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Project: nkotBSB

By Rachel

Copyright 2014

 

Chapter 90

 

Hanna Jo

 

When I wake up, I want to close my eyes and go back to sleep. Everything is easier in my dreams. Nothing is wrong, in fact everything is perfect. I glance over at the clock; I slept for over two hours. As I am getting off the bed, I notice AJ is sitting on the chair in the corner. He’s staring at me, so I can’t avoid him.

 

“Alex.” I whisper.

 

“Hanna.” His voice is hoarse, like he has been crying.

 

We stare at each other, not knowing what to say. I feel horrible for the way I acted. I’m confused by everything. I think AJ feels the same way. It feels like the pregnancy is pushing us apart instead of bringing us together.

 

“Are you hungry? We haven’t eaten since breakfast.” AJ says as he gets up.

 

“Yes.” I reply, realizing I’m starving. “Can we stay in and order room service? I don’t feel like going out.”

 

“Why don’t I order and you go get a shower. What would you like to eat?”

 

I think for a moment before responding. “Surprise me.”

 

Once AJ leaves the room, I undress and head for the shower. The hot water cascades down my body. It washes the stress off my body, but it doesn’t change that AJ isn’t happy with me. I feel the tears mix in with the water beat against my face. When I’m all cried out, the water has turned lukewarm. I shut off the shower and quickly dry off. AJ walks in as I step out.

 

“Dinner is here.” He says while staring at my abdomen. I know what he’s thinking. In a few short months, it will be noticeable that we created a baby together.

 

“Thanks.” I say shyly. “I’ll be out in a few minutes. You can start without me.”

 

He leaves and I finish drying off. I put on a fresh set of clothes and meet him for dinner.

 

“I ordered your favorite.” He gives me a half smile.

 

“Thanks.” I sit down and start eating my fettuccine alfredo.        

 

“Han, we need to talk.”

 

I whisper, “I know.”

 

He puts his fork down. “I did something today that you might not like. I called your parents and had a talk with your mom.”

 

I feel myself cringing. Why would he call my parents and talk to them? “You did what?” I remark with a squeal.

 

“I’m tired of the way your parents treat you. You’re a grown woman and they treat you like you are five.” He starts to eat as I cringe at his admission.

 

“You’ve actually made things worse.”  I push my seat away from the table.

 

“Don’t you dare run away. Act like an adult and talk about the situation. You can’t fucking leave every time you don’t like what is going on.” AJ raises his voice. I’m so sick of everyone telling me how to live my life. First it is my parents, now it’s him.

 

“Stop telling me what to do!!” I scream. “You’re no better than my parents. No matter what I do it’s not right. You had no right to call my mother. I can’t believe you would be so stupid.”

 

AJ glares at me, and I give it right back to him. Unfortunately, or maybe it was fortunately, my stomach starts to growl. I sit back down at the table and start to eat my dinner. It’s eerily silent as we both focus on our meal. When dinner is over, I make my way to the balcony.

 

I throw a tissue into the garbage can and notice three packages of cigarettes. Why would AJ throw them all away? It dawns on me that he’s giving up smoking because of the baby. My heart aches because I’m such a fool. There is no reason I should be treating AJ the way I’m treating him. He didn’t do anything wrong.

 

Sitting down on a chair, I wrap my arms around my knees as I watch the waves crash onto the sand. I feel lost and insecure. For all the confidence I gained on the tour, I lost it in just a few days. Maybe it was all a farce. I was never strong to begin with. The tour made it easier to be bold. Now that it was just AJ and I, it seemed like things were falling apart. All because of me.

 

AJ walks out and hands me a slice of chocolate cake. “You need cake, Han. Cake makes everything better.” He gives me a slight smile. I feel the tears fall down my face.

 

“Thank you.” I say meekly. The cake is delicious. I feel myself start to relax, but I’m still scared about the pregnancy and everything that goes with it.

 

When I finish my cake, I set the plate on the table. AJ is watching me intently. I know he’s giving me a chance to speak first. I take a deep breath. I can do this. I am a strong and confident woman. AJ loves me, knowing that makes me realize that everything will work out. I have to put my faith in him.

 

“I see you got rid of all your cigarettes.”

 

“There’s no way my baby is going to be around all that secondhand smoke.”

 

I smile at his thoughtfulness. “You don’t have to quit. There are other options.”

 

“Hanna, it may seem like I don’t want this baby. I’m scared because it’s new to me. Like I said before our relationship is new. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else. I see a future for us. I see us with a family.” He scoots closer to me. “Things are just happening faster than I anticipated.”

 

“Yeah, I totally didn’t see this happening.” I admit.

 

“Me either. But here’s the thing. We can’t change the fact that we’re pregnant. All we can do is embrace it.” He presses a kiss to my cheek. “That doesn’t mean I’m not scared. I’ve never been pregnant.”

 

I look at AJ and start to giggle. I can’t control myself. “If you are pregnant, then we really have some problems.”

 

AJ pulls me onto his lap. “You know what I mean.” He laughs. “I’m glad to see you smiling. You have a beautiful smile.”

 

I blush at his comment. “Well, we can be scared together. Sure, I’ve taken care of my younger siblings, but having a baby inside me is another story.”

 

“My biggest fear is I’m going to screw up. I want to be the best dad I can be. What if I don’t measure up?”  He rests his chin on my shoulder.

 

“Alex, I feel the same way. How about we take it one day at a time? If either of us are unsure or having doubts, we talk about it.”

 

He wraps his arms around me. “I think that is a great idea. Can we talk about your parents?”

 

“Honestly, I’ve had enough stress today to last me a lifetime. Would you be upset if I asked you to wait until tomorrow? My heads aches and I’m tired. Let’s head to bed.”

 

“Tomorrow we are going to have that talk. Hanna, I want to know everything about your relationship with your parents. It’s important. I don’t ever want to see you treated that way by anyone. Just know that I will do anything in my power to protect you and our child.”

 

My heart swells with love. I don’t know if I could love anyone more than I loved AJ. “I love you, Alex McLean.”

 

“I love you more, Hanna Jo Rogers.”