- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a couple of days. In the middle of an 8-day stretch at work. I'll try to post again tonight if I can when I get home. Rachel Remind me! LOL
Dark Times in Still Waters
Chapter 34
By Dottie
Copyright 2014

When Teagan is settled across from Penelope she slowly meets her gaze. Penelope smiles and says, “Teagan, first of all, I want you to know you can say anything you want within the confines of this room and it stays just between us. But…what you told me at the resort…well, you weren’t my patient then so…”

Teagan nods slowly. “I’m glad you talked to Kevin Penelope…umm…Dr. Grant.”

Penelope smiles. “Call me Penny.”

Teagan sighs and says, “OK, Penny.”

Penny leans back, crosses her legs and props a clipboard on her knee to take notes. “OK, Teagan, it’s not going to be easy to talk about all of this, but if I’m going to help you, you have to tell me everything. Complete honesty. If it gets to be too much, we can take a break; take a walk, whatever you need.”

Teagan glances around, confused. “I thought therapy sessions were only an hour.”

Penny smiles. “Most of the time they are, but when I have new patients, I block out an entire afternoon for the initial visit. Then, we’ll decide together if one hour sessions will be enough or if you need more.”

Teagan shakes her head. “How can you…I mean…if you spend the whole afternoon with me…”

Penny laughs. “Teagan, this practice is made up of ten doctors. You’ll work with me until you’re comfortable meeting the rest. You’ll find that we all have one goal in mind…helping you heal. They will handle the other patients until we get settled.”

Teagan folds her arms over her stomach. “Penny…before…thank you for helping me.”

Penny taps her pen on her clipboard and says, “Teagan, when it’s all said and done you’re going to realize all I’m doing is giving you the tools to help yourself. Now, I know it’s difficult, but start from the beginning. Tell me exactly what happened.”


Two hours later, Penny has a notepad filled with notes about Teagan’s horrible story. When Teagan winds down, sniffling loudly, Penny says, “Teagan…how do you feel?” When Teagan looks up, she clarifies, “How do you feel about John Tate and what he did at the school that day?”

Teagan doesn’t even think about her answer. “I hate him!”

Penny nods. “That is a normal reaction, but let’s look at this from an outsider’s point of view. Did you ever hear any news stories about why they thought he did what he did?”

Teagan shakes her head. “No…I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. When I got out, I just…avoided it all together.”

Penny puts her note pad on the desk and opens the top drawer, pulling out a white binder. “Teagan, when you made the appointment to come in today, I did some research. When you go home tonight, I want you to take this with you and read it.”

Teagan is puzzled and asks, “What is it?”

As she’s reaching for it, Penny says, “It’s newspaper articles about the shooting.”

Teagan jerks her hand back. “I don’t want to read it!”

Penny lays the book on her desk. “Teagan, I think you should. I think it will give you a little insight into John Tate…”

Teagan stands, shaking her head. “No! I don’t want insight into him. I don’t need it. I know all I need to know. He fucking ruined my life and you want me to understand why? I don’t care WHY he did it!”

As she whirls to stomp out of the room, Penny says in a matter-of-fact voice, “Teagan, he didn’t ruin your life. You are ruining your life.”

Teagan stops with her hand on the door knob and turns slowly. “What?”

Penny leans back in her chair. “Everyone around you is grateful you’re alive, no matter what the circumstance. But you’ve given up. Yes, what John Tate did was a horrible thing. But he wasn’t out to hurt you. He was a mentally unstable man. He was addict using hallucinogens and odds are, whatever he was shooting at wasn’t even real. Everything that happened that day…everyone that got hurt…it was all just an accident.”

Teagan falls back against the door. “But Penny, I can’t teach…”

Penny snorts. “Oh yes you can. Teagan, I know you have a lot of emotions to process, but that bullet didn’t take away your ability to teach. It may have taken your voice, but you still have a mind and you can still teach. You just have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and try.” When Teagan doesn’t move, Penny says, “Come sit back down Teagan.”

When Teagan is back in her chair, she whispers, “Why did it happen to me?”

Penny moves from behind her desk and sits in the chair beside Teagan. Taking her hand, she speaks softly. “Every day for three weeks, I asked myself the same thing about Derrick. When he was shot, I thought my life was over. I didn’t think I could survive without him by my side to help me raise our kids and I was mad at the world and I was furious with him. And it wasn’t even his fault. Just like this wasn’t your fault.”

Teagan closes her eyes, mentally exhausted. “How did he…how did you both learn to cope?”

Penny pats her hand before standing and walking to a bookcase. Taking down a picture of herself with her family, she says, “We struggled. We had horrible fights. I wanted him to quit the force and get a safer job. He told me to stop being stupid. I even left him.”

Teagan gasps. “Why?”

Penny turns. “Because I thought he was choosing his job over me. I didn’t realize how unfair I was being. How selfish I was being.” Sitting back down at her desk, she murmurs, “You’re being selfish too, Teagan.”

Teagan’s mouth drops. Suddenly, she understands what Penny is trying to tell her. Slowly she nods. “I…I guess I am. I’m so busy feeling sorry for myself…I push everyone away.” Her hand creeps up to her neck. “But this is so horrible…”

Penny shakes her head. “No it’s not. It’s a scar, nothing more. It doesn’t change who you are or how much your friends and family love you. The only person that scar bothers is you.”

Tears slowly trickle down Teagan’s face. “But…Kevin’s fans think…”

Penny holds up her hand. “Kevin’s fans aren’t the problem. You are. Kevin loves you for you. He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world because he sees you with his heart as well as with his eyes. It’s the same with Natalie and everyone else close to you. Sure, Kevin’s in the spotlight, but do you think he’s going to change his mind about you because of a few jealous fans?”

Teagan’s eyes narrow. “You’ve talked to Kevin, haven’t you?”

Penny smiles. “Doctor-Patient confidentiality. But in this case, Kevin gave me permission to share his session with you.”

Teagan’s mouth drops. “You saw Kevin?”

Penny shrugs. “Once. Briefly. He plans on coming back, but we had our initial meeting just after you came back from the resort.”

Teagan looks down at her lap. “What…why?”

Penny leans forward, propping her elbows on her desk. “He wants to help you. He wants to be with you and he wants you to travel with him to see the world. But most of all, he wants you to be happy and to let all of this go.”

Teagan looks up, fear etched on her face. “What if I can’t let it go?”

Penny smiles. “You can Teagan. I’ll help you. And regardless of whether you travel with Kevin or go back to teaching, he’s never going to stop loving you. He wants to spend his life with you.” When Teagan once again closes her eyes, Penny says, “I think we’ve talked enough today. You look tired.”

Teagan opens her eyes. “I’ve been tired since it happened. I don’t sleep well…when Kevin’s not there.” She blushes deeply. “When he…umm…I don’t have…”

Penny laughs. “Teagan, I’m not going to ask about your sex life with Kevin.”

Teagan averts her gaze. “It’s just…when he’s with me…I don’t have the nightmares.”

Penny nods thoughtfully. “Next time, we’ll talk about the nightmares.” Opening her datebook, she says, “I managed to free up Friday afternoon for you. Want to come back around 1:00 and we’ll pick up where we left off?”

Teagan nods. “Yes…I…Penny, thank you.”

Penny smiles. “Teagan, you don’t have to thank me. We have a long way to go and you just might hate me before it’s over because I’m going to make you face things you try to avoid.” Picking up the binder containing the newspaper articles, she says, “Starting with this. Take it home and read it. We’re going to talk about it Friday.”

Teagan slowly reaches for the book. She stares at the cover and whispers, “What if I can’t read it?”

Penny laughs. “You can. You’re stronger than you realize. Now, go home and relax. I’ll see you on Friday.” When Teagan turns to leave, Penny says, “Teagan, if you start having suicidal thoughts again, call me. If…if you need me to, I can hospitalize you…”

Teagan shakes her head. “I won’t…I mean…I don’t think…I won’t try again.”

Penny is thoughtful as Teagan leaves the room. When the door closes with a soft click, she sighs deeply and falls into her chair. In her professional opinion, Teagan is not suicidal. But Kevin has some real fears about Teagan’s ability to make it through the sessions and facing what has happened to her. Grabbing her note pad, she starts jotting down notes for future sessions. Once Teagan comes to terms with John Tate’s mental health issues…she has to face the next hurdle; the realization that for the last three years she’s worked with John Tate’s step sister at the school. And that SHE was the probable target of her brother’s rampage all along.


Chapter End Notes:
Hope you're still with me!! ~ D