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Chapter Twenty-One


"Do you have any idea how stupid I feel?" Brian demanded, pushing his way into my hotel room. I closed the door behind him. I wanted to tell him to lower his volume because his voice was so loud I could feel it joggling in my brain thanks this killer hang over I was experiencing. Or worse, he might wake Kevin up or something. That would be real hell.

I walked after him into the room and I stood there awkwardly as Brian went across the room and grabbed his suitcase off the floor and started pushing things into it. I moved closer, "Why do you feel stupid? Don't feel stupid. Brian, What'cha doin'?" I asked.

"Packing. What's it look like?"

"Why are you packing?" I asked slowly. "Don't move in with one of the other guys... don't leave me alone... please... Brian, I need help, I need you and --"

"In case you've forgotten during your drunken stupor," Brian interrupted me, "It was the last show of the tour last night and we're heading home in a couple hours. I'm not moving in with one of the other guys, I'm going home to my wife." He picked his basket ball up from the floor and tossed it into the suitcase effortlessly from where he stood. He paused in packing and raised an eyebrow at me. "And yes, you do need help. You need a lot more help than I can give you. Obviously."

I hung my head.

"Nick, I can't believe I even for a second believed you." Brian sighed, "Changing the past, fixing the future... whatever, man. I'm sure those glasses of Jack on the rocks did wonders for the future you, right?" He shook his head and grabbed a book from the nightstand, jabbing it into a backpack he'd pulled from inside the suitcase.

I wanted to lash out and argue with him, but I felt my brain slip-and-slide over the suggestion of changing the past and fixing the future. I scrambled to keep my facts straight. Meira, Meira, Meira, I mentally chanted. I balled my fists. "Brian, I am here to fix it," I said in a pleading voice.

"Like I said. I'm sure those JDs did you wonders in your mission." He was nearly done packing, shoving the last stray socks into the corner and attempting to zip the bag.

"It was an accident," I whined. "Brian, I dunno what I've done but I think I fucked up something. Everything's gone all... fuzzy." He didn't even pause in his work of zipping the bag. "Brian," I begged, "Please. Help me."

"I've tried helping you Nick and all you do is get mad at me. There's nothing else I can do." He looked up at me, his eyes sad.

"I get mad right now, but in the future I'll understand and I'll thank you for it," I argued.

Brian shook his head, "Tell that you present you."

"Present me is telling you that now," I answered.

Brian finished zipping up the suitcase. "Look... Nick... I dunno what kinda drugs you're on to believe this shit as deeply as you do, but you've proven to me last night that ain't nothin's changed... and it isn't going to either." He slid the case off the bed and grabbed the handle, dragging it along behind him as he moved past me to the door of the room. "I think I need a break."

"A break?"

"Yes. A break."

"A break from what?" My heart accelerated.

"A break from you, man, from being your friend. I can't take it anymore. You are exhausting, Nick!" Brian's face was angry, like I'd broken some shell that had been built up and the wild beast that had hunkered down inside it had woke up and was really pissed off. Brian turned to the door like a hurricane changing paths along the coast.

I felt a desperate clawing in my throat like a scream trying to escape me. "You're gonna break up with Leighanne," I said, "Meira said so. She told me so."

Brian stopped in the doorway. He turned slowly. "Do not bring Leighanne into this. Seriously Nick, I do not wanna start this bullshit with you again."

"But Brian, don't you see, it's proof I'm from the future. 'Cos I know what's gonna happen!" I was desperate. Brian had to believe again because the longer Brian argued with me and the less he believed, the harder it was for me to stay believing. "Brian, Meira said --"

"Nick! Meira is a drug-induced figment of your imagination!" he shouted. "You don't even remember her when your sober, only when you're like this - hung over and drunk and disgusting. Go clean your damn vomit off the toilet seat, get some coffee, and we'll see if you believe in Meira still after that." Brian's eyes were feiry, "And do not talk about my wife with anything but respect because as much as you might think she's the reason that I'm so hard on you and I judge you so harshly, she's not. She's the only reason I keep giving you second, third, fourth -- twenty-fourth -- chances."

And with that, he stormed out the door and slammed it shut so hard the walls shook.

I sat back down on the bed and felt like my whole world was exploding or something. Like maybe I was gonna die inside from all the feelings and the confusion. Was Brian right? Was Meira a figment of my imagination? Had I woken up in a mens room after a particularly vivid hallucination? I grabbed my head with my hands and I felt kinda like I might be holding the pieces together before the big kaboom of it all.

It was some time later when we were collected to go on to the airport to head home. The other guys had apparently somehow not heard about my Jack on the rocks because nobody else said anything. Kevin was still raving on about how proud he was and alla that and Brian sat silently like one of them gargoyals on a church, just staring at his backpack and picking at a loose string, igoring the rest of us to the best of his ability. When we got to the airport, we split up for the most part, except me and AJ, who were both going to California. The other guys went on to their own airline terminals.

I watched Brian until he was all tiny among the people in the airport. Then I couldn't let him go any further. I looked at AJ. "Watch my shit," I said, and I ran before he could reply or ask what I was doing. I ran as fast as my 2006 fat ass would let me, my dirty old sneakers hitting the pavement like elephant footfalls and my heart slamming in my chest like it was going to jackhammer it's way right out of my body. I reached Brian, breathless, dizzy from running and grabbed his elbow as I doubled over to grab my ankle. He was standing walking to a terminal with Howie, since they were Florida and Georgia bound they had the same connecting flight. Howie stopped a couple paces away when he realized Brian had stopped.

"Nicky?" Howie asked.

"I'll catch up with ya, D," Brian said. He stared at me, waiting while I gasped and choked. I thought I might throw up, that's how fucked up I'd got from running. "Nick. I gotta flight to catch, and so do you. What is it?" he asked when he became impatient. "I said all I gotta say to you this morning."

"Come back," I choked.

"What?" he squinted at me, "What're you talking about?"

"In the future. When I'm here. Come back. Help me." I stared into his eyes. "Come back and help me."

Brian licked his lips, "Nick, I appreciate the feeling behind asking me to do this but I --"

"You have nothing to lose, Brian," I pointed out. "If I'm telling the truth then you can keep the promise. If I'm not, then you don't have to do anything and it'll never ever make a difference in your life if you promised me or not, will it?"

He stared at me.

"Please. I can't do this alone."

Brian sighed, "Okay, Nick. I promise. If you're telling the truth about the time machine thing then I'll come back."

I thought once he said the words like lightening would strike or something, maybe he'd just appear, maybe everything would snap back the way it was supposed to be. I dunno what I expected, but we both looked around at the faces passing by us in the airport, completely unaware and unconcerned with us other than a couple who mumbled something about do you know who that is? as they walked.

"Well then," Brian said after a moment's wait, "I guess that settles it then, doesn't it?" He turned and walked away.

I felt let down... utterly confused... and completely alone.

I walked slowly back across the airport to the terminal where AJ was standing with both our backpacks. He hoisted mine into my arms as I sat down. "What the fuck was that about?" he asked.

"Nothing apparently," I answered.