Dark Times In Still Waters
Chapter 39
By Dottie
Copyright 2014
Brian comes home with Natalie Sunday afternoon. For the first time in months, their apartment is filled with laughter. At dinnertime, Kevin and Brian went out to pick up food leaving Natalie and Teagan to talk.
Teagan listens to Natalie ramble on and on about her weekend with Brian. She knows Natalie is trying to avoid asking her about her therapy and Kevin. Finally, she butts in and says, "Nat, its ok if you want to ask."
Natalie stares at her. "Are you ok? What made you call Kevin?"
Teagan smiles softly. "I didn't. He saw Penny Friday before I did and he waited. I...when I saw him in the parking lot waiting for me...I realized I can't do it alone. I need him and you and...well...he's going to my session with me on Tuesday. I know you have to work but maybe...well...can we talk about it?"
She nods eagerly. "Of course...Teag...anything you need!"
Teagan lowers her eyes. "Have you seen...how is Caroline?"
Natalie reaches for Teagan's hand. "She took a leave. I haven't seen her in weeks."
Teagan looks around the room, her nerves on edge. Finally she whispers, "It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault."
Natalie scoots closer to Teagan and puts her arm around her shoulder. "You're right, it wasn't. Are you...Teag, are you ok?"
Teagan nods. "I think so. I told Kevin, I want to stay angry because when I'm mad it doesn't hurt. He said if it doesn't hurt it will never heal."
Natalie chuckles. "That sounds like an old adage those Kentucky boys learned at their Grandma's knee."
Teagan smiles. "You're right it does. But...I think he's right." Looking at Natalie, she whispers, "I need to talk to Caroline."
With tears in her eyes Natalie whispers, "Want to go now?"
Teagan nods. "Yes. I want to go before Kevin and Brian get back. This is...I know Kevin wants to be with me for all of this, but I think when I talk to Caroline it will be better for both of us if you're there."
Natalie stands up and grabs her purse. "OK, let's go. But what about the boys?"
Teagan sighs. "Can you call Brian and tell him to stall Kevin? Maybe give us an hour?"
She nods. "Sure, I'll call from the car, let's go."
When they park in front of Caroline Tate-Smith's house, Teagan feels uneasy. She almost chickens out until she sees Caroline come out onto the porch with her 4 year old son, Nathan. Even though both are bundled up against the cold, Teagan can see Caroline has lost weight. Her face is pale and even though she's laughing at her son's antics in the snow, the smile doesn't reach her eyes.
Teagan gets out of the car and waits to be noticed. When Caroline looks up and sees her she gasps. Natalie walks around the car and says, "Hey Caroline." Seeing the little boy looking up at her smiling, she kneels. "Hi Nathan. How's my favorite boyfriend?"
As Nathan giggles and throws a loose handful of snow at Natalie, Caroline steps closer to Teagan. "I...what...how are you?"
Teagan shrugs lightly. "I guess...I don't really know. I...Caroline, are you ok?"
Shaking her head, Caroline whispers. "No. Oh God Teagan, I'm so sorry about what John did. He was so sick...I tried so hard to get him to go back into the hospital. I begged and pleaded with them to take him..."
Teagan steps closer and grabs Caroline in a fierce hug. As the two ladies embrace, Teagan whispers, "It's not your fault Caroline. It's no one's fault." As the younger woman sobs, Teagan whispers, "I'm sorry your brother died."
Caroline sobs harder and Teagan holds her tightly, her own tears falling. She hears Nathan cry out, "Mommy, Mommy!"
As Caroline pulls away to turn to her son, Teagan whispers, "I'm sorry if I upset him."
Caroline scoops up Nathan, hugging him closely. "It's ok...Mommy cries a lot lately. He just doesn’t understand."
Teagan shivers and reaches out to touch Caroline's arm. "Caroline...please...don't cry because of what happened to me. It's not your fault."
Sniffling, Caroline whispers, "Whose fault is it? He was after me."
Shaking her head, Teagan whispers, "No...I don't think so. I don't think your brother would have tried to hurt anyone if he hadn't been sick." As she's saying the words, Teagan realizes it's not just to placate a grieving sister. She knows herself its true. "He didn't mean to hurt me or anyone else Caroline."
With Nathan clinging to her neck, Caroline hugs Teagan. "When he was medicated he was the nicest guy in the world. I...I lost John a long time before he died that day. When they told me he was dead, I was...almost relieved. He wasn't in pain anymore."
Teagan nods, her breathing shallow. "Caroline...we both have to let it go. Maybe...maybe we can have lunch soon. I still…I have trouble coping sometimes. But maybe you can tell me about…your brother. Before he got sick.”
Caroline nods slowly. "I'd like to talk to you about him Teagan."
Giving her a small smile, Teagan whispers, "I'll call you." Rubbing Nathan's back, she whispers, "You take care of your Mommy ok?" He nods shyly. Looking at Caroline, she whispers, "If...if you need to talk...I have an awesome therapist. Her name is Penelope Grant. If...if it hadn't been for her...and Natalie and Kevin...I don't think I could have come here."
Caroline nods slowly. "I...I'm so glad you came. I never had a chance...to tell you..."
Teagan shakes her head. "It's ok Caroline. I wouldn't have listened before now anyway." She turns to walk away and then looks back. "It's good to see you Caroline."
Caroline nods, tears shining in her eyes. "It's good to see you too Teagan."
Once they are on their way back to the apartment, Natalie glances at her friend. "Teagan, are you ok?"
Sighing, Teagan whispers, "I guess." In a shaky voice, she says softly, "I never realized...I wasn't the only one that got hurt. I wasn't even the one that was hurt the worst. I...I lost my job. She lost her family."
Natalie pulls off the road, cutting the engine, before turning to Teagan. "Sweetie, you lost more than your job. I feel bad for Caroline, I do. She did lose part of her family. But you lost part of you. And now look at you...you're back."
Teagan sighs deeply. "Am I back?"
Natalie smiles and nods. "Of course you are. Look what you just did. You opened your heart up and did what you always do. You took care of someone else. You didn't let that scar stop you from caring about others."
Reaching up to touch her neck, Teagan whispers, "I forgot all about it."
Natalie smiles. "Of course you did. Because it doesn't change who you are."
Teagan smiles with her friend, tears stinging her eyes. "Nat...let's go home."
Natalie nods, starting the car. "Yes, let's go have dinner with our guys."
Teagan chuckles. "You're happy with Brian, aren't you?"
Natalie sighs, nodding. "More than you'll ever know. For a while, I thought we were just going to be fuck buddies. I tried to tell myself that was enough, but it wasn't and it never would have been. I...I went to California to break up with him. I love him but I wasn't ready to settle for half of him."
Teagan looks out the window and smiles. "You shouldn't settle Nat. You deserve only the best."
Natalie laughs. "We both do. There's something about these Kentucky cousins..."
Thinking about Kevin, her heart races. "They are pretty special, aren't they?"
Natalie spares her a glance as she turns into the parking lot of their building. "They are the best. And don't we deserve the best?"
As she gets out of the car, she looks up and sees Kevin and Brian waiting just inside the door of their building talking. When Kevin looks up and catches sight of her, his smile widens. She sighs and whispers, "Yes...they are the best."
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tried to post last night...so glad to see things back to normal here. :)
Chapter End Notes:
Let me know!! ~ D
