Why Are We Still Friends?
After my fight with Brian, I sent Nick home. I needed time to figure things out. I found a notepad and went out onto the beach. Maybe if I listed the pros and cons I would be able to make some sense of what I needed and wanted. I knew no matter what someone was going to end up hurt.
After what seemed like an eternity, my paper was blank. It was like if I wrote it down it made it real. I didn’t want to choose. I loved them both. Lately Brian was acting like an ass, while Nick was treating me like a princess. Did it really even matter? Brian was the father of my baby. It would look bad if I chose his best friend over him. How could I do that to my child?
I threw my pen toward the ocean. I was frustrated beyond belief. I gathered my belongings and made my way back to the house.
“Lexi, you’re going to catch a cold. It’s freezing out here.” My brother commented as I stepped on the deck.
“That’s not how you catch a cold.” I replied and walked inside. He followed behind me.
“How are you feeling?” I shrugged at his question. “I heard about your fight with Bella. I’m here to apologize.”
“You don’t need to apologize for your wife. We have a difference of opinion when it comes to my life. Just leave it be.” I busied myself with making some tea.
“It hurts me to see you closing yourself off from everyone. This is the time where you need to rely on your friends and family.”
“I can do this on my own. I don’t need anyone.” I said, even though I knew it wasn’t the truth. I wasn’t sure who I could depend on.
“Cut the bullshit, Lexi. You know damn well that you’re being stubborn. You can play strong, bullheaded Alexia McLean with everyone else. It’s not going to work with me.” AJ took two cups from the cupboard.
I finished making our tea and sat down at the island. This was not a conversation I wanted to have with my brother. Somehow I knew he wasn’t leaving until we did.
“Sis, I’m not going to judge you. All I want is for you and your baby to be happy and have the best life possible. If you want to give up on men and become a lesbian, I’m okay with that.”
I rolled my eyes at him. It was comforting knowing someone was on my side. It helped with my decision to open up to my brother. He was the least judgmental person I knew.
“Brian and I can’t seem to make things work. All we do is fight. When we aren’t fighting; we’re in bed together. It’s not how I thought our relationship was going to be.”
“Sex isn’t the answer. It’s usually this first place you go when things suck. The closeness you feel when making love can’t fix the problems.”
I blushed realizing I’m talking to my brother about my sex life. Can this get any more embarrassing? Yeah, it can. AJ is going to see what a failure I am when it comes to relationships.
“Lexi, relationships are built on trust and communication. Are you avoiding talking to Brian about the real problem you’re having?” AJ questioned softly. He was being totally genuine in helping me solve my issues. It made it easier for me to confide in him.
“I feel like I’ve hit a wall when it comes to Brian. All we do is fight and trade insults. We never actually talk. When we start talking it ends up with Brian sweet talking me into the bedroom. Nothing ever gets resolved.”
“Maybe you should find a place where you can’t have sex. Then you’ll be able to talk.” AJ suggested.
“We can have sex anywhere.” I said with a smile.
“Please don’t go there. You’re my baby sister.” He shook his head in disgust. I couldn’t help but chuckle at my brother. “Back to you and Brian. You two really need to figure things out. If you both decide to go your separate ways, you’re still going to be bonded for life. Baby Littrell is going to need both parents.”
“Don’t you mean Baby McLean-Littrell?” I say casually. I sipped my tea, avoiding the stare I’m getting from AJ.
“That sounds like you’ve already written off your relationship with Brian.”
“Hardly. Is it so wrong for me to want my baby to have my last name? It’s not like Brian and I are married.” I slammed my cup down. Anger coursed through my body.
“Lexi, you really need to talk to Brian. You’ve got to get it sorted out.”
“It will be. Are we done talking about it?” I grumbled.
AJ reached over and gave me a hug. “So, how’s Nick? I haven’t seen him lately.”
“Nick is good. He just left a little bit ago.” I smiled. I enjoyed spending time with Nick. He was the only one not getting on my nerves.
“He’s a good friend to you. Mom said he spent the evening with you at the hospital.”
“He did which is more than I can say for some people.” I bit my lip when I realized what I said. AJ was going to have a field day with this. “Forget I said that.”
“Brian was an ass for not being there for you.” My brother was starting to get pissed. I didn’t want him involved. Damn me and my big mouth.
“Stop. He did come to check on me, but he had Katy Jane with him. It wasn’t like he could camp out beside my bed. It was fine. I don’t expect anyone to sit and stare at me.”
“Don’t. I can handle things on my own. I don’t need you getting involved. I’ll work things out with Brian. Just let me do it on my own.” I rushed on. I really didn’t feel like talking about it.
AJ stood up. “That wasn’t what I was going to say. Maybe you’re looking at the wrong guy. Nick has shown you that he cares about it. His actions are proof.”
“Don’t go there, Alex. You were the one that told me Brian was in love with me. Now, you’re switching teams. Stop trying to control my love life. I need to focus on the baby.” I placed the cups in the sink.
“Alexia, I want you to be happy.” He said sadly.
“Everyone wants me to be happy. I don’t want to be happy. I just want to be alone.” I screamed.
“It’s okay. I understand. Don’t hide yourself from the people that love you. Take time and follow your heart. You can’t let anyone decide what you truly want. I’ll be there to support you no matter what, Lexi. I love you.” AJ gave me a hug and walked out.
Could my life get any more complicated?