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Author's Chapter Notes:

yeah, it may be getting a little out of hand XD

enjoy anyway

 

He actually really wanted to hurt something, make it suffer just as much as he did. The blonde appeared to be the perfect candidate. Him and his pretty words. Usually, Brian enjoyed his voice, but not now, now the friendly, one-sided conversation had turned rough and venomous. Involuntarily, his fingers curled around the silver candleholder once again. He felt the anger burning him, eating at him until there was nothing left but a frail little boy that had no idea what he was up against. It was all Nick’s fault really. Brian didn’t know exactly how, but Nick was the only one there to take the blame. He sat up carefully, holding the silver piece so tightly, that his knuckles went white. Slowly, he stood up, breathing hard and quick.

“Will you just leave now?” he warned in a shaking voice.

“No man, I’m not leaving you alone like this.”

That stupid, stuck up, stubborn bastard. Couldn’t he see that Brian wanted to be alone? Nick could go on with his life, and Brian would stay in the attic, that was the plan. But what was he supposed to do when Nick had other plans?

“Jeez, just go! Go home! Why are you even still here? Is it because you feel so sorry for poor old Brian? Fuck you! I don’t need your pity, or anyone else’s. I can handle this on my own, I’ve done it for more than two years before you showed up! Or do you just not want to go home? Is that it? Are you so afraid of any real commitment that you ran away from your wife, just so you can dump her like you’ve dumped everyone else?” Brian knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he was way out of line and could see that displayed on the younger man’s face, that winced with every foul and unfair word he spoke. He didn’t care though, he’d warned Nick after all, hadn’t he? “You have no reason to be here anymore Nick! Go home and stay there. Just stop interfering with this family and take care of your own!”

“Brian, you’re wrong, you can’t do this alone, and you don’t have to. When are you finally gonna accept that? You know, you didn’t accept Leighanne’s help, and see where that has led us!”

Oh, so now this was all his own fault? Was Leighanne just the victim of his whims? He hadn’t asked her to play around with Larry had he? What exactly had he done wrong then? Stupid Nick and his stupid accusations. All the anger at Nick, himself, his wife and mostly at God, could all be shoved on Nick’s shoulders, simply because the boy was there.

Hold on one second… Are you really, a hundred per cent, entirely sure about that?

He faltered for a moment, almost losing grip of the candleholder and dropping it on his already damaged feet.No he wasn’t entirely sure, that was the problem really. He hadn’t been entirely sure of anything lately. He had a hard time figuring out what was real and what wasn’t.  Of course he hadn’t told anyone that. They’d think he was going insane, and maybe he was. Oh well, maybe it’s just for the better. The growing anticipation of an impending end had become so strong the last two weeks that sometimes he thought it would be better if he wasn’t in his right mind when things would go wrong. And as he watched Nick staring at him, he tried to remember the moment Nick had come in the attic. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the boy that was looking at him questioningly. Now that he got a better look, Nick seemed younger than Brian remembered, and smaller. The worst part of hallucinating is knowing you are.

“How-how’d you know where I was?” he stammered astonished.

“I- what?” Nick asked, just as surprised.

“How’d you find me? How’d you know I would be here?”

“I didn’t, I was looking for you…”

“Don’t lie to me!” he yelled suddenly. He was so tired of people lying to him. Oh Brian, they would say, it’s for your own good, they would state. How did they know what was good for him? They didn’t even know what was good for themselves most of the time.

“I’m not,” Nick faltered helplessly, but Brian could see right through it.

“How did you know?” he demanded taking a menacing step forward.

“I don’t know!”

It was all Brian had to hear. “You’re not real!” he roared angrily. He knew out of experience how to deal with these kind of horrifying delusions. He gripped the candleholder tight once more and drew the piece of metal high in the air, praying he was right about this.

“Wait, what are you…”

With an angry scream, he striked out, hitting something solid.

 

April 2015

Not caring where it landed, he threw the duffle bag into the living room and sat down with a sigh. A nagging headache, that he should have been used to by now, pounded behind his eyes and he sighed again. What was he gonna do with his life now? At least, with the small part that was still left of it? Was he supposed to just lie in bed all day and play sick?  He wasn’t good at that. The Backstreet Boys had been all he’d ever known how to do properly, and now that he was out, he was lost. Hadn’t they sworn not to break up until everyone was absolutely sure about it? Then what the hell was that supposed to mean? No, let’s all team up and kick Brian out. He doesn’t get a say, he’s too sick for that. He felt the anger that had been burning within him for over a week now, reach the surface again. He just had nothing left to target it on. Leighanne was still in California working on the project. Baylee was at school, and the dog was outside, living it up.

He wished he could just get out of this house once in a while. Really get out, not just to get some groceries, incognito like he was James Bond or something. The house was a mess. Most of the boxes were still unopened, sitting all over the place. Darn, he had way too much stuff. With an idea forming in his head, he sat upright. He didn’t have to be completely useless! He could clean up! He’d be busy all day and that way, he didn’t have to think about stupid little boybands. Brilliant. He’d begin with sorting stuff they needed, stuff they wanted to keep and stuff he could throw away.

With newfound energy, he made his way up and down the stairs. Most of the boxes were already put in the attic and he figured he could just leave them standing there. Screw the music business, I’m starting a new life. He didn’t know what kind of life he was starting exactly, but it would be terrific, he’d make sure of that.

It was late afternoon before he’d finally picked out all the clothes he wanted to keep or throw away. A disturbing realization that the keeping pile was much smaller than the away pile hit him. Most of his old clothes were too big now, hanging around his skinny frame like he was some sort of rapper. They’d have to go, being an ex-boybandmember did not count as an excuse. Oh well, he’d just have to buy new clothes then. New life, new clothes. He went on and on, wondering why he’d never had a big clean up like this before and figured that if it really came to it, he could easily fill a whole shipping container with just his clothes. Just imagine that his wife had almost the same amount as he did. Two shipping containers!

The next box was filled with a bunch of toys Baylee hadn’t played with in a long while. In fact, with some of them, Brian didn’t even remember Baylee playing with. Those would have to go as well, but he would need Baylee’s consent first for that. They could have thrown them away when they moved, but they’d been in such a hurry then that they’d just thrown everything into cardboard boxes and shoved them into the truck. He’d never even wrote what they contained. It was kind of fun now, seeing everything come out and not remembering ever buying nor getting it.

 Finally, there were not many boxes left. Dear Heavens, it had taken him seven hours to sort everything out. When he was done, he’d sleep for a month. That was the only good thing about being kicked out of a boyband, now he could sleep until he was wide-awake. The last box was old and almost falling apart. He frowned when he didn’t remember packing this one. When he opened it carefully, he reached out to the small note that was on top of whatever was inside it.

Sweety,

As I noticed you deliberately NOT packing these, I did it for you. Please don’t throw them away. You know you’ll regret that soon enough.

Your woman.

                He didn’t need to look inside the box to know what was in it. No, he hadn’t meant to pack them, but throwing them away was another thing. Just leaving them at their old place had seemed like the perfect solution. And now they were here. Disgusted, he closed the dusty cardboard box quickly and shoved it aside. He wouldn’t throw them away, his wife would be disappointed then. But he wouldn’t unpack them either. He could just pretend that he had no idea they were even here, couldn’t he?

                “Dad?!” A voice rang from downstairs and he looked up, startled.

                “Yeah?”

“I’m home!”

“Okay!”

“The hell are you doing up there?”

“Stuff!”

“Okay, cool,” Baylee yelled, but the sarcasm dripped from his voice. He was probably disappointed that he didn’t get information on his father’s every move. “You want some tea?”

“Kamille?”

“Yeah!”

“No thanks!”

 

 

Chapter End Notes:

hope you liked it, please review for more chapters :D