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Project: nkotBSB

By Dottie

Copyright 2013

 

Chapter 37

 

Jessi

 

I’m lounging on the deck overlooking Cowan Creek. This has become my favorite part of this huge house.  The patio doors are open and the sound of the water is soothing. It’s still early enough in the day that it’s quiet. The sun is slowly rising.

 

I haven’t slept in days.  Not a good night’s rest anyway.  I sleep an hour or two then the nightmares wake me up.  Thad called.  The trial is over. Paul didn’t exactly walk. He’s on probation thanks to a plea bargain. He couldn’t get out of it completely because of the videos from my office.  His lawyers couldn’t play off what Paul made me do so they agreed to a plea agreement. 

 

After Paul signed it, Thad informed him, his lawyer and Mark that if ANYTHING ever happened to me, they would all be held accountable.  Thad thinks it’s truly over.  Me?  I don’t. I have a bad feeling it’s never going to be over.  Unless he’s in jail or I’m dead.

 

Being bored out of my mind I decide to check out Facebook and Twitter.  I know, I know, it’s against the rules, but fuck them all, I’m tired of playing by Thad’s fucking rules.  I do take the precaution of signing in under Hanna Jo’s screen name.  I may be bucking the system, but I know they are probably watching for me to surface.

 

Hanna’s Facebook page makes me cry.  She’s posted several pictures of herself with AJ, Nick, Brian and Howie.  She’s usually all over AJ.  In the earlier ones, she and Nick both look so sad and I know it’s because of me, but the last dozen or so they seem to be happier.  I smile through the tears. They are still ok.

 

After signing off, I log onto twitter.  Hanna Jo only follows a few people so her timeline is mostly announcements from the Backstreet Boys.  One of the last few catch my eye. “Official statement regarding TMZ posted on our website” followed by a link.  I click on it quickly and what I read makes me shake.

 

“As most of you have seen, there was an incident between Nick and Donnie Wahlberg at the airport in Singapore late last night before we boarded our flight to Australia.  The fight was the culmination of exhaustion and a lack of sleep.  The disagreement they had was over something personal and in no way has affected our excitement and eagerness to continue this tour.  Nick and Donnie are fine now, as you can see from the press photos after we landed in Melbourne.  We ask the fans to not believe everything you see on TMZ. There is no problem. There is no hatred.  There are just some tired men who desperately needed sleep.  Thanks for your continued support and we can’t wait to see all you fans down under!”

 

My heart pounds and my breathing is heavy. They’re here? Already?  I check the date on the calendar.  May 17.  I close my eyes. So close.  The people I love are so close and I can’t go to them. Or can I?

 

I quickly pull up a time zone map on the computer.  Since Thad saw fit to stay in the States and leave me with Wesley, I have to check the time before just texting him.  3:00 pm in the states. Good he’s still at work.  I run to my room and grab my phone.  Just as I’m starting to dial, I pause.  He said only in an emergency and then to text.  This isn’t an emergency.  But he said it was over.  Mostly.  A call will be ok, right?

 

I hesitate long enough to talk myself out of making the call.  I’ll wait till Wes gets up and have him call.  I go back out onto the deck and pull up TMZ’s website.  I can’t stop myself from watching the video.

 

Nick is walking with Hanna Jo and AJ.  They look so tired. I trace Nick’s face on the screen as the reporter yells to AJ, “Who’s your girl?”

 

AJ puts his arm around Hanna Jo and says, “What’s it to you?”

 

I can see she is uncomfortable with the spotlight being on her. Hell I would be, but for different reasons.  The reporter turns to Nick. “I thought you had a girl on tour. What happened to her?”

 

Before Nick can answer, Donnie pops up behind him and slaps him on the shoulder. Even a blind man could see the animosity.  “Yeah Nick, what happened to your groupie?”

 

Then all hell breaks loose.  Nick and Donnie are swinging punches.  AJ and the bodyguards are trying to pull them apart.  Danny gets in the reporters face and covers the camera but not before I see Nick with Donnie on the ground and his fist drawn back to hammer his face. 

 

I almost scream in frustration when it stops playing.  I quickly skim the articles, finding Donnie’s official statement that he posted on Twitter.

 

“Before everyone freaks out, Nick and I don’t hate each other. I was wrong in what I said.  Nick…had a friend on tour. A good friend. I made a pass and she shot me down.  I guess my ego took control of my mouth at the airport. I never should have said what I did about her. She’s a good woman and she really cares for Nick. I deserved what I got. To Nick and his friend, I want to apologize publicly. I didn’t mean what I said and I regret it. I hope you both can forgive me.”

 

I read it again. Seriously, he apologized?  Took all the blame?  Why? Is it because he meant it or just to cover his ass? Knowing the bastard the way I do, I’d say covering his ass.  I look at the pictures from the airport in Melbourne.  He and Nick do look chummy.  But I can see under the surface.  Nick is still pissed and Donnie looks like he’s chewing on a lemon. They HATE each other with a passion but they can’t let it show in front of the fans.

 

I study all the pictures. In one, Hanna Jo is between Nick and AJ.  AJ has his arms crossed, but Nick has HIS arm around Hanna Jo. She’s laughing up at him and he’s smiling down at her. What the fuck? Nick and Hanna?  No, can’t be. She wouldn’t…couldn’t…would she do that to me? Get back at me for leaving like I did?  I let the tears fall as I sob, “Oh Ho Jo, NO!”

 

When I finally hear Wesley moving around, I’ve got my bags packed. I’ve worked myself into a tizzy thinking Hanna Jo might be sleeping with Nick.  My head is telling me it didn’t happen. She’s much to in love with AJ, but my heart can only see them smiling at each other.  Damn them! Who needs them?

 

Wesley knocks on my door.  “Jessi, Thad’s on the phone for you.”

 

I stalk to the door and open it, snatching the phone and putting it to my ear. “I’m fucking DONE Thad. I’m tired of all this SHIT!  I’m tired of Wesley and tired of YOU! I want out. NOW!”

 

After a brief pause where I’m sure he’s picking his mouth up off the floor, he says, “I was calling to tell you I booked your flight to Melbourne. It’s over. You can go back to being you again. Minus the $500,000 we fronted you.”

 

I snarl, “Your fucking money is in the bank, I didn’t touch it!”

 

He gasps. “Jessi…what the fuck is wrong with you? I just told you it’s over. You can go back to your friends.”

 

I sit on the bed and let my shoulders slump. “They don’t need me Thad. It’s over.  Nick and Hanna Jo…they moved on. I…if it’s really over can Wes leave? Let me have some time here alone? I’ll pay for it out of my own money.”

 

I hear concern in his voice. “Jessi, you shouldn’t give up on your friends. Hanna Jo’s still been calling me. She’s worried. Go to them.”

 

I shake my head and whisper, “No. Thad, please…I just need to be alone now.”

 

He sighs. “Wes is flying out tonight.  The place is paid for through the end of the month. You don’t have to leave and you don’t have to pay for it. Jessi…for all the grief you’ve had to suffer…I’m really sorry.”

 

He can’t begin to know the feeling of loss my heart is drowning in right now. I sob quietly, “Goodbye Thad.”

 

Several hours later, I go down to find Wesley gone.  There’s a packet on the table. I open it to find new credit cards, a new ID, all in my real name. Jessica Todd is back. And once again…she’s all alone.