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Before: Seducing the Bride


Nick

"I need your help."

AJ had Ava on his hip. She was crying and smelled like poop. I was standing on his front step at like nine in the morning, bearing my gift of coffee, and grinning.

"What in the holy hell do you need help with at this hour?" AJ asked, like I was there in the middle of the night or something.

"Let me in and I'll tell you."

He looked between my face and the white Starbucks cups in my hands. "That's coffee, not some weird wheat grass whatever soy shit thing right?"

"Yes."

AJ stepped back, "Enter."

I stepped inside. The house looked like all hell had broken loose. Toys were everywhere. AJ led the way through the foyer to the living room. Rochelle was passed out on the couch, and some weird baby show was flashing and singing on the TV. AJ led the way into his kitchen, where he deposited Ava into a baby swing and held out his hand for the coffee. I gave it to him. He took a long sip. "Oh hell," he groaned with satisfaction. "That's the good stuff."

I looked around. Even the kitchen was covered with crap. "Did Babies R Us explode in here?" I asked.

"You just wait," AJ said, jabbing his finger at my chest, "You just wait. She's nine months old and I still ain't figured it all out yet. You're gonna plotz when you're a father someday."

"That's sort of what I'm here to talk to you about."

AJ, who'd been about to take a sip of his coffee, paused. He stared at me over the cup, one eyebrow raised.

"Ashley asked me to be her maid of honor."

AJ lowered the cup. "I'm not sure if I'm glad you didn't say you knocked someone up or if I want to congratulate you for officially trading in your balls for a vagina."

"Patrick Dempsey," I argued.

AJ stared at me for a moment. "So not helping your case, dude."

"Long story short, I need your help. How do I become the best fucking maid of honor ever?" I asked.

AJ took another sip of his coffee. "It depends," he said slowly.

"On?"

"Are you doing this for you or for her?"

"Define?"

"Are you legitimately trying to be the best maid of honor ever or are you trying to seduce the bride?"

I grinned.

AJ sat down at the table, "Okay. Seducing the bride. Got it." He cracked his knuckles. "So you gotta start with doing whatever she needs you to do. Like perfectly."

I nodded.

"Being a bride is very stressful, it takes a lot of planning to get everything just right, and when shit hits the fan it's colossally bad. Just ask Rochelle."

"Did she freak out a lot?" I asked. I felt like I should be taking notes.

"In our wedding, I was the bride dude," AJ replied.

"Right."

"I'm telling you from first hand experience. You cannot let shit hit the fan. You gotta be like the prince on the white steed, see? You gotta show her you're there for her every step of the way. It's not like Ashley had time to get over you all the way so like half your work's already done. You just gotta reinforce that positive feeling she's got lingering in her."

I nodded.

"You need some kind of grand gesture."

"I flew to Miami to get a record for her in January. I still have it. I could give her that."

"Yeah but then you fucked her and disappeared. You need something new."

"I dunno what records she wants though."

"Not a new record, dumbass. Something bigger. Much bigger. Something... something she'll never expect."

I nodded. "Like what?"

"I dunno, you gotta figure that out yourself dude. But trust me, that's what you gotta do."




Ashley

Nick showed up at my door promptly at noon, which we'd agreed upon the day before. "I don't think I've ever seen you actually arrive somewhere on time before," I commented as I opened the door to let him in.

"What can I say, I'm ready to get this party started," he said.

I laughed, "Well c'mon then, Mr. Eager." I waved him into the living room and he threw himself onto my couch like he always had.

He looked around the room. "Not a lot's changed, huh?" he asked.

I looked around too. "Why would anything change?"

"Because Chris moved in?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, he didn't have a ton of stuff."

Nick nodded, "Fair enough." He leaned forward, "So, what's our first order of business?"

I had spent the entire morning digging through boxes to find my Wedding Scrapbook. It was something I'd worked on off and on all my life, a collection of clippings and notes and pictures of all the different things I wanted my wedding to be like, all in a little composition notebook. "This," I said, putting it onto the coffee table.

Nick picked it up. "What's this?" he asked, flipping it open. A picture of him from when we were sixteen at the Eifle tower fell out. I quickly sprung forward and picked it up off the floor. I'd drawn a heart around his head in a red magic marker. He grabbed for it, but I was too quick and fanned myself with it. I could feel my face turning red. I'd forgotten to Nick-proof the damn scrapbook.

"My scrapbook," I said, "Just... you know, silly ideas..." I reached for it, but he held onto it.

"Everything's so...white... and... fluffy," he commented. He was looking at the dresses and cakes section. I'd written down designers, cut types, notes about shapes and fits and veil length. "Princess Diana's veil," Nick said, pointing to a clipping I'd glued in. "You really have done your research."

"Yeah, well... it's what girls do." I sat down and reached for the book again. Nick dodged.

"What's this?"

He was on a page I'd made during a particularly low point in my teen years. I'd glued a picture from an airline ad where they'd shown a father walking his daughter down the aisle, his suitcases behind him at the door, reading get there in time for the headline. I'd glued a picture of my face over the girl's and drawn an X over the man's face.

"Just... when I was like seventeen, I dreamt I'd get walked down the aisle by my dad. Like my real dad." I shrugged. "It's stupid. I mean, I don't know who the guy is, I've never met him, he probably doesn't give a shit if I'm getting married or not. For all I know, he doesn't even know I'm alive."

Nick stared at the page.

"It was just one of those things you do when you're a kid I guess. Dream about Dad walking you down the aisle."

Nick looked up at me. "It's not stupid."

"It is because I don't have a father, see?" I laughed. "I'll just have to walk the aisle alone." I shrugged. "It's okay because once I get to the end, I'm gonna be married to a wonderful man and I'll be happily ever after and someday my kids will get walked down the aisle by him." I reached for the book and got it away from him, but he snapped the picture from the Eifle tower out of my hand in the process.

"What's this?" he asked.

I flushed. "A picture. An old picture."

"Your sixteenth birthday," he said.

I was surprised he remembered. "Yeah," I said.

"Remember when we ate Escargot?"

"Yeah that was sick."

Nick slid the picture in his pocket, then waved at the scrapbook. "Have you ever looked?" he asked.

"What?"

"For your father. Have you ever looked?"

I shrugged. "Not really."

"You know their names, though."

"The group home has it in my paperwork, I think," I answered.

Nick leaned back, rubbing his chin. "Well, if he's a part of the dream wedding... why don't you try?"