Daddies’ Girls
By Dottie
Copyright 2012
Chapter 26
Jade
Once again I find myself in the N-ICU watching Jasmine. She’s a lot stronger now and hopefully tomorrow I can hold her. I ache to hold her. My tiny baby girl. I have my hands on her incubator and I’m singing softly to her when I hear the door open. Figuring it’s a nurse, I don’t even turn.
I jump when I feel someone’s hands on my hips. I turn to find Nick standing there. His eyes meet mine and he whispers, “Jade…”
I fall against him, burying my head in his chest. “Nick…I’m so sorry!”
He strokes my hair and whispers, “Shh. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
I sniffle, holding onto him tightly. “You don’t hate me?”
He kisses my head. “Jade, there’s nothing in this world that could ever make me hate you.” He pushes me back and forces me to look at him. “I love you and I can’t imagine my world without you and our kids in it.”
I let my tears fall as I glance down at Jasmine. “She’ll be ok, won’t she Nick?”
He puts his forehead against mine. “Of course she will. Come on, let’s go talk.”
I nod. I take one last look at Jasmine. I put my hand on the incubator and Nick covers it with his. I see his wedding band and I know it’s time. Time I let go of the insecurities of my past and put all my faith into my husband. My wonderful, loving, caring husband.
When we get back to my room, he helps me get into bed then sits beside me and takes my hand. I can’t look him in the eye. I’m so ashamed that I lost faith in him. I barely manage to whisper, “Nick, I’m so sorry.” He runs his thumb over my knuckles, not speaking. “I know you love me. I’ve known all along. I don’t know why…I just can’t let it go.”
He scoots closer to me and says, “Jade, look at me.” When I force my gaze to his, he says, “Jade, when we were together…when we watched those movies, it wasn’t Lilly turning me on then, it was always you.”
I shake my head. “No…you told me how hot she was…I saw how she turned you on.”
He shakes his head and takes my face in his hands. “I didn’t want you to know how thoroughly hooked on you I was. I wanted to maintain control over our relationship. I didn’t want us to get serious. I wanted to snap my fingers and you be there with no strings attached. I never in my life EVER fantasized about Lilly the way I did with you.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “But in LA…”
He shrugs. “In LA, I was in shock. Meeting her at the airport was a jolt. I knew instantly who she was and for a brief minute, I thought about it. But when we…were making out in the car, I couldn’t. I couldn’t even get a hard on. All I thought of was what we used to do before, during and after her movies.”
He looks away. I bring his gaze back to mine. “Nick…you know I have always loved you and I would do whatever it took to make you happy. Even if walking away had made you happy, I would have done it.”
He smiles sadly. “I know. And you did walk away. When I got together with Paige. Don’t you realize how hard it was for me to let you go? I remember that weekend like it was yesterday. I wanted to bury myself in you and never leave.”
I sniffle and whisper, “You did. You gave me Calleigh.”
He pulls me close and we cry together. He buries his face in my neck and he whispers, “I’m sorry I ever made you doubt yourself. How can I ever make it up to you?”
I lay against his chest, feeling his heart beating under my hand. I slowly sit back and say, “There is nothing to make up for. I am the one who has a lot to make up for. I’ll do anything Nick. Anything to make you stay with me. Please…please say you’ll forgive me.”
He wipes away my tears. “Nothing to forgive, Jade. You’ve always had my love and I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”
I feel something squeezing my hand. I open my eyes to find Calleigh standing there. Nick is still laying with me. He’s behind me and I can tell he’s sleeping. I hear him snoring softly.
I squeeze Calleigh’s hand and whisper, “What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head. I see tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry Mom. About everything.”
One thing about having a celebrity for a husband, I have a posh hospital room with a larger-than-normal bed. I scoot back more firmly against Nick and Calleigh lays down beside me, like she did when she was little. “Why are you sorry, Ladybug?” I ask, using the pet name I had for her when she was just a toddler.
She sniffles and says, “I caused so many problems hiding that movie for Reese.”
I close my eyes, wishing I could erase my daughter’s knowledge of that particular part of my sister’s past. “Calleigh, it’s not your fault. None of this is. Finding that movie didn’t cause me to go into labor. I was already there, I just didn’t know it. It had nothing to do with finding that movie.”
She glances up at me. “Seriously?”
I nod, tears shimmering on my lashes. “Baby, you’re too young to understand, but my body was ready for Jasmine to leave. I didn’t see the signs because I thought it was too early and to be frank, I spent the whole pregnancy tired. I was used to the feeling. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Except mine.”
From behind me, Nick mumbles sleepily. “Wasn’t your fault either, Jade.”
Calleigh sighs and says, “Sorry if I woke you Daddy.”
He kisses my shoulder as he moves his hand over Calleigh to include her in his embrace. “Don’t be Pixie. Not often I get to hug my two favorite girls at the same time.”
She smiles at him. “Daddy…Mom…I want to spend the rest of the summer with Aunt Lilly. Can I?”
I feel Nick stiffen. Before he can speak, I say, “Why Calleigh?”
She sighs. “Aunt Lilly’s been great. She’s…she’s shown us…how lucky we are to have parents who care. And she’s sort of explained why you guys are always so over-protective. I…she doesn’t treat me like a kid. And I feel like I’m growing up a lot.”
I feel Nick sigh into my neck. He says, “Pixie…I don’t want you to grow up. I want you to still need me to fix your problems.”
She chews on her lip. “Daddy…I love you but I don’t think you fix them. I think you hide them. I have to face my problems and deal with them on my own.” I think Nick is stunned his Pixie is standing up to him. She rushes on, saying, “And please, don’t put Reese down any more. She’s not bad. She…we’re exactly the same. Only, she’s not afraid to stand up to her mom and dad when she feels like she has to.”
I feel his body stiffen. Before he can say anything, I whisper, “Calleigh, you don’t have to be afraid of us.”
She sighs and sits up. “I’m not afraid of YOU! I just don’t…I don’t want to let you down so I never stand up to you when I think you’re wrong. I’m not strong enough.”
Nick kisses my shoulder before standing. He moves around the bed until he’s facing Calleigh. He takes her face in his hands and says, “Calleigh, all Mom and I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I know I spoiled you and I’m not sorry I did. But I am sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t stand up for what you believe in. I love you and I’m proud of you. And if Mom doesn’t care…I’m ok with you spending the summer with Aunt Lilly.”
He says the last line so fast, I want to giggle. Calleigh looks at me and I can’t say no. “If you want to Calleigh, I don’t care.”
Her face lights up. “Really? You don’t mind?”
Before I can answer, a nurse comes into my room. “I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Carter. The doctor wanted me to let you know if you want to hold Jasmine…she can come out of the incubator now.”
I feel the air whoosh from my lungs and I struggle to sit up. “Really? I can hold her?”
The nurse smiles brightly. “You all can. Come on, I’ll get you into some scrubs and get you sterilized.”
Nick has an arm around me and an arm around Calleigh as we walk down the hallway. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than I am at this moment. My family is whole again. My heart is full. My life is with Nick and our kids. What more could I want?
