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Chapter 7
Brian turned the key in the ignition to spark the car to life. AJ sat passenger, his head resting against the window. He hadn’t spoken since Howie had arrived with his luggage packed. In fact, he hadn’t spoken since he snapped at Nick. As Nick and Howie hugged him goodbye, offering their support, AJ stood stoic, staring into space. Brian wasn’t sure if he was pissed that Howie packed his bags or pissed that they were really going. Maybe he was just defensive or nervous. Whatever it was, it was making Brian uneasy. He reached over to turn the radio on, but the sound had barely left the speakers before AJ reached over and slammed it off.

“It’s too early for that shit.” Brian just nodded, tightening his grip on the wheel. Alex always gets defensive before he really starts to change. He repeated it like a mantra, hoping it will help keep him cool as they drove. He was exhausted and on edge, but he knew that snapping at Alex would only catapult them backwards on the path they had slowly started to navigate.

They drove to the hanger on the opposite side of the island in silence. Their pilot, Kyle, had the plane out and ready. As they pulled in, Brian turned to look at AJ. “You awake?” There was no response. He tried to peer beyond AJ’s sunglasses into his eyes, but it was hopeless. Brian waited a beat. “...Alex?” He was just about to reach out and touch AJ’s arm when the other man shifted. AJ reached out and grabbed the door handle, practically sliding out of the car.

“Fuck me.” The other man muttered under his breath as he stood up and slowly stumbled toward the plane.

Brian watched him for a moment before climbing out himself. Sighing, he popped the trunk. “Guess I’m in charge of the suitcases.” He mumbled under his breath, following AJ toward across the landing strip. AJ had already climbed the stairs and was entering the plane when Brian reached Kyle.

“Thank you, Kyle. I know this was short notice.”

“Of course, Mr. Littrell.” Kyle was always the epitome of professionalism. He had been their personal pilot for almost 7 years now.

“I know this goes without saying, but I need you to be exceptionally discreet about this flight.” Brian looked away as Kyle’s jaw flexed slightly. He could tell he had offended the other man, but that was honestly the least of his current concerns.

“Yes, sir.” Kyle nodded, but his reply held a tinge of hurt. Brian opened his mouth, about to apologize, but was interrupted by a shattering crash from inside the plane. The two men looked at each other, startled.

“Get us ready for take-off. I’ll buzz you when we’re seated.” Brian sprinted up the stairs, leaving the luggage behind.

He entered the plane and was affronted with the smell of hard liquor. Whisky, maybe? Or scotch? Brian blinked, trying to shift his focus. That didn’t matter. He scanned the space, noticing a large wet smear on the right wall. There were shards of glass and the broken neck of the bottle sprinkled around the small loveseat under the growing liquor stain. He continued scanning the plane, stopping when his gaze fell on the feet poking out from behind the mini-bar.

Fuck. The mini-bar. The liquor. AJ! How had he been so stupid? “J?!” His voice squeaked more than he would like to admit. He was already moving forward, unaware that his body had decided to approach the feet. He rounded the mini-bar to see AJ crouching on the floor. It was as if he had slid down the wall; his butt was up against the wall, and his forearms were resting on his knees. His hands held a tight grip on a bottle of uncapped liquor. His hands were shaking so hard that Brian could hear the liquor sloshing around in the glass container as he approached. AJ had his head back, resting against the wall.

Brian squatted down so his knees were touching AJ’s shins. He reached forward, removing AJ’s sunglasses. AJ’s eyes were squeezed shut, his long lashes squished between the layers of skin as if he were blinking into the sun. It didn’t stop the tears from streaming out of his eyes at full speed. Brian kept his voice soft as he rest his hand gently on AJ’s forearm. “Alex.”

AJ’s body was completely still except for the shaking bottle. It was as if he was channeling all of his energy toward forcing his hands away from his body. Brian tried to remove the bottle from his grip, but the younger man was too strong. “Alex, I need you to take a deep breath for me. Take one, big, deep breath in and one, big, deep breath out.” He was surprised when AJ complied almost immediately. The stench of the alcohol on AJ’s exhale caused Brian to recoil. Brian recovered as quickly as he could, glad that AJ’s eyes were still squeezed shut. “That’s it, J. Keep breathing.” With each inhale and exhale, AJ’s hands slowly started to relax and his eyes slowly slid open. Brian kept his pressure on the bottle, slowly pulling it from AJ’s grasp. When he finally released, Brian moved swiftly, placing the bottle back in the cabinet. Standing, he held his hand down to AJ and pulled his friend to his feet. When AJ reached the standing position, his eyes locked into Brian’s. Even without the sunglasses, AJ’s eyes had a wall in front of them. It was as if the tears belonged to a different person.

Brian pulled him into a hug before he could resist. His arms were wrapped tightly around the tiny frame of his friend. He could feel the resistance that he saw in AJ’s eyes reverberating through his body. For a solid minute, both men stood in a silent, frozen embrace. Slowly, AJ’s body melted into the hug. “I heard you talking to the guys before I got in the shower.” His voice was muffled against Brian’s shirt.

“Yeah?”

“And I had every good intention to come out of that bathroom with a positive attitude.” AJ took a deep breath as an involuntary shudder ran through him. “But then I got in the shower. And started thinking about this plane. All I could think about was that fucking mini-bar. It was like a demon possessed me. I couldn’t get it out of my head. There was this deep, insatiable desire for a drink. I couldn’t focus on anything else. And then I got on the plane, and it was like I was a glutton. I had both bottles. One in each hand. After that first drink... the feelings that filled me. God, Brian. Comfort. Peace. Anger. Shame. I wanted to keep drinking, I wanted to stop. I am so fucked up. I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can.”

AJ pulled away, moving toward the seats. He sat down and snapped his seat belt in one swift motion. “I couldn’t even make it one fucking day! One day, Brian!”

Brian sat next to him, pushing the button to signal Kyle. “It is going to take time. It’s okay if you have setbacks. You are strong, Alex.”

“Bullshit.” AJ reached out and snatched his sunglasses from Brian’s hand. Pushing them back on his face, he turned toward the window. “Wake me up when it’s over.”

“Alex-”

“I just want to sleep.”

***
The taxi pulled up in front of Woodbine Rehabilitation Centre. AJ gazed out the window. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, the place was picturesque. A smattering of white-washed buildings dotted the rolling prairie. The mountains in the distance stood majestically, stark against the blue sky. There were even fucking horses. Well, not fucking horses, but horses. “What state are we in again?”

“Wyoming.” Brian said. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, actually.” Alex felt a wave of nostalgia, but he wasn’t sure why. He had traveled the entire world, but had never really seen it. Had they ever been to Wyoming? How did he not know that it looked like this beyond the amphitheaters and stage lights? As the taxi pulled to a stop, AJ felt his stomach clench. As if reading his mind, Brian reached over and gently squeezed AJ’s knee.

“You ready?”