. You didn't know how to define it and it made you sad seeing nature slowly dying before winter came. And I... I tried to explaing to you that that was the beauty of autumn, the fact that trees and flowers decided that it was time to hide in a safe corner before the clod would chose for them.
You... you acted like the autumn. You've decided to go before some storm or snow would have make you weaker or destroyed you. But you've forgotten me. You left me here , in this eternal winter, without even giving me the chance to prepare myself for it. I only have this phone and the hope to be wherever you are right now.
I've tried. I've tried to stand up once again and begin a sort of new life. But it's so damn hard! Once everything was in order and cleaned, once normality was back again in hour home, I realized that it didn't matter how much I'd cleaned, how much I'd let the windows open or the tv on. Your absence is always here, it's a seed that doesn't seems to stop gnawing my ground and it's taking me lower and lower.
There is no solution. I can't stay here but I know I can't, I don't want to go back to Kevin's.
Do you know that I still haven't been in our bedroom? I''ve tried, I've opened the door and put a hand on the jamb: your scent literally puched me. It was there like nothing had happened. Like you never went away. For a moment, I believed it. For a moment, I let myself inside the illusion that you were only in the bathroom on in another room of the house and it would only have taken a shout to see you once again.
And that's what I did.
Stupid and hopeful, I've called your name and the only reply I got back was a stab straight through my heart. Because you aren't here.
I closed that door. I closed it and I hid the key.
I closed that door and I never opened it again. I'm sleeping on the couch lately. It's comfortable and if a nightmare wakes me up, I can immediately turn on the tv and let time slip away. Let it slip like it doesn't really matter anymore.
Nick, if you can't come back, and I know now that you can't, there is only one thing left to do. I've to find you. Wherever you are. It's how it should be, right? Frick and Frack, together. It's all I want. It's all desire. Be at your side, whether it's here on earth or up there in heaven. You know... without you, it's like I'm already dead.»
Brian stopped in front of the wrought - iron railing, a protection for the river down there. In front of him, only the infinite sky.
«Will you wait for me?»
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for anyone who's reading. ^_^
