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Project: nkotBSB

By Dottie

Copyright 2012

 

Chapter 29

 

Jessi

 

After dinner, Nick pulled me away from the restaurant and into a waiting limo.  As it pulls away, heading for my hotel, he says, “Want to explain what was going on earlier?”

 

I know I can’t tell him. I play with the collar of his shirt and say, “Nick, I need to work some stuff out with Hanna Jo before I can talk to you about it, ok?”

 

He watches me closely. “Will you at least ride my bus now? Please? I know AJ is asking Hanna Jo.”

 

Every part of me wants to say yes to him.  Except my heart. My heart wants to keep him safe.  Keep them all safe. I shake my head.  “I really need some space Nick…and some privacy with Hanna Jo. Please…understand…”

 

He shrugs. “I’m trying, but I’m in the dark. Jessi, I know something is seriously wrong, just tell me, ok?”

 

I know I can’t. Putting up my defenses, I say, “Nick, please, just let it go for now, ok? It…doesn’t concern you.” OK, so that’s an out and out lie. But considering the list of sins I’m racking up, I don’t think that one is going to send me to hell.”

 

I turn away, staring out the window.  I feel him slide closer and put his head on my shoulder, his arm around my waist. “Jessi, I’m sorry. I know there are parts of your life that are none of my business…but I care about you, ok?”

 

I lean back against him and nod. “I know,” I whisper. “But Nick, this is something I just have to try to fix on my own, ok? There’s really nothing you can do at this point, just…give me space. OK?”

 

He holds me close until we get to my hotel.  When we get out of the car, he stands close to me. “Can I at least stay with you tonight?”

 

I want him too. God knows how I want him to hold me all night and make all the bad dreams just go away. But I can’t.  “Nick, as much as I’d like you too, I think if I’m going to figure this out, I just need to be alone.”

 

He bends down and kisses me gently. When we part, he whispers, “Call me if you need me, ok?”

 

I nod, afraid to speak.  One last kiss then he climbs back in the limo and leaves.  I slowly make my way upstairs and for the first time since this whole thing started, I’m wishing I never even KNEW who Nick Carter was.

 

 

When Hanna Jo lets herself into the room, I’m in my pajamas and lying across my bed on my stomach.  She falls over beside me.  “You ok, Jessi?”

 

I sigh. “Yeah, just peachy.  How’s AJ?”

 

She looks away. “He’s not happy I won’t ride his bus, but otherwise, he’s ok.”

 

I know she’s hiding something.  I’m just too tired to handle any more secrets. “You can ride with him, Ho Jo. I’ll be perfectly fine with Donnie.”

 

She sits up. Now I know she’s avoiding telling me something. “No, I’m not leaving you alone with him. End of discussion. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to try to sleep.”

 

I should make her tell me. But I just can’t handle much more tonight.  I’m exhausted.  I crawl into bed as she goes into the bathroom to change into her nightgown.  When she comes out, I do make myself say, “Hanna Jo, I’m sorry about this. About everything.” My voice catches and I bite my lip.

 

She sits by me.  “Don’t cry, Jessi. We’ll be ok. We all will. Now, get some sleep.”

 

Just as she’s climbing under her covers, my phone starts ringing.  I grab it slowly, afraid it’s Nick. Even worse. It’s Donnie.  I answer with a curt, “What?”

 

He clicks his tongue on the back of his teeth. “Now, now, be nice Jessi. I was just making sure the travel arrangements are in order.”

 

I punch my pillow. “Damn you, I’ll ride with you. But I want Hanna Jo to go with AJ.”

 

She’s shaking her head at me as Donnie’s says, “Huh uh, both of you with me.  Carter will think I’m behaving if I have your pure little girlfriend tagging along.”

 

I close my eyes. “Why are you doing this? I thought you were different from your...” I bite my lip suddenly.  I don’t know if Donnie knows about his brother Paul and the perversions HE has.

 

Hanna Jo props up on her elbow watching me with alarm. Through my phone, I hear Donnie’s confusion. “Different? Different from who? Carter? You’re fucking right I’m different.  I know how to fuck a woman and make it good for her.”

 

I bite my lip and think fast. “I thought you were different from your past. I guess a leopard doesn’t change his spots.”

 

He’s quiet on the other end. I cross my fingers I’ve struck a nerve and he’ll change his mind.  Instead, he says, “We’ll be there to pick you up at 5:30.  It’s a long ferry ride to England.”

 

I sigh and say, “Fine. But you leave Hanna Jo alone.  Got it?”

 

He snorts. “Maybe. See you tomorrow, Hot Stuff.”

 

After I hang up, I groan. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I almost compared him to his brother!”

 

Hanna Jo looks confused.  “His brother? Isn’t he an actor or something? How do you know his brother?” I close my eyes, cursing myself. She sits up. “Jessi, what the hell are you hiding from me?”

 

She cursed. I open my eyes and she’s glaring at me.  I sit up.  “It’s…one of my clients was his brother Paul. Not the actor. Paul’s a chef.” Her mouth drops. “He’s…he’s a serious freak.  Has a few fetishes that he couldn’t get me to indulge in.” She waits silently for me to continue. “He’s also one of the mobsters.” I think she may have had a stroke. She doesn’t move. She looks at me horrified.  I jump up and kneel in front of her, grabbing her hands. “Hanna, you can’t say anything!  Seriously, I don’t know if Donnie’s involved with what Paul does. Either way, I can’t let Donnie know that I know his brother.”

 

She’s trembling as she hugs my neck. “Jessi, will you be ok? I mean…this is SO dangerous now.”

 

I pull away from her, letting my tears fall.  “Hanna Jo, I wish I’d never come here.”

 

 

At 5:30, our luggage is being stored on Donnie’s bus as I make arrangements for the car I rented to be returned.  Hanna and I both slept fitfully and we both look like the walking dead.  Maybe that will turn Donnie off. But from the way he’s leering at me as he talks to Hanna Jo by the door, odds are he wouldn’t care if I was a leper.

 

Once we’re settled on his bus, Hanna Jo curls up beside me and dozes off with her head on my shoulder.  Donnie is across from us watching me intently. I prop my head on Hanna Jo’s and whisper, “You happy now?”

 

Instead of answering me, he asks a question of his own. “Have you ever done it with Hanna Jo?”

God I want to punch him. “NO! You fucking prick, where do you get off…”

 

He holds up his hand. “Just asking. Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

 

I sigh. “Will you please just let this go? Donnie, I swear, me being here is putting YOU in danger along with everyone else.  I really should just run and leave Hanna Jo with AJ.”

 

He looks curious.  “Tell me about it.”

 

So glossing over details and leaving out the part about the mob entirely, I explain to him what Oakley was doing.  As my story ends, he actually looks…upset.  Holding out his hand, he says, “Come with me.”

 

I ease out from under Hanna Jo. She’s so wiped out, she just falls over on the seat and continues to snooze.  Ignoring his hand I stand and say, “Where?”

 

He grimaces and walks to the back of the bus.  I follow cautiously. When I see him sit on his bed, I shake my head and vehemently whisper, “NO!”

 

He sighs. “I just want to talk. Really.”

 

I lean against the wall. “So talk.”

 

He looks away.  “Jessi…I seriously don’t want to force you. I just want a clear shot.”

 

So that’s it. He’s having an attack of the guilts.  “Donnie, how many times do I have to tell you I got over you? I’m not a star struck teenager anymore. I’ve changed.”

 

He sighs. “That doesn’t change the fact that a very primal part of me wants to ravish you and I want you to want me too.  You just won’t give me a chance.”

 

I sigh. “Donnie, there is no chance. I’m never going to want you to make love to me so just forget it, ok? Forget everything I’ve told you. Anyone that knows about my past is in danger.  Hanna Jo most of all.  When we get to England, I’m leaving her with AJ and I’m getting away from you all. We’ll all be safer if I’m on my own.”

 

He stands and steps closer to me.  I try to push myself into the wall, but he grabs my arms.  “Do you think Hanna Jo would be happy if you ran?”

 

I look away. “No. But she’d be safe.”

 

He pulls me over to the bed and forces me to sit. “Listen, I told you the truth. I wanted one clear shot, and now that I know what happened to you…Jessi, I’m sorry. I still want you and I still think if you gave me a chance it could be good.”

 

I shake my head. “Maybe it would, but I don’t want to find out.”

 

I can see my remark stung.  Before he can fire off a comeback, his phone rings.  He pulls it from his pocket and looks at the screen.  Turning it on, he snarls, “Paul, I’m in the middle of something…can I call you back?” I must have turned white as a sheet.  Donnie pulls the phone from his face, his thumb disconnecting the call as he says, “Jessi, you ok?”

 

I nod wildly, my heart hammering in my chest.  “I’m fine. Can we…will you please just leave me alone?”

 

He sighs and nods. “I’ll try. Why don’t you get some sleep? You look exhausted.”

 

I shrug. “I’m gonna go up front with Hanna Jo.” As I push the door open, I turn back and whisper, “Thanks.” He just smiles. Maybe he really is a nice guy.

 

 

By the time the ferry reaches England and the bus makes it to the arena, Hanna Jo and I both managed to grab some much needed sleep.  I was feeling better about where things stood with Donnie, but that call from his brother shook me up.  Maybe I should think about running.

 

When we get off Donnie’s bus, that thought leaves my brain as I look up to see Nick. Angry.  He’s leaning against a chain link fence talking with AJ but when his eyes meet mine, I know it’s gonna be bad.

 

He comes charging over to me. “Girl time with Hanna Jo, huh?”

 

I sigh. “Nick, please…”

 

From behind me, Donnie says, “Back off Carter. It’s not her fault.”

 

Nick shoves me out of the way. “I know it’s not her fault, you fucking prick! AJ explained exactly how you got them on your bus.”

 

I turn to Hanna Jo. She drops her head and whispers, “I’m sorry, it just came out.”  Leaning closer, she says, “I’m sorry Jess.”

 

I sigh. I can’t be mad at her. Hanna Jo is falling in love with AJ. It’s wrong of me to ask her to keep a secret like that from someone she trusts the way she trusts him. She throws her arms around me and I whisper, “It’s ok, Ho Jo. Just…you CAN’T tell him about Paul. You just can’t!”

 

She nods. “I won’t. I promise.”

 

I pull away from her and turn to try to stop Nick and Donnie from fighting.  I watch in horror as Nick draws his fist back and punches Donnie right in the jaw.  I rush forward and try to put myself between them, yelling, “Nick, stop it! STOP IT!”

 

Donnie grabs me this time and throws me to the side.  I trip and fall to the ground as he wrestles Nick to the ground. I sit up, my elbow and hands stinging from my impact with the asphalt, watching as AJ and a few security guards jump in and try to break up the melee.

 

I can’t take it anymore. I jump up and run.  From behind me I hear Hanna Jo scream, “JESSI STOP!” But I just keep going.

 

I hear footsteps running behind me.  Just as I make it to the edge of the parking lot Nick grabs me. “Whoa, where do you think you’re going?”

 

I struggle to get away. “Let me go Nick. Let me go!”

 

He holds onto my arms tightly, forcing me to look at him.  His lip is bleeding and his shirt is torn. “Jessi, I’m not letting you run from me.”

 

I sigh and stop struggling, my body going limp. “Please let me go Nick.”

 

He shakes his head, his grip on my arms loosening. “No.”  I look up. “I’m not mad at what you did, Jessi. I’m hurt because you didn’t confide in me and let me help. I had to find out what you’ve been through from AJ. I thought you trusted me.”

 

I turn away from him. “I do. I didn’t tell you because I don’t trust you. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to keep you safe. None of you are safe as long as I’m here.”

 

He puts his arm around my waist and pulls me back against his body. Burying his face in my hair, he whispers, “You’re not going off on your own. I’ll keep you safe, Jessi. But you HAVE to trust me and tell me everything.”

 

I lean against him. “Nick it’s too dangerous.”

 

He kisses my head and says, “Which is why you’re not running off on your own.” I turn and look up at him. He takes my hand and I wince. “What’s wrong?”  He lifts up my arm and sees the scrapes from my spill on the pavement. His face falls.  “I’m sorry you got hurt.”

 

I reach up and gently stroke his cheek, letting my thumb graze his lower lip. “Me too.”

 

He smiles. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up and talk. OK?”

 

I nod, letting him pull me against his body and lead me back across the parking lot.  As much as I want to run and keep them safe…a bigger part of me wants to stay and hide with him and let him keep ME safe.  And that scares me.