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** AJ **

I cracked my eyes open a fraction of an inch and immediately closed them again. The light was too bright and the ringing was too loud. If someone didn’t make the ringing stop, I was going to lose it. Didn’t people realize that I was trying to sleep?

“AJ? I’m not supposed to let you fall asleep.”

I groaned inwardly at the sound of Nick’s voice. Of course Nick was the one who was responsible for the God awful ringing noise. I was going to punch the kid in the face. I had a killer headache. It felt like someone was taking a jackhammer to the side of my head.

“AJ?” Nick’s voice sounded anxious; upset.

I forced my eyes open once again, hating the way the light burned my retinas. It took me several minutes, but I finally managed to get my eyes to stay open and to focus on Nick’s face. He was leaning over me and peering intently down into my face, his eyes heavy and sad. He looked rough, like he hadn’t slept in several days. There was a smear of dried blood on his cheek and streaks of dirt on his arms.

“Nick?” I barely recognized my own voice; it was so hard and raspy. I sounded like I had just finished a week long bender. “Where am I?”

The realization that I had absolutely no idea where I was or why Nick was hovering over me looking like he’d just gone through the fight of his life hit me hard and fast. I could feel the panic welling in my chest. Had I really gone on a booze-fuelled adventure? Had I fallen off the wagon once again?

“You’re in the hospital.” Nick soothed. “The doctor said that you’re going to be fine. He said that there’s no bleeding in or around your brain. He said that you were lucky.”

“What?” I struggled to sit up, and Nick quickly reached over to adjust the pillows behind my neck. He pushed a button and the bed moved swiftly into a more upright position. “Why am I in the hospital? Why are you talking about my brain bleeding? Did I get drunk and fall down?”

Nick continued to stare at me with the same expression; half relief and half pity. “The doctor said that you may not remember. He said that’s normal.”

“What don’t I remember?” I demanded. “Why am I in the hospital? What happened to me?”

“You were hit in the head …” Nick trailed off as he became emotional. “…with a gun.”

“A gun?” My eyes were now open painfully wide. “Who hit …” I stopped myself from asking the question as the answer suddenly flashed through my mind. “Sarah!”

Nick nodded. “You remember?”

Unfortunately, I did remember. Everything was rapidly flooding back in a wave of emotion as I continued to look into Nick’s desolate face. I could see it all replaying in my mind: being forced into the car, tripping down the stairs into the abandoned basement, Joey’s arm tightening around my neck, Howie falling to the ground, Sarah threatening to kill Brian, Nick screaming, Tony’s hand coming towards my face. I gasped frantically for air as I realized that I had no recollection of the outcome. Obviously, Nick and I were alive and in the hospital, but where was everyone else?

“Is Brian – Did Howie – How about Kevin…” I stopped and started several times, unable to bring myself to ask about the others. It was too painful to say their names without knowing if they were still alive.

“Kevin is with the police.” Nick began. “Brian has been admitted to have his arm stitched up …”

“I think you mean that Brian has already been discharged.”

Brian’s voice was a welcome interruption; soft and southern with a short laugh thrown in at the end for good measure. He walked quickly across the room, limping slightly and favouring his left side as he made his way towards me and Nick. Brian sat down on the side of the bed without invitation and offered me a small smile.

“How are you feeling?”

“They let you go?” Nick interrupted, turning his worried eyes to Brian. “I just asked about you less than an hour ago. The doctor said that you were resting.”

Brian flushed. “I WAS resting. When I was finished resting, I woke up and told the doctor that I was leaving.” His blush deepened as he looked into Nick’s anxious face. “Don’t look at me like that. I sighed all of the paperwork. I knew what I was doing.”

I looked at the large bandage on Brian’s arm and exchanged a worried glace with Nick. “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“It’s a flesh wound.” Brian insisted. “The doctor said that the bullet only grazed my arm. He stitched me up and told me that I’m probably going to have a pretty tough looking scar. I’m fine.”

“What about your leg?” Nick insisted. “I saw you limping. What did the doctor have to say about that? Or did you forget to ask him?”

Brian rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. It was easy to see that he was actually touched by our level of concern. “I bruised my hip when I fell. Right now, I’m walking like an old man, but I’ll be fine in a couple of days.”

Nick shook his head. “You still should have waited to be discharged properly.”

“I couldn’t wait that long.” Brian’s eyes landed on my face. “I was going crazy not knowing if everyone else was okay. The doctors wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“I’m good.” I insisted. “Aside from the fact that I have a massive headache, I’m good.”

“He hit you so hard.” Brian’s eyes began to fill with tears. “I thought for sure that – I figured that you were – I didn’t …”

“Don’t.” I reached out and caught Brian around the arm, squeezing as hard as I could. I patted the empty portion of the bed and motioned for Nick to sit down. Nick did as I instructed and I immediately wrapped my other hand around his arm. “We can’t do this to ourselves.”

“Can’t do what?” Brian gingerly lifted his bandaged arm and wiped away the tears that had already managed to escape.

I could feel my own tears sliding down my face as I looked back and forth between Nick and Brian. “We can’t torture ourselves by thinking about what could have happened. I don’t want to think about the fact that I could have easily lost both of you, and I don’t want either one of you to think about the fact that you could have lost me.”

“How am I not supposed to think about it?” Brian choked. “Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is you falling to the floor.”

“And all I can see is Sarah tracing her finger down your chest and explaining exactly where she’s going to shoot you.” I shot back. “I’m sure that Nick sees whatever horrible act happened next.”

“I see Sarah backing you up against the wall and taking aim at your chest.” Nick was looking directly at Brian, hiccupping through his tears. “I see you diving to the ground covered in blood and not moving.”

Brian squeezed his eyes shut. “We can’t un-see those things, AJ. It’s not possible.”

“I’m not saying that we have to un-see them.” I tightened my grip on my friends’ arms and struggled to pull myself together. “I’m just saying that we can’t dwell on them. We’re all here. We’re all alive. That needs to be enough. We have to promise each other, right now, that we’re going to move on from this and be okay.”

“All of us can’t make that promise.” Nick sobbed. “Howie’s not – Howie’s still in surgery.”

My stomach churned at the mention of Howie’s name. I had been so relieved to see Brian walk into the room that I had failed to realize that Nick hadn’t had the opportunity to tell me about Howie. The image of Howie lying on the ground, his blood bubbling out of his stomach, was too much to digest. I released my grip on Nick and Brian and brought my hands to my face. I was sobbing shamelessly now, my body shaking and my head pounding from the effort. What if Howie didn’t make it?

“He’ll make it.” Nick spoke quietly, as if reading my thoughts. “He’s strong.”

“We’re not going to think about him lying on the floor.” Brian gently pulled my hands away from my face. “You told us that we have to be strong, remember? You told us that we have to move on.”

“I said that stuff before I knew – before I knew that Howie wasn’t okay.” I shuddered. “What are we going to do?” I looked helplessly at Brian. “Can we pray for him?”

“Sure.” Brian appeared slightly hesitant. “We can pray.”

I couldn’t really blame Brian for looking apprehensive. I was probably the least religious out of the five of us, but I knew that Howie would want us to pray for him. I knew that Howie would trust God to guide him back to us, and I figured that we might as well give God a nudge in the right direction. I grabbed onto Brian’s hand and found Nick’s fingers with my other hand. I waited until Brian grasped Nick’s other hand in his to complete the circle before I bowed my head. I just assumed that Brian would lead us, and I felt strangely comforted as his voice began to fill the room.

“Heavenly Father, we ask you to watch over Howie during this difficult time. We ask that You take care of him and make sure that he recovers to his full ability. We also ask that You give us the strength to move on from the horrific ordeal that we’ve just faced. Lord, please forgive me, specifically, for putting Howie in danger, for compromising his time in the world that You created. It was not my intention for Howie to get hurt. I was not my place to be a hero, and I have learned my lesson.” Brian took a deep, shaky breath and I squeezed his hand for reassurance as he continued. “Father, all we ask is that You keep Howie safe. In the Lord’s name we pray, Amen.”

“Amen.” I whispered the closing and raised my head.

“Ya’ll finished?” Kevin was standing in the doorway, looking both annoyed and betrayed all at the same time.

“We were just saying a prayer for Howie.” Brian released his grip on my hand and turned to face his cousin. “We didn’t want to interrupt your discussion with the police.”

I kept my eyes on Kevin’s face as he looked at each of us in turn. I could see that he was hurt by the fact that he had been excluded, but I had no idea what to say to him in order to rectify the situation. The three of us had done it again; we had placed our own feelings and our own relationships above those of the group. Even in grief we were divided.

“I heard you.” Kevin’s response was terse and defensive. He looked Brian hard in the face. “How did you get down here?”

“I discharged myself.” Brian stated with a distinct lack of emotion. It was almost as if he was challenging Kevin to question his decision. “I needed to find out if AJ and Howie were okay.”

“We already gave him shit for doing it.” I grinned and poked Nick gently in the ribs. “Right, Nick?”

Nick grinned back at me and nodded vigorously before turning to Kevin. “Tons of shit.”

Kevin stepped farther into the room and took a seat in one of the vinyl-wrapped chairs. He ran a hand down his face as he studied me and Nick. “I see that ya’ll have sorted yourselves out then?”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Kevin was talking about the underlying currents of jealousy that had been running between me and Nick for the past several days. It was hard to explain where the feelings had gone, but they were definitely no longer present. If anything, I was feeling a stronger connection with Nick than I had in a long time.

“We’re good.” Nick asserted. “We always were.”

Kevin snorted and rolled his eyes in Brian’s direction. “You want to weigh in on that comment?”

Brian shook his head and held up his hands in mock surrender. “Maybe you should just tell us what you found out from the police.”

Kevin hesitated, his face taking on a faraway look. “Don’t you want to wait until Howie is here?”

I opened my mouth and then shut it again almost immediately. Of course I wanted Howie to be present, but I also desperately wanted to know what the police had told Kevin. It could still be hours before Howie was out of surgery. The thought was so horrible that I couldn’t bring myself to say it; I wanted to know what Kevin had to say without having to wait for Howie. A wave of self-induced nausea swept over me as I mentally berated myself for thinking such a callous thought. Had the situation been reversed, Howie would have insisted that we should wait for me before having the discussion.

“Good, you’re all here.”

I shook my head to rid it of my terrible thoughts and glanced at the doorway. Detective Bell was leaning against the doorframe, a file folder and an iPad tucked underneath his arm.

“I haven’t spoken to them yet.” Kevin announced at the same time that Nick pointed out that Howie was missing. “We’re waiting for Howie.”

Detective Bell looked at the four of us with a mixture of sympathy and annoyance. “I’m afraid that we don’t have time to wait. Mr. Dorough’s surgery could take hours and we need one of you to make a statement. The department is overwhelmed and the members of my staff are being accosted.”

“Accosted about what?” I demanded. My head was swimming with a multitude of disjointed thoughts as I struggled to remember all that had occurred. I had a feeling that I would be dealing with the aftermath of this head injury for a long time. “What kind of a statement do we need to make?”

“They filmed the whole thing.” Nick’s voice was so low that I could barely hear him. “Remember, we saw the video of Howie and Kevin on our website?”

“Oh God.” I could barely stand to allow the thought to enter my mind. My head was throbbing with the effort. “Everyone thinks that we’re dead?”

Detective Bell nodded grimly. “The video feed cut off right as Brian hit the floor. Nobody outside of the five of you and the Franklin Police Department knows what happened after that.”

“So, let’s just go out there and make a statement then.” Brian mumbled. “We’ll tell everyone that we’re alive and leave it at that for now.”

“I can’t let you go out there without knowing all of the facts.” Detective Bell took a seat in the chair next to Kevin. “If Mr. Richardson won’t tell you what you need to know, than I will.”