- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:

meh... kinda depressing

enjoy.

  1. Just For You

November 2015

“That’s it, lil bro, you’re alright now, it’s alright,” Harold Littrell III tried to comfort his younger sibling with soothing words and by rubbing him on his back, but didn’t feel that it made a difference to Brian anymore. He wasn’t even sure if his brother could actually hear him in this state. The feverish man gave one more choked cough and then limply sagged against the toilet. Harold quickly grabbed Brian’s shoulder to keep his brother’s head from connecting with the cold porcelain. He cursed inwardly when he heard the younger man whimper weakly from the movement. Harry closed his eyes, feeling totally helpless, and rested his head on top of his brother’s, who was now laying against him. He’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t cause Brian anymore pain than there already was, which meant that he had to move his little brother as little as possible. Sometimes, though, he didn’t have a choice.

 

August 1979

“Can I pwease play with you?” Brian asked sweetly, his eyes big and begging.

Harold looked sceptically at his 4-year old brother and then shook his head stubbornly.

“No, I’m playin’ with Kev,” he answered sternly and saw Kevin nod in agreement. Kevin was the same age as him and was much cooler to play with than his little brother. Besides, Kevin was only there very seldom, and Harry could play with Brian every day. The younger kid never left him alone anyway. What Harry had forgotten was just how treacherous his brother’s sweet little voice could be. In fact, it was only sweet if he wanted something from you.

“I wan’ play stawas too!” the kid yelled suddenly and Harry saw Kevin looking up, bewildered. He had long since learned not to pay his angry little brother any mind and continued adjusting the Star Wars figures on the battlefield. They were meant to function as a set, while Kevin and himself were gonna be the leading characters, fighting an epic battle with the two long sticks they had found in the backyard and adorned with the rustling glow-in-the-dark paper Dad had gotten them, and had proudly called them ‘lightsabers’. It was perfect and there was just no room for little brothers.  

“Go away Brian, you can’t play with us! Play with your blocks instead!” he suggested impatiently. He knew that if he didn’t wave his little brother off soon, Brian was gonna tell Mom about it and she was gonna make the 7-year olds play everything Brian wanted them to. The kid was just that smart.

“Dude, maybe we should just let him play, he looks like he’s gonna explode,” Kevin stated, looking fearfully at Brian.

“No, he has to learn he can’t always get his way!” Harry argued and glared meaningfully at the annoying toddler. He continued setting up the little plastic action figures and when he was finished, he sat back on the grass and watched his accomplishments proudly, not paying attention to the sheer fury forming in his younger brother’s eyes.  Without warning, Brian came bashing through the battlefield, kicking the carefully set out figures in every direction.

“Don wanna play with no blocks! Wan play with stawas!” Brian informed and Harry jumped up, livid.

“Look what you did! You little retard!” he screamed and Brian shrunk back, tears forming in his pale blue eyes. Oh fudge… Harry watched with regret how the toddler ran clumsily across the field on his short legs, towards the house.

“Oh no, now he’s gonna tell Mom,” Harry stated wearily and saw Kevin getting up too.

“Hey I told you so,” his cousin smiled. Sure enough, only a few seconds later, Mom came trudging along the field, looking rather pissed off.

“Harold! Be nice to your little brother! Let him play too!” she commanded and left as quickly as she had come.

“I wan be Luke Skywakker,” Brian informed, smiling sweetly once again.

 

November 2015

It was only luck he’d walked into Brian’s room just in time that morning. He’d heard him gagging in his sleep and with one swift motion, he’d lifted his brother out of bed, ignoring the barely audible moan of protest from Brian’s lips and carrying him towards the adjoining bathroom quickly. Relieved that they wouldn’t have to change the bed sheets, or put Brian in bath again, Harry had watched his little brother spill the useless bile that had been the only thing left in his stomach. He sighed deeply and hugged his brother a little tighter, feeling the younger man shaking from the pain that was undoubtedly coursing through his sick body. Harry steeled himself for a couple of seconds, then lifted Brian of the ground, hearing him cry out sharply.

“It’s okay, buddy. Let’s get you back to bed, alright?” he said to no one in particular, knowing fully well by now that Brian couldn’t hear him. He carried his brother easily to the bed and laid him down as gently as possible. Ever since yesterday, Brian only seemed to respond to pain, nothing else. It scared the hell out of Harold. The last five days had been a true hell for Brian, as well as for the other people in the house. And now it only seemed to be getting worse. But because they knew how much Brian hated hospitals, they’d called the doctor instead of bringing him there. The oncologist had concluded that most likely, Brian was having a bad reaction to the increased dose of chemo, and had assured the group of anguished people that they would lower the dosage next time and that something like this would hopefully not happen again. He promised he’d be back in two days and advised them to call, or to go to the hospital, if the fever got any higher than it was now.

Harry had original planned to return home three day ago, but when Brian hadn’t gotten any better, he’d decided to stay a few more days. Nick was great help, surprisingly, but with a broken shoulder he wasn’t able to move Brian if he needed to, so Harry had been forced to stay. He’d called his wife, and fortunately, she’d understood the situation completely. She felt deeply for her brother-in-law and had wished them all the luck of the world. Harry just hoped it would help. After they’d returned from their little adventure downtown, his little brother had been drifting from deep sleeping state, to some kind of hazy delirium. He hadn’t been coherent for six days now and Harry suspected his brother wasn’t even able to see him, though his eyes were open.

Watching his sibling still shivering on the bed, Harry closed his eyes and prayed desperately to whomever wanted to listen. 

I don’t care how, just please, please, put him out of this misery…

 

July 1980

“Mom?”

“Yes sweetie?” his mother replied sadly. Harry had noticed that everything she said, sounded sad lately.

“He’s gonna die, isn’t he?” he asked tentatively, staring at the ground, feeling the lump in his throat get bigger. It took a long time for Mom to answer him. Too long. Harry knew enough and nodded, trying to keep himself under control.

“I mean, everyone at school is asking about it,” he drawled nervously.

“Who’s everyone?” Mom suddenly asked sharply and Harry looked up.

“Oh you know, teachers and stuff,” he explained quietly.

“I don’t think he’ll die Harold, I think he’ll live, if he wants to,” Mom said, and Harry believed her.

 

November 2015

“I don’t think you’ll die, Brian, I think you’ll live, if you want to,” Harry tried desperately. Easier said than done… He wished he could believe the words like he’d done so many years ago.

Chapter End Notes:

please review for more chapters, thanks!