Project: nkotBSB

By Dottie

Copyright 2014

Chapter 99

Jessi

After a lively breakfast on the balcony, Ho Jo and I prepare to go dress shopping. Much to the shock of Nick and AJ, Ho Jo and I decided to forego a fancy, formal affair and opt for a casual wedding on the beach.  While we’re out finding the perfect dresses, the guys are going to a local men’s shop for linen suits. 

Nick grabs me around the waist and lifts me off the floor.  “I need to talk to you.” He walks into our room and closes the door with a decisive click as he lets me slide to the floor.  “Jessi, are you sure you don’t want a big fancy wedding?”

I sigh and push away from him, walking over to the bed.  I sit down cross-legged and look up at him.  “Nick, I know we haven’t known each other very long, but I thought you figured out already…that’s not me.  I like things simple.”

He sits beside me.  “I did notice.  But I thought all women…”

I hold up a hand and cut him off.  “Since when did I become like ‘all women’ Nick?  I am anything BUT.  Look at me, I prosti…”

He stands up and mutters angrily, “Don’t you DARE say that, Jessi! You did not…”

My turn to jump up in anger.  “That’s exactly what I did Nick. You can sugar coat it with any kind of words you want, but I kept my job and my clients happy by taking off my clothes.  Maybe I didn’t have sex with them, but I felt dirty enough that…”

My voice trails off with a sob and I throw my hand over my mouth.  Nick sweeps me against his chest and holds me tightly. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”

I sob into his shirt.  I barely hear the door open and Hanna Jo asking worriedly, “What’s going on?”

I leave my face buried in his chest, embarrassed by my outburst.  He rubs my back and murmurs, “We’re ok, Hanna Jo.  Just a little pre-wedding melt down. Give us a minute.”

As she leaves and the door closes, Nick lays his head on top of mine.  “Jessi, how can I make you see you’re not what you think you are? What you did wasn’t so bad.  You did it to survive.”  I close my eyes, tears seeping from between my eyelids.  My body shudders as a new wave of sobs crashes in on me.  Nick’s arms tighten and he mutters, “Jessi, people do what they have to do every day.  It doesn’t make them bad.  It makes them survivors.” He clears his throat.  “Jessi, I want to tell you something…about my life. And I really hope you still want to marry me after I tell you.”

I step back, tilting my head up to look at him.  He smiles and bends down, kissing my lips softly.  When he straightens, he says, “Jessi, I’ve paid for sex.” I don’t know what to say.  My mouth just drops.  He lowers his eyes and his face turns blood red.  “Back when the group hit it big, our managers wanted to keep me looking innocent to keep the fans happy.  But that wasn’t working for me.  So, they set me up with a high-priced escort.”

My mouth drops. “What?”

He shakes his head.  “Let me finish.  It’s bad enough I did it, telling you about it is killing me.”  I close my mouth and he continues.  “At first it was just straight sex. Then one time she was crying about something when she got to the hotel where we were supposed to meet.  She tried to get into it, but I could tell the last thing she wanted was sex so I asked her what was wrong.  By then I think I had realized what I was doing was stupid.  I was old enough to be in a relationship so my time with her had been becoming less and less frequent.”

He pauses for a minute and we stare into each other’s eyes.  Finally, I ask softly, “Why was she crying?”

His frown deepens.  “Her mother was sick and the money she was making as an escort was paying the medical bills. She had just found out it was hopeless and her mother was going to die.”

I can’t stop myself from gasping.  “Oh my God.”

He turns away from me and sits on the bed.  “Jessi, my point is, the only reason she got mixed up with an escort service was to make a lot of money fast to pay her mother’s medical expenses.  She wasn’t a bad person.”  He looks up at me as I stand rooted to the same spot.  “You’re not a bad person either.  You did what you had to.  I don’t hold that against you.  None of us do.”

I slowly walk over to him and sit on his knee, wrapping my arm around his shoulder.  I lay my head against his and say, “You helped her, didn’t you?”

He shrugs.  “Why not? Somebody had to.”

I sigh deeply, kissing his cheek. “You’re a good man Nick Carter.”

He turns to look at me.  “Jessi, you’re a good woman.  You’ve got to believe that. Whatever happened is over and done with.  In a few days you’re going to be my wife.  All we have to do is look forward, no turning back.  Deal?”

I place my hand on his cheek and whisper, “Deal. I love you.”

His kiss is gentle and loving.  When we part, he whispers, “I love you too.  Now…do you feel better?”

I nod slowly.  “I think I do.  I just…Nick letting go of the past isn’t going to be easy for me.  Some days I’m going to struggle with it.  Coming to terms with it now is virtually impossible because of the trial.” I shiver as I whisper, “What if your fans…”

He cuts me off.  “Baby, stop right there.  I love my fans, but I live my life for me.  Music is always going to be a PART of my life…but you ARE my life.  You come first.  You have to believe that.”

I feel my eyes flood with tears.  “I do.” 

I barely raised my voice above a whisper, but his smile tells me he heard me.  “Just remember to say that this weekend, ok?”

I can’t help but smile.  “How did I get so lucky?”

He scoffs, “It wasn’t luck.  It’s fate.  Now, are you ready to plan our wedding?”

I nod firmly.  “I’m ready. I love you.”

He swoops in for a breath taking kiss.  As I’m gasping for air when we part, he mutters against my lips, “I love you too Jess.”