Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 10
By Dottie
Copyright 2013
Nick pulls her through the corridors to the service areas. When they get close to the party, Teagan hesitates. “Nick, I can’t go with you.”
He stops and turns. “Why not?”
She shakes her head. “I told you, it will just cause more problems if I show up with you. I…promise, I won’t go back to the cabin now. I’ll join the party, but…I’ll be in the crowd.”
He stares at her. “Teagan, I don’t give a rat’s ass about how they feel. I want you with me.”
She shakes her head. “No. Nick, I don’t know how much more animosity I can take. Please, let me do this my way or I will go back and I won’t come out again till we dock.”
He can see how serious she is. “All right Teagan, we’ll do it your way. But Natalie is up here with Brian.”
She nods. “I know. And I want her to stay there. I just…I want you all to stay away from me. I mean it.”
He nods slowly. “But you’ll stay?”
She nods. “I’ll stay for a while. I promise.”
He smiles. “OK, Sweetheart. If you change your mind…”
She shakes her head vehemently. “I won’t.”
He kisses her cheek through the veil. “Have fun, Teagan.”
He disappears through the door and she makes her way back down the hallway. By following the screams, she finds herself up on deck with several hundred screaming, half-drunk fans. She skirts the crowd, nodding her thanks when she’s complimented on her costume.
She stays on the outer edges of the crowd, watching the stage. The first genuine smile she’s had in a long time came when she saw how the boys were dressed. Nick’s construction worker costume was part of a bigger scheme. The Backstreet Boys as the Village People. They all look amazing, but once she sees Kevin dressed as the cowboy, she loses her breath. To her, he makes a damn fine looking cowboy.
After more than an hour, Teagan finds herself needing solitude. While the crowd has thinned considerably for different activities, it’s still pretty loud and boisterous and something she’s not really used to.
She starts walking, finding herself a deck above the party. It’s a bit quieter here. She leans on the rail and watches in amazement. She smiles to herself. She may not be a part of it, but she’s thankful she’s getting to see it. The fans…she knows how exciting it is for them. She really wishes she could be happier about the situation, but…her heart isn’t in it.
She feels eyes on her and glances to the stage. Kevin is watching her. Even from this distance, she knows he recognizes her. His smile says it all. He’s happy she’s there. She knows he can’t see it, but she smiles anyway. The connection is there. She straightens up and waves before turning away to explore the quieter parts of the ship.
She finds herself on the Serenity deck. On a normal cruise, it’s the adults only area. Because of the nature of this cruise, it’s not open for use. She sneaks in, looking around. Located on the stern of the ship, it’s beautifully quiet to Teagan. She unpins her veil, taking it off, as she walks to the railing and looks out at the moonlight rippling over the ship’s wake.
She breathes deeply, drinking in the smell of the sea, grateful she came, even with all the trouble there’s been. She walks around the deck cautiously. From what she can see, this place was meant for lovers. Loungers for two, some covered, and some not…even round ones. There are whirlpools and a swimming pool in the center. She can’t help but smile when she sees the hammocks built for two.
She once again leans on the railing, looking out over the water. She doesn’t really know how long she’s been there when she hears a door open behind her. She knows its Kevin. She knew the minute he saw her he would follow her.
She doesn’t even flinch when he stops a few feet from her and calls out softly, “Teagan, are you ok?”
She doesn’t turn, just continues looking out over the water. “I’m fine. You didn’t have to leave the party.”
She hears his boots on the deck as he comes closer. His gait is almost timid. Like he’s afraid she’ll run. There’s no way she could run. He stops, leaning on the rail a few feet from her. “I didn’t leave because I had to. I just wanted to tell you…you look beautiful.”
She lowers her head and looks away from him. “Thank you.”
He slides closer, letting his arm come out and slip around her stomach. With is back to the rail, he brings his body in line with hers and kisses her temple. “It’s not a shallow compliment Teagan. I mean it. You make a lovely princess.”
She feels her heart flutter. “I know you mean it Kevin. And I mean it when I say thank you.”
He puts the side of his face to hers. “I’m glad you came to the party. I was so mad Nick saw your costume and I didn’t.”
She chuckles. “I like your costume too.”
He laughs. “You like cowboys?”
She shakes her head. “Never have before.”
He laughs. “Your Highness, you just made my night.” She can’t stop herself from shivering at the sound of his laughter. His arm tightens, “Are you cold?”
She shakes her head. “Not really. It’s just so beautiful here. And so quiet. I could spend the whole cruise right here.”
He straightens up and says, “Well, then, let’s spend some time here. Just you and me.”
He leads her over to one of the hammocks. Without thinking, she settles on the hammock beside him and finds herself staring up at a million stars. His shoulder is touching hers and he wraps her hand in his. She sighs quietly before saying, “Kevin…I want to thank you for being there for me.”
He rolls his head over and kisses her temple again. “Darling, you don’t have to thank me. Nick told me what happened. Teagan, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.”
She turns her head away. “I keep thinking it’s going to get better…or I’ll get used it. I just…” She bites her lip. She doesn’t want to cry.
He lets go of her hand and lifts his arm. “Come here, Teagan.”
She doesn’t even think about it. She scoots closer, finding herself cocooned in his arms and nestled on his chest. He rubs her back and sings softly to her.
It’s not that I can’t live without you
It’s just that I don’t even want to try
Every night I dream about you
Ever since the day we said goodbye
If I wasn’t such a fool
Right now I’d be holding you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
Baby if I only knew
The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
To find a way back to your heart
I don’t know how it got so crazy
But I’ll do anything to set things right
Cause your love is so amazing
Cause baby you’re the best thing in my life
Let me prove my love is real
Make you feel the way I feel
I promise I would give the world
If you’d only tell me girl
The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
To find a way back to your heart
Give me one more chance
To give my love to you
Cause no one on this Earth
Loves you like I do
Tell me
The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart
I’d turn back time
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I’d beg and plead
Fall to my knees
To find a way back to your heart
These arms of mine
Are open wide
From now until
The end of time
You are my world
What did I do
This heart of mine
Belongs to you
By the end of the song, she’s nearly sobbing in his arms. Not because she’s sad. Because she’s touched by his thoughtfulness. His caring. His knowing just what she needs. Without thinking, she tilts her head back and kisses his cheek.
He brings his hand up to cup her face, staring down into her eyes. He sees the tears shimmering in the moonlight and he can’t stop himself from moving closer to her, capturing her lips with his.
She moans into his mouth as he rolls up on his side and slides one of his legs between hers. She finds her hand tangled in his hair, opening her mouth to his assault…willing to open her body to his touch.
He gently runs his hand down her body, skimming her breasts, moving to her hip to hold her tightly, pulling her more firmly against his long, lean frame. He feels her breasts pressing into his chest and he growls in his chest, wanting more. Sliding his hand down he slowly pulls up the hem of her dress, slipping his hand under to knead the bare flesh of her thigh.
She whimpers, her body begging for more. Her heart racing. But her mind is screaming stop. It’s happening to fast and it’s scaring her. He senses her unease and loosens his grip lightly. Moving his lips along her jaw line to her ear, he whispers, “I won’t hurt you Baby. I just want to touch you so bad. You’re so beautiful.”
She whimpers, not wanting him to stop. But at the same time she wants to run. Run as far and as fast as she can. His hand slowly comes out from under her dress and he smoothes it down. Wrapping his arms around her tightly, he pulls her against his chest and rolls back, once again, nestling her in his arms against his chest.
Their breathing slowly returns to normal. She chews on her lip, getting up the courage to whisper, “I’m sorry Kevin.”
She feels him sigh. The warmth in his voice makes her feel at ease. “Sweetheart, don’t be sorry. I’m not. I want…I want so much more, Teagan. Not just physically. I’m so attracted to you; I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know how to not touch you. You are so beautiful.”
Even though his words are meant to make her feel good…feel special. She feels…saddened. She doesn’t feel beautiful and every time he says it, it’s like a stab to her heart. She pushes away slowly. “Kevin, I’m not beautiful. Don’t say that.”
He moves up onto his side and pushes her onto her back. In the pale moonlight, she can see he’s upset. “Teagan, you are incredibly beautiful. You’ve got to stop being so down on yourself. Baby you’re gorgeous, inside and out.”
She pushes him away and stands. “Please stop.”
He stands, moving to her side. “I won’t. I won’t ever stop telling you how beautiful you are. Because you ARE! What can I do to make you believe me?”
She sniffles, turning to face him. “Kevin, I know you mean it and…I’d be lying if I said it didn’t mean anything to me…but I don’t…I don’t think I’m beautiful.”
He cups her face and brings his head down to hers for a gentle kiss. “Baby, you’re stunning. Every part of you screams beauty, poise and grace. And every part of me wants to know more of you…wants to know every inch of you. You have to believe that.”
She pulls away slowly. “I don’t…Kevin I can’t think when I’m close to you. It scares me.”
She turns to leave. He stops her by saying, “I never wanted you to be scared of me, Darling.”
She turns back to stare at him, thankful the moon is bright enough to see his face, but not bright enough to highlight her scars. “I’m not scared of you Kevin. I’m scared of what you make me feel. I don’t deserve it…and I just can’t take it.”
Before he can stop her, she fleas, winding her way around the ship to her cabin. Once she’s in and the door is safely locked, she falls on her bed, sobbing into her pillow, “Why can’t I be beautiful for him? Why do I have to be a fucking freak?”
She knows the answer won’t come. All she wants is to get off this boat…and get on with her shattered life.
Chapter End Notes:
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