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Before: Erection Extinguished


Ashley

"Well room service closed at nine-thirty," Nick said, putting the phone down. He'd pretty much gone through the entire phone book trying to find a place that had steak on the menu, which is what he'd decided he wanted. Apparently Kansas was not as happening a place as Los Angeles.

"You could get a cow out of a field," I joked. "I saw at least a thousand on the way here."

Nick turned back to the phone book.

"Honestly, at this point, does it have to be steak?" I asked in my best pleading voice, "Can't it just be whatever's open?" I was hungry enough I would've eaten a hot dog out of one of those rolling cookers at a truck stop.

Nick consented and called three more places before he found the obvious answer: "There's an IHOP like seven miles from here."

"Done."

We got to the IHOP about forty minutes later and basked in its 24-hour glow. The waitress was a little old woman with blonde hair styled like she was still in 1962 and her lip stick on her teeth. She gave us menus and waddled away carrying her order pad in her apron pocket. Nick opened the menu, "I can't believe I didn't notice this at the first glance," he muttered.

IHOP was our thing.

We once did an IHOP tour. But that's a whole story all its own.

"I can't believe you didn't either," I said, "Seriously Nickolas, you're slipping."

He looked over the menu at me, I could only see his eyes. The menu blocked almost all of his scar, and for a moment I forgot all the shit we'd been through in the past six months and it was just me and Nick sitting across from each other at IHOP. His eyes sparkled, and I could tell he was smirking at me from behind that menu... I laughed.

"What?" he asked. He lowered the menu, and the spell broke.

I shook my head, "Nothing," I lied.

"Something," he said, eyeballing me.

"I was just thinking you're cute," I answered.

His face turned as red as my hair. He ducked back behind the menu. I could hear him whispering to himself back there. I laughed and reached over and plucked the menu away. "Getting good answers?" I teased him.

"Just.. the same one... over and over again," he replied. He stared at me. "Ashley, you ever like just know when something's right and you dunno how to explain it to other people but it's just perfect?"

I thought about what he was saying. "You mean like when you find just the right foothold on the bed or the perfect position on the couch so your arm doesn' t fall asleep?"

Nick's face twisted in confusion for a second, then he said slowly, "I guess."

"Well what do you mean?" I asked.

"Just... you know... you find like... the perfect person and they're just perfect for you and --"

"You mean like me and Chris."

Nick's face twisted again. "Not exactly what I meant but --"

"Did you meet someone?" I asked him. He never talked like this. I was intrigued. I wanted to know who the lady was. I felt a pang of jealousy, too. She must've been something really special to have him talking like this. Like I said... Nick never talked like this.

Nick shrugged, "I dunno, not really met..."

I raised my eyebrow, "Nickolas, are you Internet dating?"

"What? No!" he scowled.

I eyed him. "You know her name at least, right?"

"Oh I know her name," he assured me.

"Do I know her?"

Nick opened his mouth to reply, but the waitress showed up. "Can I take your order?" she asked, pulling the notepad out of her pouch pocket and grinning down at us with her lipsticked teeth.

"Pancake puppies," I said, grinning at Nick, "With the powdered sugar, please. With bacon on the side and orange juice."

"Okay... and for you?" The waitress turned to Nick as she finished writing down my order.

Nick was staring at me. I kicked him under the table.

"I'll um, I'll have the same," he stammered.

The waitress scribbled on the pad, then waddled away.

"What? No breakfast burrito?" I nudged him in the shin with my toes.

"Nawh," he replied.

"You feeling okay? You look pale or something," I said.

Nick shrugged, "I'll be right back." He scooted out of the booth and walked off to the men's restroom, which was around a corner behind one of those claw games with all the stuffed animals. I sat and waited.




Nick

I paced in the men's restroom. "Stupid, stupid, stupid..." I muttered as I walked back and forth and back and forth. I couldn't believe I'd let such a perfect opportunity to say something to her slip by me. I'd sworn to myself when she'd fallen asleep in my arms back at the hotel that I'd tell her that I loved her and that I'd do anything to make her feel safe like that every night for the rest of my life. But then I'd tried out there and I'd gotten all retarded and tongue-tied and she'd mistaken what I meant, and I felt like a total idiot now.

Why in the hell was it so damn hard to just say three little words to her?

I knew why. Because her hair smelled fruity and nice and her skin was soft and she used fabric softener when she cleaned her clothes. It was because she was Ashley and she was so perfect that all I could do was yammer like an idiot, proving myself not good enough.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid..." I continued muttering as I paced.

The door creaked. "Hello?" It was the waitress, calling from the door.

"Someone in here," I called back. She probably wanted to clean or something.

"Your wife was wondering where you went to," she called back.

I stared at the mirror, "She's not my wife," I replied.

"Oh. Fiance." The door closed and she was gone.

I shook my head, "Fuck I wish," I answered, even though she wasn't there to hear me.

I took a deep breath and splashed my face with ice water before returning to the table. Ashley was pouring maple syrup over the piping hot pancake puppies the waitress must've just brought over before coming to find me. She looked up as I sat down, "Welcome back, Carter," she quipped, grinning.

"Thanks Barbarino," I replied. I took the syrup jar after she was finished with it and poured it over my own pancake puppies.

Ashley speared one of the balls with her fork and shoved it into her mouth, humming with delight. "Oh God yeah," she moaned, "Now that hits the spot."

Just like that, I felt an erection coming on.

Jesus.

I took a bite of one of my own puppies and chewed slowly, trying to think of anything except the noise Ashley had just made. It wasn't working very well.

She grinned at me, "What the hell are you thinking about?" she asked, laughing.

You, having an orgasm, I thought. But what I said was "Just... how good maple syrup tastes."

I wondered what maple syrup would taste like if I licked it off of Ashley's skin.

Don't think about that! my brain screamed. My penis was begging otherwise. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and wondered if I could get away with returning to the bathroom.

Ashley's eyebrow was raised and she shook her head, "You are so not thinking about maple syrup."

"Am too," I argued.

Ashley smirked.

"What?"

"You gotta tell me who she is," she replied.

"What?"

"This girl that's so perfect for you that makes you get all excited just thinking about her," Ashley scolded.

"I'm not excited about her," I stammered.

Ashley laughed, "Nick it wouldn't take but a glance under the table to prove me right. Especially not in those jeans you're wearing."

"What's wrong with my jeans?"

"Could they be tighter?"

"They're supposed to be tight."

Ashley laughed. "Seriously. Who is she?"

"She's..." you I wanted to say, she's you. But the words wouldn't come out, so I lamely said, "She's just this girl."

"Just a perfect girl by the sounds."

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Does she know?"

"Know what?"

"That you love her?"

I shook my head.

"You should tell her," Ashley said.

I wanted to blurt it out. The moment would've been perfect. But my tongue felt tied in a knot.

"It's - it's hard - to.. to tell her," I stammered.

Ashley nodded slowly, "I get that. I mean you can actally really truly love someone and be unable to say the words to them..." She sighed. "Chris says it's okay but I can tell it bothers him."

"Wait.. what?"

Ashley flushed. "I haven't told Chris I love him yet," she confessed. "It's just... I dunno. That's weird, right? That I'm marrying him but I can't say I love you to him?"

"A little," I said.

"Chris thinks its because of my abandonment issues," she said.

"You've said it to me," I pointed out. My heart was pounding.

Ashley shrugged. "It's easier to say it to a brother than to a lover, isn't it?"

Erection extinguished. Just like that.

Brother?!

BROTHER?!???!!!

And I thought the word friendhad scorched me before, when I'd first crawled up on the bed to hug her to sleep... that was nothing compared to being called a brother.

Jeuss H. Christ, what the hell have I done, putting off telling her so long?!??