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Chapter Sixteen


"Hey... Hey... Hi... Hello... Good evening... How you doin'..." I was staring into my own eyes in the mirror on the driver's side visor, testing out various greetings in various tones of voice. If anyone was watching me, they'd think I was fucking mental. My palms left streaks of sweat across the steering wheel. "Hey... Hey..." I took a deep breath. "Fuck me, Carter, fuck me like I've never been fucked before." I laughed. Like I'd ever have the guts to say that -- ever! I licked my lips.

I was just gonna have to wing it.

Finally, I grabbed the box of condoms out of the car, walking slowly toward the door of his house. Each step seemed to make my heart beat faster until I climbed the stoop and pressed the door bell. I thought I might throw up with anticipation into one of the bushes.

The door opened.

"Hey," I squeaked before my eyes fully registered what was standing before me.

Cora. In Nick's t-shirt. It hung to her thighs and I had a feeling if she turned around her ass cheeks were probably hanging out from below the hem. She stared at me. "Who the fuck are you?" she asked.

Nick suddenly came up behind her, buttoning his pants. "Sam!" he said. His eyes landed on the condoms. "Oh thank God." He grinned. "Thanks." He reached out and I put the box into his hands, "I literally can't thank you enough."

Cora looked between Nick and I and back again. "This is your personal assistant?" she asked, surprised. "This is Sam?"

"Yeah, this is Sam," Nick said. "Who'd you think?"

"I dunno, I just assumed Sam was a -- well, a man," she said.

"Why the hell would you think that?" Nick laughed.

"Because of the name Sam for starters?" Cora asked.

"It's short for Samantha," I squeaked.

Nick shook the box at Cora. "And look." He grinned, "We've been replenished."

Cora stared at the box a second, then looked at me. "Thanks." She took the box and headed back into the house. Consequently, when she turned around I noticed that I was right about her ass cheeks.

Nick leaned against the door frame. "Hey thanks. I'm glad your back is doing better, by the way." He grinned. "I'd ask you to stay but we're uh, kinda busy..." he grinned.

"Yeah."

"I'll call you tomorrow though, okay babe?" he asked. He grinned, "I had this great idea for the party... We should get like custom made party hats... And they should be like little top hats with like that thing like the reporters wore, you know and on that it says The Most Awesome Party Ever or something like that. You know?"

I nodded.

He smiled. "You're amazing."

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Thank you again," he said. He paused and looked me up and down. "...You look real good tonight, by the way," he added. And just like that, he ducked backwards and closed the door.

I stood there staring at it for a moment, then I turned and walked back to my car, my face flushing, ears ringing. I wanted to get as far-the-fuck-away from there as I possibly could. I got in the car and started to back down the driveway when the door to the house opened and Nick came running across the driveway, waving his arms. I stopped and unrolled my window as he approached the car, his face flushed. "Hey," he said, panting. He held up the box of condoms, "I umm... hate to ask you to do this but..." he pointed at the box. "You got the wrong size."

I stared at the box. In my rush, I'd misread the box and grabbed a small.

A grin spread across his face, "I need large, babe."

"Sorry," I choked the word out.

He held the box out to me. "Any chance you could go back and exchange them?"

I nodded numbly.

"Thanks," he said. He clicked his tongue and winked, then turned and jogged back to the house, where Cora was standing in the doorway, still in his t-shirt.

I wanted to die.

I vowed to myself an hour later --- as I drove home after purchasing a new box of condoms from a different Walgreens (I've never been so thankful that they're on every damn corner before in my entire life) and dropping them off at Nick's house where Cora had greeted me at the door once more to accept them --- to never, ever, ever tell Addison what really happened. So I spent the rest of the night divising a fake story to tell her about how he'd swiped everything off his dining room table with one arm and how we'd done it like 23 times over the course of the evening... I'd tell her that I was so sore down there that I was walking like a cowboy.

I plotted all this as I ate an entire pint of Late Night Snack Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

And it was a waste of time anyways in the end because, when Addison called a couple hours later to check in for details, instead of telling her all the dirty details I'd made up, I burst into tears.

"What in the universe is the matter?" she asked, her voice confused.

"C-Cora was there. The condoms were for Cora," I gasped.

Addison's voice was gentle, "Aw honey."

"She doesn't even see him," I sobbed.