Chapter 17

Project: nkotBSB

By Dottie

Copyright 2012

Chapter 17

I think last night was a turning point for me.  At least it seems like it.  Even though I was embarrassed to no end about the questions about Nick and I hanging out, I’m not freaking out about it anymore. It’s hard to when I’m sitting here watching him eat with Howie and Brian and laughing at the stories they are telling me about touring.

It doesn’t seem like Nick and AJ have been talking to Brian and Howie about what happened to me.  I hope it stays that way.  I’m horrified to know I put myself in the position to be attacked.  I promised myself in college I wouldn’t let it happen again and I’ll be damned if I didn’t do just that because I was so fucking pissed at Donnie.  Why did I let him get to me?  I can’t for the life of me figure out the answer to that question.

When AJ and Hanna Jo join us, her face is flush with excitement.  I can tell AJ made up for his brotherly attitude last night.  Brian attempts to flirt with her, but she ignores it, choosing instead to stare at AJ as he wolfs down his dinner.

When the guys get ready to take the stage, Nick pulls me to the side.  “Jessi, you sure you’re ok?”

I smile timidly. “Yes, I’m fine.  Don’t worry about me.”

He bends and kisses my cheek.  “I can’t help it. Where you sitting?”

I smile broadly. “I’ll never tell! You have to find me.”

He winks outrageously. “I’ll do just that Missy!”

I see the twinkle in his eye and I whisper, “Nick…PLEASE don’t pull me up on stage!”

His face falls. “What?  WHY?”

I lower my gaze.  “I just…please don’t. I don’t think I can do it right now.”

He slides his hands around my waist and hugs me gently.  “I get it. I’m sorry; I almost forgot what happened to you.”

I feel safe in his arms.  But I feel unnerved too. I shouldn’t feel this good in his arms.  I don’t want to.

Behind me a door opens and the members of NKOTB come waltzing in.  Nick introduces Hanna Jo and me.  Most of them just ignore us, leading me to believe they are snobbish and rude.  Donnie?  He on the other hand, is just rude.  “Can we talk, Jessi?”

I shrug and leave myself firmly planted against Nick.  “I’d rather not.  Enough has been said.”  Looking up at Nick, I say, “See you later. Knock ‘em dead.”

He escorts me to the door to meet Hanna Jo.  “Will we see you after the show?”

Hanna Jo answers for us. “I think it will depend on how Jessi’s feeling.”

Nick strokes my cheek with one finger. “You feel ok after last night?”

I nod. “I feel fine.  But she’s right. I guess it will depend on how I feel after the show.”

AJ kisses both of us, me on the cheek, thankfully.  Nick hugs me and whispers, “Take care of yourself.  I’d like to see you again someday.”

I almost laugh. I forgot they don’t know we’re following the tour.  “Maybe you will, Nick.”

As we walk around the arena, dodging all the fans clamoring to buy their souvenirs, Hanna Jo and I don’t talk about what happened.  Neither of us wants to advertise we’ve been spending some ‘quality’ time with the boys.

After the show, which blew my mind, we walk out and I call for a taxi.  We both know it’s going to take a while so we sit together on a bench and talk.  “Well, Ho Jo, what did you think about AJ’s hot, sexy moves on stage?”

She giggles.  “It was beyond good.  I mean, we’ve seen all the videos but did you SEE how he moved those hips?”

I can’t help but laugh. “I saw them moving a lot in your direction. Just what did the sex machine do to you when he pulled you away?”

She blushes and stammers.  “We just kissed some.  And he, well, he was aroused.”

Her voice dropped so low I almost didn’t hear her.  “He had a hard on? How do you know? Did you play with it?”

She looks around wildly. “Jessi, STOP IT!”  I let my laughter roll out of me and fall against her, hugging her.  She hugs me back and whispers, “I wanted to.  He said he wanted to take me to his room last night but he didn’t want to pressure me.”

I pull back, reigning in my mirth. “And what, pray tell, was he gonna do to you in his room?”

She stammers and blushes. “Well, I know what…umm…I’d like him to do…but…”

Our cab stops in front of us and we get in.  I give the driver our destination and turn to her. “Ho Jo, you have GOT to loosen up around him.  I think he’ll be good for you.”

She nods and whispers, “He did say he wanted to teach me how to cuss…among other things.”

My squeal of excitement garners us a glare from the obviously overtired cabbie.  When he stops in front of our hotel, I toss money at him through the divider, giving him an overly large tip, and we walk slowly into our hotel.

Once in our room, I collapse on the bed.  “You ok, Jessi?”  Hanna Jo’s question almost makes me cry.

I sigh and sit up. “Yeah, just tired.  And more than a little confused.”

She sits with me. “You finally going to tell me what’s got you so wound up around Nick?”

I think on it a few minutes.  Finally, I say, “I’ll make a deal with you.  Let’s get some sleep.  Our car will be delivered early in the morning and while we drive to Dublin I’ll try to explain it.”

She agrees and we quickly get ready for bed.  In the darkness, I think about Nick and everything that’s happened.  I know I should sleep but I don’t know if I can.  Finally, I whisper, “Hanna Jo, you still awake?”

Instantly, she replies, “Yes. You gonna talk now?”

I sit up and say, “Neither of us will sleep till I do, huh?”

She rolls onto her side and flips on the lamp. “No. So what’s going on?”

In a stilted voice, I tell her about MY life growing up.  While she was sheltered, I was anything but.  She knows about Donnie, but she didn’t know about when I lost my precious virginity, or about the attack in college.  By the time I’m finished unloading my burden, she’s in tears and I feel stronger.

We sit together on my bed and cry.  When the waterworks is over, she whispers, “Jessi…after all that.  And everything….that...jerk...Oakley made you do…no WONDER you’re pushing Nick away!”

I sniffle.  “Oakley was a prick, Ho Jo.  Not JUST a jerk.”

She nods. “AJ said he’d teach me to cuss.”

I can’t help but start laughing.  She watches me in shock, then her laughter joins mine.  When my mirth subsides, I hug her and whisper, “Ho Jo, I’m scared.  What if I can’t be…what if I don’t do it right with Nick?”

I know she’s feeling the same way about AJ.  “Listen, aren’t you the one who told me to give Alex a chance?”  I nod.  “Well, girlfriend, you have to do the same for Nick.  After all, it’s what we’re here for.”  Her face turns blood red and she stammers, “We’re here to…umm…get…umm…be…umm…fucked, right?”

I hug her tightly and squeal, “YAY, YOU SAID IT!”

She giggles nervously.  “I’m so odd, aren’t I?  I can’t even cuss.”

I sigh and say, “It’s not a bad thing Ho Jo.  Let’s get some sleep.”

We both crawl into our beds, but I still can’t doze off.  I grab my phone and search through it till I find the number I want.  Without thinking I hit ‘call’ and in just a few seconds, I hear Nick’s throaty whisper, “Hi Jessi.”

I smile at the phone, quickly moving into the bathroom so I won’t wake Hanna.  “Hey.  I’m sorry is it too late to call?”

I can FEEL his smile. “No, not at all. I was just getting ready to crawl into bed.  What are you doing up? You feel ok?”

I sit on the edge of the tub and say, “I suppose.  I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d take a hot bath.  Then…well, I wanted to…I just wanted to hear your voice.”

He almost sounds like he’s growling when he says, “A hot bath? Girl, the pictures you put in my mind.”

I turn the water on.  “So tell me.”

I hear him sigh.  “Can I come join your bath?”

I slip off my robe and pull up my sleep shirt. “Are you serious?”

He groans.  I take the phone away from my ear long enough to take off my top. When I put it back to my face I hear him mutter, “More serious than you can imagine. But I won’t push.”

I smile as I push my panties off and climb into the bath.  “I hope you know I appreciate it.”

The water sloshes and he moans a little. “What should we talk about? And please, DON’T tell me how nice the water is unless you’re gonna invite me over.”

I sigh and whisper, “I wish I could. But I don’t know if Hanna Jo can take it.”

With a determined tone of voice, he states emphatically, “I can be quiet if you can.”

I want to crawl through the phone and touch him but I know if he were here we couldn’t talk.  I say, “Nick…I think it’s pretty obvious by now I like you.”

He sighs. “I was hoping you did…but…well, when we get close, you shut down.  I know something’s happened…not just last night.  I wish you’d tell me so we can put it behind us and concentrate on the FUNNER things we could do.”

I sigh quietly and whisper, “I’d like that Nick.”

He sounds more relaxed when he says, “OK, so tell me what happened?”

While I lounge in the warm water, I do just that.  I spill the beans about everything.  Donnie, the rape in college, the things Oakley made me do, all of it.  By the time I’m finished, I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.  In the quietness that follows my confession, Nick whispers, “Jessi…my beautiful, sweet Jessi, no one deserves what you’ve been through.”

I sigh and say, “I don’t understand how it is I can talk to you about this now, but I couldn’t before.”

He says, “Does Hanna Jo know?”

I nod to myself.  “I told her tonight. Why?”

He’s quiet for a few seconds.  “Well, I think you’ve held it in for so long…it’s almost like a habit to keep it hidden.  Jessi, I’ve had things happen to me you can’t imagine.  I’ve been in therapy for years.  You have to talk to someone but you didn’t. You stayed closed off. Now that you’ve got it out, you do know that your mother was a lying bitch and your boss should be under a jail for what he did to you, right?”

I run my hand through the cooling water.  “Yeah, I guess.  For so long I felt…unworthy.”

In a warm, rich voice, he asks, “How do you feel now?”

I sigh as my fingertips brush over my thighs.  “Like I don’t have to live in the past anymore.  Like there is a future.”

He chuckles. “I think you feel more than that, but you’re not going to tell me, are you?”

My body tingles with his words. “I don’t know if I should, Mr. Carter.  After all, we only met a few days ago.”

He sighs dramatically. “Come on, Jessi, give me something. Are you at least attracted to me?”

My nipples pucker and I instinctively move my fingers over one and tweak it.  “Oh, I am SO attracted to you Nick. Why do you think I get all tongue tied around you?”

I hear the glee in his voice. “Next time I see you your tongue will be all tied up, I promise you that!”

I whimper and whisper, “Don’t make promises Nick. I may hold you to it.”

I hear him groan. “Girl, the things you do to me!”

I sigh with pleasure. “I…I’m glad you didn’t push Nick…and I’m glad you know now.”

He whispers, “I’m glad too.  But I wish to hell the picture of you in a bath wasn’t in my mind.  I’m dying to see your creamy white skin, slick and wet.”  After I gasp, he whispers, “Send me a picture. I promise, I’ll keep it a secret.”

I giggle and say, “What kind of girl do you think I am, Mr. Carter?”

He laughs.  “The kind I want…right now!  I’ll trade you.  Send me a picture of you right now, and I’ll send you one of me.”

Curiosity gets the best of me.  “What are you doing Nick?”

I feel the heat of his words to my core. “Lying in bed jacking off.” When I gasp, he says, “Hey, I offered to come over there!”

My giggle comes out a throaty moan.  “Kind of makes me wish I said yes.”

He whispers, “When will I see you again?”

I think about the concert in Dublin in less than 24 hours and whisper, “Sooner than you think, Nick. Sooner than you think!”