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Before: Make My Kid Stop Screaming dot com


Ashley


We were home for about an hour when Nick said, "I don't know what to do."

We were sitting in the living room and had been since we'd come in the door. I was rocking Zoey gently in Nick's recliner while he laid across the couch, his chin on the arm, staring at me and Zoey, who was sound asleep once again.

"About what?" I asked quietly.

Nick shifted on the couch. "In general. Like she's home. Now what?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. I looked up at him.

"Well... like... I'm kinda bored... but... I dunno... it seems wrong to not lay here and look at her or something," he confessed. I was wondering how long it would take Nick to get bored of sitting still and staring at the baby sleep. He'd never had a very long attention span, so honestly I was amazed it'd taken an entire hour.

"Nick, you don't have to just stare at the baby," I laughed.

He sat up. "But I dunno what else to do."

"Do whatever you'd be doing if she wasn't home yet."

"I'd be at the hospital keeping you company," he said simply.

I laughed, "Do whatever you'd be doing if you weren't keeping me company at the hospital."

He stared at me. "I don't know what I'd be doing."

"Nick, just pretend it's any other day," I laughed.

He leaned back on the couch cushions and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm not good at this," he whined.

"Nick you're perfect at it," I said. "Why don't you play video games or something?"

"But the games have guns in it," he argued.

"So?" I asked, confused.

"So it might scare her."

"She doesn't know what guns are yet, baby," I said. Nick was so adorable when he got like this.

He got up and paced around. He went into the kitchen and a moment later came back with a juice. "Do you want a juice?" he asked.

"No thanks," I replied.

He threw himself down on the couch again and opened the juice, taking a sip, and turned on the TV. As it hummed to life, he glanced over at Zoey and I, then turned back to the TV. He flipped through the channels, pausing here and there to look over at Zoey.

Then I felt inspired with an idea that might help him calm down.

"Hey Nick, can you hold Zoey while I take a shower?"

He looked over, an expression of mixed excitement and terror on his face. "I... yeah," he said slowly.

I stood up and walked over and slid Zoey into his arms. She lay heavily against his chest, waking up for a moment as I let her go, but quickly readjusting to Nick's grasp on her and pressing her chubby little cheek into his collar bone. "I'll be out in a few," I said.

Nick had stopped the TV on Sports Center. I had a feeling my baby was gonna be educated in whatever sport they were showing as soon as I left the room.

"Uh huh," Nick said. He was focused on Zoey again.

The shower felt amazing. It'd been a few days since I'd had a real shower. Before Zoey was born. I lingered as long as I dared to in there, washed my hair twice, and got out, wrapping a towel around my hair to let it dry. When I returned to the living room, I tiptoed so Nick wouldn't know I was coming up behind him.

He was talking to Zoey.

"...and I'll take you there when you get older, so you can see them for yourselves. I don't know what one will be your favorite, but mine's definitely the sharks. Your mother likes the penguins. She's a penguin nutter. You kinda look like you might like a jellyfish or something. Maybe a turtle. Would you like the turtle?"

The TV was muted.

"Maybe when you get old enough and you can take care of it and stuff we'll get you a turtle. You can name it whatever you like. I had a lizard when I was a kid," he continued on, "Which isn't the same as a turtle, really."

I smiled to myself.

I stepped into the kitchen and took a glass out of the cupboard and opened the fridge. I grabbed the milk and, in the process of turning around to the counter to pour it into my glass, it slipped out of my clumsy hands and hit the floor with a loud crushing thump. Milk sprayed everywhere, splashing over my legs and under the stove.

And Zoey began to scream.

Loudly.




NicK

At first I thought for sure I'd broken her somehow.

She started screaming like there was no tomorrow.

Ashley came running out of the kitchen covered in milk from the knees down. "What's the matter? What's wrong?" Ashley gasped, panic in her voice, the towel on her head askew.

"What was that sound?!" I asked over Zoey screaming, my heart pounding.

"I dropped the milk!" Ashley yelled back, "What's wrong with Zoey?"

"I jumped up when I heard the sound," I replied. "She started screaming."

Ashley came over, her face flooded with concern, "Why?"

"I dunno! Did I break her?" I put Zoey into Ashley's arms, and Ashley quickly lowered herself into the couch and inspected Zoey carefully. "I didn't hurt her did I?" I asked again fearfully.

"No, I don't think so," Ashley replied.

"I think I scared her," I said, feeling guilty.

"I think so too," Ashley said, and she laid Zoey across her shoulder and started rubbing her back gently, "It's okay Zozozozo," she hummed, "It's okay. Aw Zoey, shhh. It's okay Zoey, shhh."

I stood there helpless, flapping my arms.

I grabbed pink giraffe from the table beside my recliner and wave it at Zoey. "Look Zozo," I said, making the rattle in the giraffe's body rumble, "Look at pink giraffe."

"Yeah Zozo, look at pink giraffe," Ashley said, turning her so she was in the crook of her arm, looking up at me shaking the giraffe.

Zoey continued screaming.

"Oh Jesus I dunno what to do," I said. Big crocodile tears were falling across Zoey's bright pink cheeks and as if I hadn't felt helpless enough, the tears were like being disarmed. "Zoeeeyyyy," I begged, "Please, you're breakin' my heart kid." I looked up at Ashley, now that the giraffe was obviously not working. "Now whadda we do?" I asked her.

Ashley looked up at me. "Maybe we should've bought a book on parenting!"

"We could Google it?" I suggested.

"With what search term?" Ashley asked.

"I dunno. Think there's a make my kid stop screaming dot com?" I covered my ears. The kid was going super sonic.

"Oh I know!" Ashley held Zoey out to me and I took her and, just like that, she ripped her top off. Ashley held out her arms.

"I don't think showing Zoey your boobies is gonna help," I said, staring, unable to rip my eyes away.

"Why not? It shut you up," she quipped. "And besides, I'm feeding her, not whatever your perverted mind is thinking."

Ashley took Zoey and brought her to her chest. I watched Zoey attach herself to Ashley's breast and the screaming stopped. I blinked. I mean I knew women did this, but I ain't never seen it this, like, close up before. It was weird. Like watching something I shouldn't be or something. I wasn't sure if I was grossed out or turned on or what I was feeling.

Ashley looked up. "She was hungry, poor Zozo." She looked back down for a second, then back up at me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"Nick," Ashley laughed, "You know this is what boobs are actually for."

I nodded again.

"You look like you're watching a hunter disembowel Bambi for crying out loud," she said.

I felt like I was, too.

"I just.. it.. I... I'm gonna go to the ..yeah." I stumbled off to the bathroom.

Ashley called after me, "At least she stopped screaming!"