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Chapter 3
AJ felt as if something very heavy was pressing against him, and he was dimly aware of a bubbling sensation working down his throat. He felt the same sensation attack his filled lungs, and he panicked. Something was pulling him back. He didn’t want to go back.

It was as if all of his senses were slowly waking up. His eyelids were heavy, and he was terribly cold. The ground was soft beneath him, and the waves were gently licking his legs. With a shock, he felt his ribcage jump as his lungs began inflating. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach.

With a sudden thrust, he threw his body onto its left side, emptying the salt water and bile from his stomach on to the cool sand. Giving his stomach a few more dry heaves, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

He heard a soft sniffle behind him, and suddenly the earth came slamming down around him. He was cold. Hungry. Wet. He had successfully went into the ocean in front of him with the intent of ending his life. Yet here he was...

Alex slowly turned his body, ignoring the protests from his lungs and stomach. His eyes met Brian’s shining blue ones and immediately he turned away. Of all the fucking people....

“Why?” The southern voice was soft, prodding.

“Why the hell do you think?” AJ spat, defensive. This was not the time or place for Brian. He turned his gaze back toward the ocean, longing for the gentle waves that had held him close not so long ago.

Brian watched as AJ turned to follow the waves. Through AJ’s wet shirt, Brian could see the prominent ribcage of the younger man. “You haven’t been eating.”

“No shit.”

Brian sighed and looked away. How had they gotten to this point? He felt like he was at a dead end. How had he not seen the signs?

“Alex.” His voice was soft, but he still saw AJ twitch at the name. It had been a long time since they had called him that. His voice caught as he took a deep breath. “Alex, had I known... why couldn’t... I didn’t know you felt...” He trailed off.

“I don’t feel.” AJ’s voice was flat. “I dug myself a hole so deep that water was falling in. The only way out was to drown in it.”

“Not true!” Brian’s voice rose, cracking. “We were always here, Alex! All we wanted was to make you see. There were nights... nights, Alex, when I’d try to talk to you, and maybe we’d get somewhere. But then, the next morning, you would drink it all away. All that I had hoped for... God, the nights I’d go to bed with hope and excitement, thinking, ‘Things are finally coming back together.’ I wanted nothing but to help you. And still...” His voice faltered. “Still, after all that has happened, I need you in my life. Alive.”

“Do you? That wasn’t what you all said this morning. In fact, none of you said a fucking thing.” Brian opened his mouth to argue, but AJ held up his hand to mute him. “Or do you just want to play hero?” He saw the wounded look cross over Brian’s features, but instead of feeling power for humiliating his bandmate, he felt ashamed. His blood surged, aching for a drink. He spun away from Brian, puking again in the sand.

AJ felt feelings flood him that he hadn’t felt in months. Love. For his brother, sitting here with him now. Understanding, embarrassment, shame. Feelings that hadn’t entered his mind since-- his stomach lurched, and he regurgitated again.

Since he had been sober.

He knew Brian was watching, and was even more ashamed. He had stabbed Brian in the back time and time again, and the only revenge he got was an open hand held out to pick him up and dust him off. He had pretended to want help when he knew his back account was empty and he needed dough. He ran to Brain, promising to get help, crying that he had nothing left, knowing Brian would give him access to his account. And slowly, he began sucking Brian dry.

When Brian found out, he was furious. An intervention was called, and the trip to the island was taken. The plan was to corner AJ - he knew that - and to let loose the demons that his four bandmates had bottled up for ten months. And, hopefully, to take steps forward. They had attacked him. At first he retaliated, but found it easier to take it all in and internalize their anger. He knew he wasn’t an alcoholic. Who were they kidding?

But now... His head was spinning. It was true. He was everything they said. An alcoholic. A liar. A thief. He could feel Brian behind him, bruised and broken, but still wanting to help. Waiting for answers. AJ felt physically sick, but the poison inside of him wouldn’t be rid with any more puking. He could never look into the eyes of this man again. This man who loved him, who he had betrayed...