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Chapter Thirty-Three


I grabbed a couple of dumplings and a fruit kebob and carried my plate out the sliding glass doors that led into the wide backyard, following Nick. I looked around, but he'd disappeared. I stood awkwardly by the sliding doors, holding my plate, wondering where the hell he could've gotten to with a pile of dumplings the size of Everest.

Suddenly Lawrence was at my side. He glanced at my plate. "Justin loved those fruit kebobs, that's why I ordered them," he said, voice thick. I looked up at him. He was a massive guy - I mean he worked as a body guard, he was huge. It was awkward feeling to see his eyes all red and blotchy, obviously from tears. He drew a deep breath. "He was a good guy," he said weepily, "And happy, too. We were happy. It took years... but... finally..." Lawrence paused.

I rubbed his arm as consolingly as I could. "Have you been together long?"

"Officially, no," he said. "Officially, we only got together in the last two years."

"Officially?" I asked.

"It took a long time for Justin to come out," Lawrence explained. "His family doesn't understand, you know? He was scared to lose his parents... even if it meant gaining me. His parents were super religious, so we walked thin ice for over ten years, keeping it on the down low until Justin decided that they needed to accept him for who he was."

"I completely understand that," I said. "My brother's super religious and he doesn't accept anything I do, ever. It sucks losing family because they're too crazy in the head to accept you the way you are. I can't imagine choosing between my family and the person I loved."

Lawrence nodded. "It was really hard on him. Especially at this time of year. Justin was real close to his pops, you know, and he tried calling last week and they wouldn't accept the phone call."

I frowned. "That's terrible."

Lawrence nodded. He snuffled. I handed him my napkin and he used it to blow his nose. "They refused to even come to his funeral," he choked up. "They said that to them, he died two years ago when he came out." Lawrence wiped his eyes.

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around Lawrence as best I could, though they couldn't reach quite all the way around. That was okay. He hugged me back and squeezed the hell out of me. I felt like I was in a vice grip. "It's so nice for someone to care," Lawrence whimpered. It was like being hugged by a massively emotional bear.

As Lawrence was hugging me, I spotted Nick across the yard. He was arguing with Cora. I patted Lawrence's back and he let me go and I excused myself quickly, feeling bad that I hadn't spotted Nick before so I could've gotten him off Cora's radar faster.

"If you don't keep your god damn emotions in check --" he was hissing under his breath as I rushed up.

I cut between them and pushed him back. "Calm down, cowboy," I commanded. People were looking over at the two of them. Cora was glowering. "Just relax. She's not worth it."

Cora flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked away.

"Fucking hell," Nick muttered, and he ran his hands through his hair and turned. He spat at the grass. "She's so --"

"It's okay. Relax. Calm down." I pushed him back into a lawn chair and he sat down. I knelt in front of him. "What happened?" I asked.

"She's just --" Nick shook his head. "She's infuriating. I dunno."

"What were you doing talking to her?"

"I had a question..." Nick replied. He sighed.

I stared up at him for a moment, trying to discern what to say next. "You're wondering about those rumors on the internet, aren't you?" I asked.

Nick hesitated. "I dunno. Maybe a little." He paused.

"Do you think she did it?" I whispered.

Nick shrugged. "Not really. I just... had to hear her say that, you know?" he asked.

"Okay." I paused. "But she got pissed when you asked?"

"Well..." Nick stared off across the lawn.

I looked where he was looking - at Cora. I smacked his leg. "Stop looking at her," I commanded.

Nick looked back at me. "She just got upset, because of the fight we had last night, at your place." He licked his lips. "I asked her about Addison, what she'd said to get her so...different...in so short a time." Nick sighed. "I was just trying to get some answers, you know?"

"I appreciate answers, especially about Addison, but getting pissed off at Cora in public - in a place where Hugh is at - isn't your safest move," I laughed, "Next thing you know there'll be a second murder and more of those fricking dumplings and the party we're planning will be your funeral instead. Do you want that?"

"Of course not," he answered. He wiped his forehead with his hand. "Hot damn that girl can piss me off like no tomorrow," he muttered. He sighed. Then, "Hey, the dumplings." He glanced around, "Where the fuck'd my plate go?"

"What is with you and those dumplings?" I asked.

"They're really good."

I sighed.

"Could you get me some more?" he asked, "Or find my plate or something?"

"I'll go get you some."

I got up and went inside and got Nick a couple more dumplings - though the stack was no where near as huge as he'd piled them on his first trip in - and headed back outside. He was still sitting exactly where I'd left him. I walked over and held out the plate of dumplings. "Thanks," he said. He took the plate and balanced it on his lap. I sat down on the chair beside him. He took a bite of the first dumpling. "I know I'm being stupid with the dumplings and arguing with Cora. I know this isn't the time for either of those things," he said as he chewed. "I just... I can't believe Z is dead, you know? He was the best producer I ever worked with." He shook his head, "It's just a huge waste."

"Lawrence was pretty upset," I said. "He said that Z just came out two years ago. They had a secret relationship for ten years before Z dared to come out because of his parents. Only two years able to be open about your relationship with someone -- when you've been with them so long... Can you imagine?"

"Yeah, I can," Nick muttered.

I glanced over at him.

"Cora and I started dating back when she opened for BSB," he said. "Like five or six years ago..." He laughed, "We never did get to go public, did we?"

"She was dating you when she met and married Hugh?" I asked, aghast.

Nick glanced over, "She wanted the record deal, you know?"

"And you didn't see anything fucked up about that?"

Nick shrugged. "Everything was fucked up at that point," he replied. "I was on drugs, so was she, for that matter so was Hugh. I mean we all saw how fucked up the whole situation was, but none of us had the mental 'whatever' to realize we needed to stop it." He leaned back in the chair, chewing on his third dumpling already.

I sighed. "I'll never understand show business, I guess," I said. "I mean, it seems like if you love someone, you love them. Regardless of what other people can get you if you were to fuck them, you know? Everything in Hollywood is about climbing some imaginary ladder and it doesn't matter who you use as a rung."

Nick nodded. "Maybe that's why Z killed himself," Nick said.

"So you decided that you believe that now?" I asked.

Nick shrugged, "It makes more sense than any other story, and I guess we all gotta believe something if we're gonna make it through this." He stuffed the last dumpling into his mouth and stood up. "I'll be right back," he said, mouth full.

"Getting more?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "And don't cancel them from our party, okay? I can't get enough of these things."

"Luckily for you, I didn't have a chance to call them yet," I replied.

I watched Nick trot across the lawn carrying his empty plate. And even more interestingly, I watched Cora watch Nick cross the lawn carrying his empty plate... and then she turned to Addison and the two of them walked around the side of the house towards the driveway and out of sight.