Why Are We Still Friends
After a sleepless night, I finally decided to get my butt out of bed. I padded my way downstairs. I heard Brian and Nick in a heated discussion in the kitchen. I stood in the hallway eavesdropping, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
“Brian, you’re being an ass. You’re going to lose a good thing if you keep this up.” Nick was pissed. I could tell by the tone of his voice.
“It’s…just…I’m not ready. You’re the only one that knows.” Brian’s voice was filled with desolation. I was not used to hearing him sound that way. What was so bad that he couldn’t tell anyone?
“Don’t be such an ass. Man up and come clean.” Nick didn’t hesitate to tell Brian what he thought.
Brian voice rose. “It’s complicated. I need more time. I can’t hurt Lexi.”
I pushed the door open and walked in. “You already hurt me. Blatantly keeping secrets from me hurts.”
“See Brian. You fucked up.” Nick pointed out the obvious.
“Nick, stop. This isn’t your battle to fight. This is between me and Brian.” I walked over toward him. I squeezed his hand letting him know I could handle Brian. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.
Nick leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Don’t take any of his bullshit. I’m on your side. If you need me, I’ll be in the living room.”
“Thanks Nick.” I was grateful for my friendship with Nick. He was always there for me, which is more than I could say for my boyfriend.
Once Nick left the room, I grabbed a bottle of water and a yogurt. I sat at the island eating my breakfast and thinking about what I wanted to say to Brian. I was so angry I could spit nails. Brian was leaning against the counter looking guilty.
“Lexi, I’m sorry.” He said without looking at me.
I slammed my yogurt container down. “Sorry doesn’t cut it, Littrell.”
“There’s no reason to be so pissy. I’m trying here.” He set his cup in the sink and walked over to me.
“I have every right to be pissy. You lied to me. You told me lies and didn’t think anything of it.”
Brian reached out to caress my arm, but I pushed his hand aside. I didn’t want him touching me. “Lexi what is wrong with you?”
“What is wrong with me? Do you really have to ask that?” I yelled while standing up. “YOU LIED TO ME!!!”
“I’m sorry.” He apologized. I was having a hard time believing him. There was no sincerity in his voice.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it. I felt like such a fool calling your mother, and you weren’t there. Your mom thinks I’m nuts.”
The silence in the room was eerie. What else could I say? Apparently Brian didn’t want to be honest with me. He’d rather keep his secrets and pretend like nothing happened. That didn’t sit well with me.
“Lex, baby, things are complicated at the moment. Please try and understand. I’m not trying to hurt you.” He said calmly. I couldn’t believe he was trying to rationalize what he was doing.
“Brian, I don’t know if I can be in a relationship with you. I believe in trust and honesty. You’re so busy hiding the truth from me. I’ve lost my trust in you.” I felt weak. I wiped a stray tear from my eye. I wasn’t going to let him see me cry.
“Tiger Lilly, please. I love you so much. I need you in my life.” He begged.
“Don’t call me that. I can’t deal with your dishonesty. I thought you were different from other men. You were one of my best friends. You totally screwed up.” I raised my voice. I was sick of Brian’s shit.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Brian screamed. I’ve never seen him so angry.
“You’re the fuck that is wrong with me. You just don’t get it.” I stood up.
“I’ve never seen you be a bitch. Where’s the sweet and kind Lex I know?” He questioned, while glaring at me.
“The sweet Lexi is gone. I’m tired of you and everyone else treating me like shit. I’m never allowed to get angry. Alexia McLean is always supposed to be happy no matter how people treat her. I’m done.” I started towards the door. My head was hurting from our argument and we weren’t getting anywhere.
“Damn, Lexi are you on your period?” Brian said quietly to himself.
I turned around and glared at him for a few moments before I spoke. “For your information, I’m not on my period. Thanks to your absurd comment, I realize my period is late.”
“Not again.” Brian murmured under his breath as his face blanched.
“What…do you mean…not again?” I questioned.
“Nothing.” He walked away. This conversation wasn’t over. I followed Brian onto the porch.
“What is going on Brian? Please tell me the truth.” I placed my hand on his back. Something was troubling him. He looked tortured. That wasn’t the Brian I knew and loved. “I’m here for you.”
Brian pulled away from me and sat on the steps. “Lex, not this time. You are going to hate me.”
I sighed. “You can’t keep it to yourself. That’s not healthy. Eventually you’re going to have to come clean.”
“I can’t” He yelled. The tone in his voice told me he was crying.
I sat down beside him. I rubbed his back trying to calm him down. I was still mad at him, but it broke my heart that he was in such despair. What could be so bad the he couldn’t tell me?
“Lexi, I’m so ashamed. I’ve been dishonest to everyone I care about for the last few years.” Brian said while looking at his shoes. He couldn’t even look me in the eye.
“Nothing can be so bad that you hid it from everyone.”
“Lexi, I have a daughter.” He whispered. Did I hear him correctly?
“You have a daughter?” I asked, not believing what I heard.
He nodded his head. “She’s four years old. Her…her name is Katy Jane, and she’s beautiful.”
My heart shattered in a million pieces at that moment. I never knew Brian to be a deceitful man. How could you keep a child a secret for all those years? “Brian, I don’t know what to think. Why? Keeping your child a secret is just wrong. You’re not the man I thought I knew.”
I couldn’t stand being near my boyfriend. I got up and ran into the house. I bypassed Nick and sprinted upstairs. Once inside the bedroom, I locked the door and fell to the bed in tears. My life was falling apart.