Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 31
By Dottie
Copyright 2014
Kevin finds Teagan putting on her coat. “Where are you going?”
She grabs a ski hat. “I’m going nowhere. I just want to be alone.”
He reaches her in two strides. “Teagan, they wanted us to stay inside for a reason. Please, don’t go out.”
She sighs, tugging away from him. “I’m just going out on the porch. Please…just leave me alone.”
Once she’s outside, she struggles to get her breathing under control. The snow is still falling heavily and the air is cold. Moving to the end of the porch, she leans against the corner post and fights back the sobs. She wanted her relationship with Kevin to be beautiful. But he had to go and ruin it by mentioning the tour.
She closes her eyes and chews on her lip. She’s so engrossed in her thoughts, she misses the door opening and Kevin coming out, his parka barely zipped. He didn’t even zip his pants when he ran back to the bedroom for them. He was just afraid she would run.
He adjusts his hat and pulls gloves on his hands before stepping up behind her and grabbing her. As she struggles to pull away, he quietly murmurs, “I’m sorry Teagan.” She stops struggling and sags against the railing. He keeps his arms around her and props his chin on her shoulder. “I just want you with me. But…you don’t…I won’t push the tour if you really don’t want to go with me.”
She lowers her eyes to the ground and mutters, “Kevin, I just can’t. It’s not because of you…”
He kisses her neck. “Teagan, I know why you won’t go. I wish you wouldn’t let it get to you. What they say…what anyone says…it doesn’t mean a thing. Look how I get teased about my eyebrows…or how Brian is teased about his bald spot.”
She pulls away from him in anger. “It’s not the same and you know it Kevin.”
He sighs. “It IS the same. Teagan, I don’t care what people say about me. I’m not about to wax my eyebrows. I’m me and if they can’t accept me for me, then fuck them all. I don’t need them.”
She shivers as his words penetrate the fog of self-pity that’s surrounding her. She feels her lip quiver and she whispers, “I wish I could change how I feel…”
He steps closer and once again envelopes her in his arms. “And I wish I could stop hurting you. I’m sorry Teagan. It's just that…the scars don’t matter to me. I want to open my eyes every single day and see your beautiful face. Is that so wrong?”
She shakes her head. "No, of course not. To be honest, all I want is to be with you."
He lays his head against hers. "Sweetheart..."
She pulls away from him. "Maybe someday I can handle it Kevin. I just don't think I can now."
He nods sadly. "I understand Baby. I really do. It's just...that's going to be the longest three months of my life."
She leans closer to him. "Mine too."
He kisses her nose. "We don't have to talk about the tour now. It won't start for a few more weeks."
She reaches up and puts her hand on his cheek. "I don't deserve you."
He smiles, leaning down and kissing her softly. "You deserve much better than me, Miss Michaels. You are my queen."
She giggles at his outlandish nickname. "Stop it."
He laughs with her. “It’s true. One look at you and I want to bow at your feet. Grovel for a moment of your time…the touch of your hand.”
She rolls her eyes. “Have you been drinking?”
He sweeps her up into a bear hug. “Nope. It’s you. You make me into a blithering idiot. I want to sweep you off your feet…”
She wraps her arms around his neck. “You already did that. On the cruise.”
He smiles sadly. “Don’t think about the cruise.”
She shrugs. “It wasn’t all bad Kevin, truly. And…well…I have to learn to live with this. I just don’t know how. I don’t know what I’ll do now that I can’t teach.”
He gives her a stern look. “Who says you can’t?”
She rolls her eyes. “Listen to me! Can you imagine me singing?”
He puts her back on her feet and takes her hand, lifting them up between their bodies. “These still work don’t they? And you have a mind. Teagan, you can teach music without singing. YOU can because you have the heart and you have the gift. If you give up on it…”
She steps back. “Kevin…I don’t know…right now, I can’t even think.”
He pulls her back against his body. “I’m not letting you run away from me. I just don’t want you to give up on teaching. Not if it’s in your heart. You can’t give up, you’ve worked too hard…”
She lays her head on his chest and murmurs, “I don’t want to run away from you. I just…I can’t see what you see.”
He surprises her by sweeping her up into his arms and carrying her back into the cottage. When he sets her on her feet by the fire, he pushes her down into a chair and kneels in front of her. “Baby, maybe it’s too soon for you to see it. Or maybe you need someone to tell you that doesn’t have a vested interest in your future.”
She looks confused. “What do you mean?”
He weighs his words carefully. “I mean…counseling. Someone that can help you cope with what you’re feeling. Someone that knows what the hell they’re doing because I just seem to piss you off when I try.”
Tears sting her eyes. She cups his face and whispers, “Kevin, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m not mad at you. I’m mad because I can’t be what you want me to be. What you expect me to be.”
He leans forward and presses his forehead to hers. “I don’t EXPECT you to be anything…I just want you to be you…and to be happy. I want to see you smile and know you’re feeling it in your heart. Baby I know you’re hurting, you’re confused and you’re angry. I want to take all of that away and replace it with love and happiness. Any way I can. I want to spend every waking moment with you. I want to hold you and kiss you and love you with every ounce of my being. You ARE what I want. Believe me.”
She stares into his eyes feeling safer than she’s ever felt before. With her heart pounding in her chest, she whispers, “You do make me happy Kevin.”
He kisses her softly. “I love you Sweetheart. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you stay happy.”
She traces his lips with her finger and whispers, “I’ll be happy…as long as you love me.”
He chuckles. “Now who’s being corny?”
Chapter End Notes:
:) Still hanging in there? ~ D
