Why Are We Still Friends
AJ forced me and Brian to meet at his house to talk. He figured it was a neutral place. I laughed thinking about my earlier conversation with my brother. I guess we couldn't have sex in his house.
"Brian" I stated quietly. "This feels so awkward. I don't want to feel that way."
He looked at me. His eyes didn't sparkle like they usually did. Maybe I was causing him just as much pain. Neither of us was being fully committed to our relationship. I was only thinking of myself. That wasn't me. Guilt ran through my veins.
"Tiger Lilly, I don't want it to be that way between us. I love you." His voice was full of pain.
"I love you, too." I did love him with all my heart. "I never expected our relationship to fall apart. Maybe I was naive in thinking that it was going to be a fairy tale. I've always guarded my heart, but I dropped the wall for you. Yet you're the one that has hurt me the most."
Brian shifted angrily. "Damn it Lexi. I never set out to hurt you. You act like your perfect. You never made a mistake. I'm human."
Tears started to fall from my eyes. I hated Brian's temper. He made me feel like everything was my fault. At this point things weren't going well, would we ever overcome our problems. "I know you are human. You lied to me for years. I was one of your best friends and you didn't trust me enough to tell me you had a kid. I wouldn't have judged you and you know that. I would have embraced Katy Jane and treated her like family. It makes me wonder what else you have hidden from me. I'm having trouble trusting you."
Brian moved onto the couch next to me. He took my hands in his. I stared into his eyes and saw the man I loved. "Lex, I wish I could take back all the lies. I want you to trust me. I hate fighting with you. I love you so much, Tiger Lilly." Tears were running down his face.
We wrapped our arms around each other and cried. I could feel the tension leave my body. Our problems weren’t gone, but at least we were talking about them. This was a step in the right direction. Our love was strong enough to overcome this snag in our relationship.
“What can I do to fix things?” Brian spoke first. “How do I gain back your trust?”
I looked at him through tear-stained eyes. My Brian was back. The one I knew and loved beyond reason. “You need to be honest with me about everything. No keeping secrets from each other.”
“Lex, I’m not hiding anything else from you. I promise to be an open book from now on. Keeping secrets has taken a toll on me. I’ve missed us, Tiger Lilly.”
“I’ve missed us, too.” I press a kiss to his cheek. “How are we going to fix things? I want us to get back to the way we used to be.”
“I think being honest and talking about everything is a good start. We need to spend more time together. It’s been hard not seeing you every day.” Brian admitted. This was definitely a step in the right direction. Brian and I could make this work. It was the right thing to do.
“I think we should have dinner together tonight like a real date. Do you have plans with Katy Jane?” I hesitated. This would be would the start of us truly being a couple. I would understand if he was doing something with his daughter, but I wanted to be part of his life again.
“Katy Jane and her mom went back to Kentucky. Vi has work.” He explained to me. I didn’t like the way he said Vi, but I think my mind was trying to play tricks on me. She was the mother of his child and nothing more.
“I bet you already miss her. She’s adorable.” I smiled at him.
“It was so hard watching her leave. Everything she does is so cute and funny.” He beamed. He loved his daughter unconditionally. Would he love our child this much? Why was I always worried about Brian loving his child? It didn’t make any sense; just an irrational fear that kept playing in my mind.
“I would love to get to know Katy Jane better. Do you think her mom would mind if I spent time with her when they come back to Florida?”
“Vi would be ok with that. She has a boyfriend, so she understands that I want Katy Jane to get to know you. You’re a part of my life. Plus Katy Jane is going to be a big sister.”
“Does she know?” I asked curious, as I cuddled against Brian. It was nice just being able to talk to Brian. The tension between us was lessening. It was getting easier to talk to him.
“I haven’t told her yet. I want Katy Jane to meet you first.” Brian explained.
“Yeah, she’s going to wonder why I look like I swallowed a ball.” I giggled as I placed my hand on my slightly protruding belly.
“You look beautiful pregnant.” Brian placed a quick kiss on my cheek.
“Thanks. Just remind me how beautiful I am, when I can’t see my feet. You’re going to have to put my socks on and tie my shoes.”
‘You can always count on me.” He kissed me again. “Why don’t you head home and get dolled up. I’ll pick you up around seven for dinner.”
After Brian left, I sat on the couch lost in my thoughts. It was nice getting things out in the open. Did it solve our problems? No, but hopefully it was a start. I loved Brian with all my heart, yet I was having doubts. I knew I needed to give him time to prove himself to me. Things were not going to change instantly. I had to give it time.
“Everything okay? Where’s Brian?” AJ asked walking into the room.
“Brian went home. We’re going out to dinner tonight.” I slowly stood up.
My brother grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. He embraced me. “Lexi, take it slow. Really talk with Brian. Don’t just fall into bed and think things are going to work. It’s going to take time to get things back to normal.”
“I love when you go big brother on me.” I teased.
“Lexi, I’m trying to be serious here.” My brother looked me in the eye. The look in his eyes was enough to make me sober up. “I know you’re tired of everyone telling you how to live your live. In all honesty, it’s up to you to decide what is best for you. If you want my opinion, I’ll give it to you when you’re ready to hear it.”
“Alex, thank you.” I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.
“Just one more thing. Follow your heart, Alexia. You may hurt someone, but that person shouldn’t be youself.” AJ gave me one last squeeze. “Now go get ready for you date. Make sure you look sexy, but not too sexy.”
“Thanks. I love you.” I said as I walked out the door. My brain was starting to hurt from all this seriousness. Hopefully, I could just enjoy my evening with Brian.