Why Are We Still Friends

By Rachel

Copyright 2014

Chapter 15

“So you want to tell me what’s going on between you and Nick?” Bella asked while looking through a rack of shirts.

“Not really.” I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about the Nick fiasco. Some things were better left unsaid.

“You know you are going to have to face him sometime soon. Anna, too.”

“Well, they’ll have to come to me.” I said sharply.

Bella looked at me for a moment. “This isn’t the Lexi I know. Usually you are begging forgiveness even if you weren’t the cause of the fight.”

“Bella, this isn’t the time or place to get into it. Let’s just say I’m just as angry at myself as I am Nick and Anna.”

I let myself be played by Nick. I knew better than to sleep with him, but I wanted to live my womanly dream of making love to Nick Carter. Boy was I stupid. It was the worst mistake of my life. Hell, even my first time was better than either time with Nick.

“Let’s go get some lunch. A glass of wine will help you clear your head.” She pulled me out of the store.

Once we sat down and ordered lunch, I still didn’t feel like talking about it. Maybe it was because I felt if I told someone, everyone would end up knowing. I didn’t want to be that girl.  The one her friends pitied for being so stupid. It only made things worse cause Nick and I had the same friends.

“You know you’ll feel better if you talk.” Bella prodded.

Fine, I decided to give in. Bella was as good as AJ when it came to getting things out of you. I took a huge gulp of my wine. At this rate I was going to need a whole bottle to get through this.

“Nick and I slept together a second time. It was just as horrible as the first time.” I groaned. “Who would have thought he was so bad in bed? I mean it was horrible.”

“Was it really as bad as you are saying?” Bella leaned in. “I’ve heard plenty of women talk about him and how magical his dick is.”

“Then maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem. If every woman thinks he’s a sex god, what’s wrong with me?” I took a long sip of my wine, emptying the glass.

“Lexi, you aren’t the typical girl. You just don’t sleep with any guy.” She paused as the waiter brought our food. “You actually care about someone before you have sex.”

“But I love Nick. Hell more than any other guy, including the ones I’ve been with.”  I picked at my chicken.

“But you feel guilty. You knew that he was sleeping with your friend.  As much as you and Anna don’t get along, in your mind you know you were betraying her trust.”

Maybe Bella was on to something. Now I felt even worse. Sleeping with Nick was wrong on so many levels. I was going to lose my friends because I had sex with Nick twice. This was the biggest mistake I ever made.

“You hit the nail on the head. I’m still in love with him.” I fidgeted uncomfortably. “I wish I didn’t.  It’s hard seeing him with Anna. My gut says he likes her more than he is letting on.”

Bella sips her wine. “Then you need to talk to Nick. Maybe you should tell him the truth. It’s not healthy to keep it inside. At least you’ll know if he feels the same. If he doesn’t then you can move on.”

“You make it sound easy. I’ve been in love with him for years. How do I switch that off?” I pushed my plate aside. I wasn’t hungry anymore.

“Go on dates. Find a man that will make you forget about him. I’m not saying it’s easy, but there is a man out there that is going to fall head of heals in love with you. He’s out there, Lexi.”

“I know. And I will find him when the time is right.” I trailed off.

“It sounds like you’ve heard that before.” Bella smiled at me.

“Every time I’m with my mom. She’s ready for me to get married and have a houseful of babies. I think she feels sorry for me that I can’t get a man and settle down.” I sighed softly. I didn’t want to be an old maid, but I wasn’t got to marry the first man I saw. I wanted to be in love with the right man. The man I could see forever with.

“Ok, we are not doing this. You are not going to feel sorry for yourself. You are a beautiful woman. Let’s get you a sexy outfit for your birthday dinner.

“Yeah, for you and AJ. That’s funny.”  We got up to leave.

“There will be other men at your dinner.” Bella gave me a sly smile.

“Oh yes, Brian. I don’t think that counts.” I rolled my eyes.

“What’s wrong with Brian?” She questioned.

“Nothing is wrong with Brian. He’s a great friend, but I just can’t see us dating.”

“Brian’s such a nice guy. It’s a shame he hasn’t found the right one. Any woman would be happy have such a doting man. He’d make the best husband.” Bella commented.

I didn’t understand why she needed to spell out Brian’s virtues. He was a great guy. Everyone knew that. He was charming and funny. Brian was caring and always made me feel special. Unlike most of the guys in my life, he always remembered the little things; like what my favorite jelly bean was and he’d bring me a bag just because. Any lady would be lucky to date him, I just wasn’t that girl.

Brian was one of my good friends. He knew almost everything about me. We could talk for hours. I could tell him my secrets because I knew he’d keep them. The only secret Brian didn’t know about was Nick.

“Umm…yeah.” I said pulling myself out of my thoughts. “He’ll find somebody.”

“Are you okay, Lexi.?”

“I’m fine.” I said quickly. “Why?”

“You seem to be in a fog.” Bella looked at me strangely. I shook it off.

“I’m fine. Let’s finish shopping.”