Why Are We Still Friends
Work was keeping me busy today. That was a good thing since it kept my mind off the drama in my life. It was easier to concentrate on the kids I was taking care of.
“Janine, we’re getting a new patient in room 714. She’ll be here in about an hour.” I continued flipping through a stack of paperwork. Sweat was dripping down my face. “Timothy’s surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. Dr. Rollins needs his vitals sent down in the morning before nine.”
“Got it. Are you okay?” Janine asked.
“I’m fine.” I looked at her, while wiping the sweat off my face. She rolled her eyes and walked away.
I busied myself with typing up a report. At least work and school kept me busy. Every other waking moment was filled with thoughts and concerns about the baby and what I was going to do. There was so much to think about.
“Timothy would like to see you. He has a new video game to show you.” Janine smiled at me as she leaned against the counter.
A few minutes later I made my way to Timothy’s room. I could hear him laughing. It made my heart swell, especially after all the he’s been through. He was always happy and pleasant. I knocked on the door.
“Come on in.” He said cheerfully.
“I heard you got a new game.” I replied happily. There was no reason to be depressed in front of my favorite patient.
“It’s Sonic Dash. Brian got it for me.” He beamed.
I looked over and saw Brian sitting in a chair. He gave me a smile. I plastered a fake smile on my face. I didn’t want Timothy to know anything was wrong. It wasn’t fair to him. “Hi Brian.” I attempted to be cheerful.
“Hey, Lexi.” He looked unsure. I couldn’t read his face.
“So Timothy are you going to beat the pants off of Brian?” I joked while fluffing his pillows.
He started to chuckle. “I sure hope so Lexi. Can you stay and watch us play?”
“I’d love to, but I’m still working. I will check in on you and see whose winning. If you beat Brian, I will have a special surprise for you.” I said.
“Hey that’s not fair.” Brian whined. “I thought I was your friend.”
“You are my friend, but I like Timothy more.” I teased. All of a sudden I felt a wave of nausea hit. I ran out of the room to the nearest bathroom.
After heaving up my breakfast, I slowly got up. I looked in the mirror at myself. Geesh, I never remembered having bags under my eyes. I looked like shit. Splashing water on my face didn’t do it any justice. I still looked horrendous.
“Lexi, are you feeling okay? I heard you upchucking in the bathroom.” Janine commented as I sat down at my desk. “Maybe you should go home.”
“I’m fine.” I insisted. There’s no way I could go home every time I had a bout of morning sickness. For the first time this pregnancy was real in my eyes. I had a growing fetus inside me. It was part of me and part of Brian.
“You don’t want the kids catching it. What if it’s a virus?” She questioned. I loved how my colleagues were concerned about the patients. Made me proud of the job I was doing.
“It’s not a virus.” I started fiddling with the stack of folders on my desk.
“Are you sure? You look pale and exhausted.” Janine commented. I loved her dearly, but I wish she would leave me be.
“It was morning sickness.” I stated casually while opening a file.
“You’re pregnant?” Brian asked from behind Janine. I stood up and walked out of the nurse’s station. He looked panicked.
“Brian, can we talk about this later?” This was not a conversation I wanted to have at work.
“Yes or no?” His eyes bored a hole through me. I’ve never seen Brian so angry in my entire life. This was not good.
My throat was dry, as I tried to get it out. I barely whispered. “Yes.”
“Fuck, Lexi.” He banged his hand on the wall.
“Excuse me, but we don’t talk that way on this floor. We’ll talk tonight. Meet me at my house at seven.” With that I walked away.
My nerves were shot waiting for Brian. He was pissed about the baby. Things were not going to end well. I wasn’t sure where he stood when it came to having a child. I’m sure he wasn’t happy considering he hid his daughter from the world.
The doorbell rang and I felt sick to my stomach. This time is wasn’t morning sickness. I was afraid of a confrontation with Brian. I opened the door and Brian passed without a word. I entered the living room and took a seat furthest from Brian.
“How the fuck can someone as smart as you get yourself pregnant?” He spat at me.
“Birth control isn’t one-hundred percent.” I bit my lip, so I wouldn’t cry. I wasn’t going to let him see me unbridled. I needed to keep my cool.
He groaned and put his face in his hands. After he had his moment, he continued to berate me. “You’re a fucking nurse. How can you of all people get yourself knocked up? This is a fucking mess.”
“I know it’s a mess. I didn’t intentionally plan on getting pregnant, especially knowing about your past.”
“Don’t dredge up my past. This is different Lexi. I love you. I can’t deal with a baby.” He walked over to me and sat down.
“Get away from me.” I moved to the couch. I didn’t want Brian near me. “You can’t just pretend like I’m not pregnant. It doesn’t work that way. I’m sorry it was unplanned, but we can’t undo it.” I felt myself getting emotional. This was my baby. Nothing was going to hurt my baby.
“Lexi, I’m not cut out to be a dad.”
“Yeah, I see how you are with Katy Jane. I don’t want that for our baby.” I said seriously. There was no way my baby was going to have a father that showed up when he saw fit. I’d rather my child not have a father.
“So does that mean you want to be with me?” Brian looked hopeful.
“No.” I replied honestly. Brian looked taken aback. “It means that you are a full time dad to your child. We don’t have to be together to be parents. I love you, Brian. You’re one of my closest friends. I don’t want to lose that. I think we can make it work.”
Brian looked like he was ready to vomit. I knew it was a lot for him to take in. “Lex, I don’t know. Give me time to think about it. I don’t know if I can do what you’re asking.”
“All I ask is for you to think about it.” I said solemnly. In my heart I know Brian could care less. He doesn’t want the baby.
“Sweetheart, can we please keep this on the down low. I can’t have anyone knowing about the pregnancy. It won’t look good. If the media finds out; it’s going to start a whirlwind of drama. I’m not prepared for that.” Brian pleaded.
“I don’t plan on telling anyone, but I’m not going to be able to hide it forever.” I snarled at him.
“Just keep it a fucking secret.” He growled at me. His blue eyes are filled with hatred.
I know I should tell him that Nick and Bella already know, but I’m afraid. If he’s yelling at me now, the truth will just make it worse. This was a side of Brian I never wanted to see again. He scared me. “Fine.” I mumbled as I looked at the ground.
“I’m out of here, Lexi. Take care. If you get horny and need some relief, give me a call. Love ya, Sweetheart.” He slammed the door as he left.
My heart broke once again at Brian’s last comment. What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn’t I find a good man to love me?