Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 30
By Dottie
Copyright 2013
After lovemaking that leaves Teagan and Kevin both feeling overwhelmed and sated, it’s soothingly quiet in the cottage. Lying in his arms, she feels a kind of peace and contentment she thought could only be found in fairy tales.
His fingertips are sliding over her shoulder lightly. "Not that I'm complaining, because believe me, I'm not! I just have to ask you...why?"
She blushes, happy he can't see her face since she's lying on his chest. "I...I...don't know. It just...sort of...happened."
He chuckles. "I hope it happens more often, Sweetheart. That was incredible."
Her blush deepens. “I can’t believe I did that.”
His chuckles fade as he tightens his embrace. “I can’t either, but damn Baby it was good. Promise you’ll do it again? And often?”
She can’t suppress her own giggles. “I’ll only promise to try. If you promise to walk around wearing towels.”
His laughter is music to her ears. “Anything for you Baby. Anything at all.”
She snuggles against him and whispers fervently, “I’m really glad you showed up Kevin.”
He senses the seriousness in her voice and he asks softly, “Why?”
She feels safe enough to admit her darkest thoughts to him, even though she’s afraid it might change the way he feels about her. “I haven’t…dealt with what happened very well. I’ve been…in a bad place for a long time.”
His body tenses up and she shivers. “Teagan, what are you trying to say?”
She rolls away from him and sits up, grabbing a big, fluffy pink robe. After wrapping herself up in it, she whispers, “I meant what I said on the ship when I said I wanted to die, Kevin. For a long time I did want to die. I knew when we got on the ship that the scars on my neck were permanent. That my voice could never be fixed. I had nothing to live for. Even when I came here…”
He sits up quickly. “What do you mean? Teagan??”
She stands up slowly and moves to the window. Pressing her head against the cool glass, she mutters, “I came here to make a decision.”
She hears him moving around and is not surprised to feel him step up behind her and slide his arms around her waist. “Teagan, you’re scaring me.”
She sniffles. “I scared myself Kevin. After…while you were in the shower, I wanted to call Natalie. I needed to distance myself from us, but I couldn’t. So I had to really think about it. About why I came here. About what you stopped me from doing.”
He spins her around and forces her gaze to his. Worry lines are etched in his face. “What were you going to do?”
She sighs quietly, blinking back tears. “I was going to kill myself Kevin. I didn’t ever plan on leaving this cottage alive. I had nothing to live for.”
She watches as tears pool in his eyes and slip silently down his face. “Sweetheart…how can you…I mean…”
She shakes her head, raising her hands to wipe the tears from his face. “I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, Kevin. I didn’t want to die miserable and alone because of what some nutcase did to me. I thought it would be better to just end it here. I brought a bunch of sleeping pills. I planned on writing a letter to my parents, one to my siblings, one to Nat, and one to you. Then I was going to pour myself a glass of wine and take the pills and just fall asleep.”
His body shakes as he pulls her firmly against his chest. With his head buried in her hair close to her ear he whispers, “Don’t you EVER…Teagan, I swear to God, I can’t live without you in my life. I don’t know what I would have done if I had come here and found you…”
She sobs into his shirt. “When you came…it was like a message. I tried on the ship twice. I was going to jump over board, but you came both times. You showed up and you stopped me. When I saw you here I knew…God was telling me I wouldn’t die alone. You were the angel he sent, Kevin. The angel he sent to love me.”
He lifts her in his arms and cradles her body against his as he moves back to the bed. Laying her down, he stretches out beside her and once again she’s nestled in his arms. They both are crying. Her because she is trying to let go of the past…and him because he almost lost her before he even admitted how much he loves her.
When the tears subside and the cottage once again slips into silence, he whispers, “How do you feel now, Teagan?”
She tilts her head back to look at him. “I don’t want to die, Kevin. I just want to be with you.”
His smile fills her with hope. “You have me Baby. And I’m never, ever letting you go. Not ever!”
The silence that falls in the cabin is somewhat uneasy. Both of them are dealing with the revelation that Teagan had actually planned to end her life. Suddenly, Kevin sits up, dislodging her from his chest. “Where are they? Where are the pills?”
She closes her eyes. “The pills are in the bathroom…in my makeup bag. Why?”
He turns to face her. “Give them to me. Now.”
She understands why almost immediately. She slides off the bed and walks into the bathroom, returning to hand him two bottles. He stares at them. She can see the tears in his eyes…the battle raging within him to keep them from falling. He stands quickly, stalking past her into the bathroom. She follows slowly, watching as he dumps the pills out in the toilet and flushes them.
When he turns to face her, she whispers, “I wasn’t going to do it Kevin. Not now.”
He sighs, tossing the bottles in the trash can. “I’m making damn sure you don’t. I meant what I said. I can’t live without you and I’m not ready to die.”
She shivers, stepping into his arms. “I’m sorry Kevin. I never should have told you.”
He squeezes her. “Yes, you should have. I’m not stupid, Teagan, I know how fragile you are. I knew it on the ship. I’ve known it all the weeks we’ve been apart. I even knew it yesterday when you opened the door and let me in here. I just didn’t want to admit that maybe you’d have the guts to follow through. But once you told me, I knew…if I hadn’t shown up…”
She pushes away to look at him. “NO! Kevin, even though every part of me wanted to die, I don’t think I would have gone through with it. Deep down I’m really just a coward.”
He shakes his head. “No you’re not. A coward wouldn’t have made that confession to me, Teagan. You’re stronger than you know. Strong enough to face this and strong enough to start a new life. With me if you’ll have me.”
She touches his cheek softly. “I don’t feel strong. I feel weak. And afraid. But I love you and if you’re willing to put up with me…”
His smile says it all. “When we leave here, we leave together. You’re mine Teagan Mia Michaels, and I’m all yours. Forever if you’ll have me.” When she falls against him, snuggling into his arms, he whispers, “The tour bus is big enough for us both. If it’s ok with you, I’ll take you with me to Kentucky. Or I’ll pack my bags and move back with you until the tour starts. Then you’ll go with me.”
She steps back from him, almost panicked. “Tour? Kevin…I’m NOT going on tour with you! You can’t…your fans would never…NO! I won’t do it!”
He stares at her stunned. “What do the fans have to do with it, Teagan? I love you. I want to be with you. I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks.”
She steps away from him trembling. “You might not care, but I do. I’ve been called a freak enough Kevin…by those adoring fans of yours. If you think I’m going to go with you and listen to it again, you’re fucking crazy!”
As she runs from the room, he stares after her in shock. He can’t believe they are fighting. And of all the stupid things to be fighting about, they are fighting about being together. Sighing, he follows her slowly. This is not going to be an easy relationship…for either of them.
Chapter End Notes:
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