Project: nkotBSB

By Rachel

Copyright 2013

Chapter 36

This past week has been hell for me. It sucks being without my best friend, but I know that she doesn’t have a choice. She’s trying to keep all of us safe, including herself. Jessi is the strongest woman I know.  I don’t think I could do what she’s doing.

Things on tour are different. The two groups aren’t as friendly as they were in the beginning. It doesn’t help that Nick threatened to beat the crap out of Donnie at least five times. Nick is not himself.  When he’s on stage you wouldn’t know anything was wrong. Off stage was a different story. He was withdrawn and stays to himself. He’s barely talking to anyone, with the exception of me.

“Well, well, well. There’s sweet, innocent Hanna Jo. Are you taking over for your friend in Nick’s bed?” Donnie sneers as he and Jordan walk into catering.

I choose to ignore him and focus on my IPad. I’m doing some research to see if I can find where Jessi is hiding. So far, I’ve come up short. My computer skills seem to be lacking.

“What a frosty bitch! There’s no way she can be fulfilling AJ’s sexual needs.” Jordan laughs out loud. I try to disregard their comments, but they hurt.

“LEAVE HER ALONE.” Nick’s voice booms behind me. Jordan and Donnie bust out laughing.

“Ooh, protecting your new groupie. Isn’t that nice? Jessi leaves and you latch on to her best friend. How does AJ like you fucking his girl?” Donnie adds fuel to the fire.

“Fuck off, you son of a bitch….”

Jordan interrupts, “I bet they are having some kick ass threesomes. Can you imagine tapping that ass?”

“You want me to kick your ass, you slimy piece of shit.” Nick yells in Jordan’s face.

“Would all of you stop?” I say quietly. “If you can’t get along, stay away from each other. You’re a bunch of grown men acting like you’re on the playground. Just stop!” I grab my IPad and leave.

Once, I get on the bus I hear AJ on the phone. His conversation surprises me. I didn’t have a clue that he was feeling this way.  “She’s been spending all her time with Nick…No, I’m not jealous. I miss being with Hanna.  I don’t know if things are going to work between us.”

I don’t stay and listen to the rest of his conversation. I heard too much. Tears stain my eyes as I walk through the parking lot. I don’t know where I’m going, and I don’t even care.  My feelings are hurt and I know I won’t be able to face AJ later on. 

Walking into the venue, I bump into Nick. He looks at me. I’m sure I’m a hot mess, but I don’t even care. I just want to be left alone even though I have nowhere to go.

“Is everything okay?” Nick asks concerned. He means well, but I just want to be left alone.

I bite my lip and look at the ground. “Everything is just peachy.”

“You know you can talk to me.” Why is he being so nice?

“I know, Nick. I just need some time by myself.” My voice wavers as I make a run to the bathroom.

Once I’m inside, I lock myself in a stall. I think I’ll stay there for a while. It’s the only place I can have a few minutes to myself.  Tears pour down my face. How I wish Jessi was here. I don’t know if I can survive this tour without her. Everything is falling apart.

What am I going to do about AJ? I’m falling for him; wait, I’ve already fell. It pains me to think that he doesn’t want to be with me. Maybe it would be easier if I just cut my losses and leave. Jessi would understand, wouldn’t she? Nah, she would tell me to keep my ass on the tour and fight for my man. 

I open the stall and look in the mirror. I’m a mess. Splashing water on my face, I quickly make myself presentable. I don’t need anyone seeing me like this. When I feel calm enough I step into the hallway.

“Hanna, I need to talk to you now.” Nick looks happier than I have seen him in days. I wonder what’s up.

“Is everything okay, Nick?”  I don’t know what to think.

He pulls me into small closet; then shoves his phone into my hand. “Watch this!”

I hit play and watch the video. It’s a video of Jessi. She is telling Nick how sorry she is for leaving. It breaks my heart watching her apologize. None of this is her fault. She’s trying to protect us, all of us. When I hand Nick his phone, tears are running down his face.

“Nick, she’s okay. We’ll see her soon. I should have known she would have left some sort of message.” I say relieved. “You got to keep this a secret. You can’t show anyone. If you do, Jessi could be in even more trouble. Maybe you should delete it.”

He pulls me into a hug. We stay there for a while. “I know.  Thanks for everything. I’m sorry I pulled you away from AJ. I…I…I just needed someone to talk to. You’re the only one who understands.”

“You’re welcome. She’s my best friend. I know you’re smitten with her. It’s all going to work out.”  I reach up and give him a kiss on the check.

“What the fuck!!!” AJ yells. I didn’t even realize he opened the door.

“Alex, it’s not what you think.” I reply nervously.

“It’s exactly what I think. Was it your plan to use me to get closer to Nick?” AJ spits out with venom. I have never seen him like this. I’m not sure I like it.

I back away from AJ, bumping into Nick. I almost knock him over. “No. How can you think that?” I cry out.

“Let me see. Jessi gets the hell out of dodge and instantly you’re by his side. You sure move on fast. How’s Nick in bed?” Turning to Nick, he says, “Do you like being sloppy seconds? I’m sure Hanna is just using you, too.”

I step up to AJ. My hand connects with his face. “How dare you? I can’t believe you would think I would want anyone but you. Do I look like the type of girl that goes from guy to guy?” After I say my peace, I walk away. Maybe a girl like me isn’t meant to be with a guy like AJ.

“Hanna, wait up!!!” AJ yells.

“Leave me alone.” I scream back.

He catches up to me. He backs me against the wall and presses his lips hard against mine. I push AJ away. “Hanna, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m jealous.”

“Alex, jealousy doesn’t cut it. You have no right to treat me this way.” I try to remain strong. I want to just take AJ back to his bus and make love to him. “There’s nothing going on between me and Nick. I thought you knew me better than that. I guess I was wrong.  Maybe we need some time apart.”

“Where are you going to go?” He says forlornly. AJ can’t even look me in the eye.

“I’m not sure yet.” I whisper.

 “Please don’t leave the tour. Bunk with one of the guys. I’m sorry I was a jack ass.”

I nod my and start down the corridor toward the buses. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. Every couple fights, but we aren’t a couple yet. I could leave and not have to deal with my broken heart. I’ve had enough drama to last me a lifetime. Maybe this is why my parents shielded me from the real world.

“Hanna Jo wait up.”  Nick calls out. I stop and wait for him. “It’s my fault AJ’s acting like an asshole. I’m sorry that I’m causing a riff in your relationship.”

“Nick, it’s not your fault that he’s acting like a jealous fool. We aren’t in a relationship so you don’t have to worry about causing a riff between us.”  I sigh, realizing that things probably won’t work out with Alex.

“Look at me Hanna.” I lift my head slightly, “AJ wouldn’t be jealous if you didn’t mean something to him. You two have a good thing going. I’m sorry I’m ruining that. I just didn’t know how to process my feelings when Jessi left. Thank you for helping me. Now go talk to AJ.”

“I can’t. I told him we needed space. Can…would…umm….can I stay on your bus?”

Nick hesitates before answering. “I don’t think that’s a good idea?”

“Please Nick. I don’t feel comfortable asking anyone else, and I don’t want to leave the tour.” I whimper.

“Get your stuff. I’ll tell the bus driver to keep the door unlocked.”

“Thanks Nick.”

Why can’t things be easy? I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.  Confusion is all I’m feeling at the moment. I don’t know if I can do this on my own. I’m not strong enough. Why can’t Jessi be here?