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Author's Chapter Notes:

enjoy! If you have any questions, don't be too scared to ask :D

  1. Trouble in Paradise

 

April 1998

He really hated this business.

They were only half way through the show and he was already panting like he’d run a marathon.  And what did it really matter? The crowd was screaming louder than they could sing anyway. He could feel the nervous glances from his fellow bandmates coming his way but didn’t pay them any mind. He’d already assured them time after time that he was doing fine and didn’t care whether they believed him or not. Him wanting the show to end didn’t have anything to do with the fact that he felt exhausted, and that no amount of sleep would make him feel better. It didn’t have anything to do with the pending surgery that he’d have to undergo in a month, or maybe two, or three, who could tell with their twisting and turning schedule? It wasn’t even the fact that Leighanne would leave him if they made him reschedule again. Didn’t she understand that he had no choice? Didn’t she understand that they never had any choice? Didn’t she know that they were just some puppets, handled by the big men in the entertainment industry? Nobody cared about his health, his happiness, as long as he sung. What did it matter that it was becoming increasingly difficult to control his panting breathing and to calm his beating heart? As long as he sung.

 

October 2015

He really missed that business.

It had been seven months since he had been a part of it, and he wanted it back. He’d been stuck in this house all that time and he couldn’t stand to be around here much longer. He knew he had to though, cause for some reason, he probably wouldn’t be able to survive on his own anymore. And although he sometimes forgot where he was going, or what he was doing, he knew his way around the house and wouldn’t get lost. That hadn’t happened yet anyway… or had it? Maybe. He wasn’t sure anymore. His world consisted out of confusion and insecurity, but yet it was too small for it to really cause a problem. Nick wasn’t used to this world though, and he’d have to be really careful to not make the kid freak out.

“Can you see the stars?” Nick snapped him out of his thoughts. They’d been talking for hours and once they’d decided to sit in the garden, a comfortable silence had settled between them.

“Yeah,” he answered curtly. He didn’t feel like talking anymore. He wouldn’t mind falling asleep right then and there.

“I love the stars,” Nick explained satisfied. Brian glanced at him sideways, wondering if his friend was drunk. Then he remembered that they didn’t have any alcohol in the house. But Nick didn’t need any alcohol to act drunk. Just like Brian didn’t need any alcohol to kill his brain. Alcohol was dispensable.

“Yeah, me too,” Brian answered, though he didn’t really know what they were talking about anymore. He felt the mist in his mind getting thicker and the headache getting stronger, as it always did whenever he was getting tired.

“Can you imagine, they’re like billions of miles away from us?” he heard Nick say, but didn’t know what it meant. Can you please just shut up? He’d been having a good day today. Now, with every word Nick spoke out loud, he felt the pain surging  through his head and couldn’t help but moaning softly.

“Brian?”

 

April 1998

“Dude, you wanna go play some basketball?’’ an energetic 18-year-old rammed on his friend’s door. There was no answer, and Brian didn’t open the door. Disappointed, Nick left. Maybe tomorrow.

 

October 2015

“Dude, you okay?” Nick asked, scared.

“Please, just stop talking,” came the troubled answer. He stared worriedly at his friend, as he had done for months before Brian had left. It felt good to see him again, but it also brought back the horrifying concern he’d felt then.

                Nick thought for a minute, seeing Brian hunched over with his head in his hands. He couldn’t even imagine the pain his friend must be experiencing on a daily basis. Resolutely Nick stood up and placed a hand on Brian’s shoulder, forcing him to look him in the eyes.

                “You okay?” he repeated, whispering this time. Brian didn’t even have to answer him, the vacant, clouded stare speaking louder than every excuse ever could. Nick wasn’t sure if the man had even heard him. Suddenly, a strange expression  came over his face and his brows furrowed in confusion.

                “Nick? You doing here?”

                Nick nodded, making up his mind. He bowed down, wrapped Brian’s arm around his neck, and hoisted him up.

                “Come on, let’s get you to bed,” he stated firmly and felt Brian trying to nod.

                “Yeah, I’m tired,” he heard him slur weakly.

                While they walked cautiously back inside the house, he felt his friend leaning heavily against him more and more, until he was the only one keeping them upright. They’d just climbed the stairs, and it had taken a lot out of the older man. Once they’d reached the top, Nick looked around frantically, and in that instant, Brian’s knees gave out. Reacting instinctively, Nick tried to catch his friend and roughly grabbed the man’s shirt. He heard Brian scream out in pain when his head was thrown back. He only had a second to realize Brian’s body going limp, before he lost his balance.

                “No!” he yelled, but it was too late. Tumbling roughly down the stairs, he realized that it probably would have been better if he’d placed Brian on the couch in the living room.

 

 

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

God, what am I doing?