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Chapter Nineteen


It was easier to stick to my promise to clean myself up once Brian knew about me being from the future and all because it was like having a sidekick. We started sharing hotel rooms like the olden days when we were Frick & Frack traversing the European nations. He could tell when I got the fire and ice feeling in my veins and he'd grab his basket ball and throw it my way and distract me until I didn't feel tempted to raid the bottles in the mini-fridges as we traveled on from Germany to Belgium to the UK, back to Germany, Italy, Spain... and finally in November, on the last night of that leg of the tour, Kevin pulled me aside backstage as I was tucking the wires to my hands-free microphone's battery pack down the back of my shirt. "I need to talk to you," he said, voice stern, eyebrows clenched.

I followed him down through the bowels of the stage until we found a private corner out of ear shot of the other fellas, although I could see Brian still stealing glances my way. Kevin stuck his hands in his pockets. "So what's going on, Nick?" he asked.

I thought for a moment. Had I done something to get into trouble with Kevin? I pondered. I'd set up a couple practical jokes on AJ, with Brian as my accomplice, but nothing on Kev. I looked up at him with what I hoped was innocence.

"What changed this time?" he asked, "Is there a woman?"

"A woman?" I asked. I thought of Meira. I wish she was here, I thought.

Kev nodded. "Yeah. I find it hard to believe you woke up in that club a changed man. So I wanna know what happened 'cos shit if you weren't true to your word this time about cleaning up. What's different?"

Oh that, I thought, and I smiled at Kev. "I just really think it was time I cleaned up my act before you or one of the other guys completely gave up on me," I answered.

"You know we'd never give up on you," Kevin said, shaking his head, "You're our little brother." He reached over and mussed up my hair. He smiled.

"So you're not gonna leave the band then?" I asked, "Brian said you were thinkin' about it." I stared up at him again - this time with what I hoped was the saddest puppy eyes he'd ever damn seen.

Kev laughed, "You know I couldn't walk away from all this." He waved his hand at the stage. "You know I couldn't give it up. Not even for a minute. I'm all bark and no bite, Nicky."

I wanted to remind him only Brian and Howie were allowed to call me Nicky, but I decided to hold my tongue. I didn't wanna annoy him and change his mind about not leavin' the band. I felt like I was gonna have to put in an extreme effort to not piss him off during the next seven to eight months, just to keep it all balanced.

I gave him a hug just 'cos I was so thankful. I'd managed to fix something.

But as I reached for him, something strange happened. I felt this... thing strange sensation... like... like my mind was altering or ... it became hard to think. Kevin hugged me back, his hand thumping my back and I squinted my eyes as my brain felt like jello. What the hell was that? I thought, and I tugged away from Kev once the feeling stopped. "Dude, careful with the hands there," I joked, grinning wildly. "Ok let's get this party started in here!" I whooped and I galloped back through the underside of the stage.

"Calm down!" Kevin called, but he laughed.

I ducked and dodged my way back to the fellas, where Howie and AJ were almost ready for the show and Brian was waiting with expectant eyes for me to come back. "Hey Frick," I sing-songed as I got back to the dressing area. Energy seemed to rush through me and I couldn't understand. Was I really just this happy that Kev wasn't gonna leave the band? It was the best news all day! All my life, maybe. Gosh, if he didn't leave the band then --- then ---

Well, I dunno what wouldda happened if he did leave it, but now he wasn't gonna so it didn't matter what mighta happened!

I grinned and started tossing on my stage clothes.

"So what all happened?" Brian asked eagerly, shuffling foot to foot.

"Kev said he ain't gonna leave the band, wondered if it wasn't a girl that was makin' me clean up," I laughed. "When the hell do I have time to meet a girl on tour? Crazy Kevvers." I grabbed Helga, my guitar and started messing with the tuning.

Brian stared at me. "Well there's Meira, she's kinda why you're cleaning up, right?" His voice was low and he leaned closer so the other guys wouldn't hear.

"Meira?" I said. The name sounded... vaguely familiar. I leaned against an empty equipment box and tuned Helga some more, turning the name over and over in my head. Meira... Meira... Meira... sounded like something the witch in Snow White would say. Meira Meira on the Wall. I laughed at my own humor, then looked up at Brian. He had concern written all over his face.

"Nick," he whispered urgently.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

I laughed, "Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm great. Dude, Kevin isn't leaving the band, didn't you hear me? I'm on cloud fuckin' nine." I laughed because I'd said fuck and that seemed ridiculously funny to me for some reason. Like when I was twelve and I used to hang out with my friends and we'd dare each other to whisper cuss words under the playground equipment.

"Nick..." Brian's voice was really concerned now. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me through the understage like Kevin had done. But I had a feeling I might be in trouble for some reason with Brian. I eyed him. "Nick, okay, we're away from the guys now. Is that what you wanted? Is everything okay? Like... you know... Time Machine wise?" He eyed me.

"Time machine wise?" I laughed.

"Nick. What about Meira?"

I paused. Meira, I thought. Meira Meira on the wall... and as I thought the words... a flash of curly brown-black hair crossed my mind... a flash of deep almost almond-shaped eyes... Oh Meira, I remembered. And something about remembering Meira seemed... seemed wrong... seemed impossible... seemed...

Wait a second.

Meira. Meira. I met Meira. In the future. 'Cos I'm from the future. But -- but something's different, something's changed. Something major. Something shifted. I rubbed my hands across my legs, sweat pooling in the palms. I felt like I'd been brainwashed and I was waking up. "Shit," I muttered, clutching my head, "Shit, shit. I can't remember --"

"Nick," Brian's voice was really low now, "Nick I think you might've altered something."

"Yeah I - I dunno."

"Nick you told me last night that Kevin left the band in June, right?"

I blinked. I couldn't remember.

"Brian," I hissed, "I dunno what happens in June."

"Nick," Brian hissed back, "You said that --"

"Guys!" Kevin's voice was sharp, "Are you coming or what?" He waved up at the stage. Our cue was coming. We needed to get up there. Brian stared at me with concern as we grabbed our military jackets and rushed to catch up with the other fellas, to get into formation, to open the show and do what we do. But my brain was reeling, trying desperately to catch up, to remember, to figure out what was happening.

Suddenly, I wasn't certain of anything.