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Hash and Barm


Remus turned out to be quite good at cooking, having learned from Hope as a young boy. He whipped together some hash and barm cakes from leftovers he and Lyall had been eating during the week and put a heaping plate of it before Sirius as quick as possible. “Here you are, mate,” he said, “Eat up, you’ll feel better once you do. It sort of tuckers you out, having all your bones reshapen themselves like that, yeah?”

“I never dreamed how much so,” Sirius replied, diving into the food with an eager fork.

Remus finished making food for him and James as well and set himself down at the table, leaving some warming on the stove for Lyall when he woke up. “So did Bubo show you where I live, then?” he asked conversationally.

“Yeah,” James said with a nod, “She’s a good owl.”

“She is,” Remus agreed. “How’s your dad doing after the run-in with the Death Eaters? Dad heard about it at the Ministry when he went into work. It’s all they can talk about there. The aurors are looking into getting a warrant on Malfoy Manor to look for stuff to do with the Dark Arts.”

Sirius snorted, “They must be going mad purging the place,” he said. He grinned, “Damn I missed being able to put my two cents in!” He turned to James and said, “You and those bloody dog songs - what were you playing at with that?”

James grinned. “I still say Martha might’ve been a good companion for you, mate, if you hadn’t changed back.”

“Still might check into it sometime,” Sirius winked. “If she’s lovely enough.”

Remus looked up from the barm he was ripping. “I’m sorry, you don’t reckon you’re going to have another go at that insane idea?”

“Of course we are!” James and Sirius both said at once. Sirius grinned. “I want to see what I look like as a full deer or buck or elk or whatever the bloody hell I’m to be with my horns on.”

Remus shook his head.

“His horns are quite divine,” said Sirius. “Go on and show him, James.”

James tapped his nose with his wand, “Muture mangus animus!” he announced and - crack! - two horns had sprouted up out of his head.

Remus couldn’t help but look impressed as James put his arms up to balance them. “Aren’t they neat?” he asked, grinning. “I like them. I’m thinking of naming them.”

“Naming your horns?” Remus asked with a laugh, “Whyever for?”

“Dunno,” James said, “But I feel as though the left one might be named Oscar.”

There was a creak on the stairs and Remus looked about. “It’s my dad. Tell Oscar and whatever the other one’s name is to go away! Quick!”

“Muture mangus humanus!” James hissed. Crack! - The horns were gone.

“Philip,” whispered Sirius, “I think the other one’s named Philip.”

“Good morning!” said Lyall, stepping into the kitchen with a surprised look about, “And who might this be?” He looked at James and Sirius with curiosity. “Philip, did I hear you say?”

Sirius snickered.

Ignoring Sirius, Remus smiled, “Dad, these are my best mates, James Potter and Sirius Black.”

Lyall’s face lit up. “James Potter, yes - I know your father, Charlus. He works on the pattening commission at the Ministry… and he’s been working on that tonic - that hair tonic --”

“Sleekeazy,” muttered James in a tired sort of voice.

“Yes! That’s the one!” Lyall looked quite pleased, “I’m rather fond of your father!” he said, grinning, “Good man, he is.” He looked at Sirius, a bit more concerned. “I know your father as well.”

Sirius smiled brightly, “Bit less fond of him, I reckon?”

Lyall laughed uncomfortably.

“S’all right, I’m less fond of him than I am of Mr. Potter myself, no hard feelings.” Sirius’s eyes twinkled. “I’m rather proud to say I’m not a thing like him - all but officially disowned and I’m sure that’s just a matter of time.” He stuck a hand out to Lyall Lupin.

Lyall shook hands with Sirius, though it was obvious he was still a bit on the uncomfortable side.

“These are the mates I’ve been telling you about, dad,” Remus said, “They know about - about my, er, condition.”

“We call it Remus’s furry little problem,” James said, interrupting, nodding.

Lyall chuckled, “Well that is one way to refer to it,” he said.

Remus jumped up from his seat, “Here, dad, sit down, I made hash and barm.” He quickly scooped the food out onto a plate and set a large piece of barmcake on the side, sliding the platter to his father’s seat. Lyall sat down and happily took up his fork, grateful for the hot meal.




“I don’t think your dad liked me much,” Sirius said as they dawdled out by the white picket fence that bordered the Lupin’s yard. The three of them were leaning against the old tree and James had his hands shoved into his jeans pockets.

Remus shook his head, “Nawh, he like you alright mate, don’t read into things so much.”

James looked up at Remus with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s alright, mate,” Sirius said, “I understand why he wouldn’t. The Black family name doesn’t exactly come with a five star rating to non-Death Eaters.”

Remus said, “I guess, but you aren’t like them.”

“Thank Merlin,” James murmured with a smirk. He looked at the sun, nearly at high noon, and said, “We’d better get back to the house or else mum’s going to be dead with worry.”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” He turned to Remus, “Thanks mate.”

“No, thank you,” Remus said, and he pulled Sirius into a hug, which Sirius struggled to get back out of the moment he was caught up. Remus laughed and hugged harder and, unable to resist it, James jumped in, wrapping his arms around both of the other two from behind.

“Guys, c’mon,” Sirius groaned.

James laughed and so did Remus and after a moment, so did Sirius. “See you on the Express. In our compartment,” Sirius said as they all pulled away from the hug.

“See you,” Remus replied. He watched from the gate as the other two walked on down the lane. Sirius glanced back as they reached the crest of a hill and turned to walk backwards, waving as he went. Remus waved back.




It was a lot later than James intended it to be by the time they got back to the Potter’s. They disembarked from the Knight Bus with a wave to Ernie and ran as quickly as they could down the street into the cul-de-sac. They could see the Potter house before them. James glanced at the old watch ‘round his wrist, “Bloody hell, mum’s gonna kill us.”

They were just about to the yard when a pure white lynx cat jumped up from the brushes on the edge of the property, running into the house, disappearing right through the closed front door. “Whoa, what was that?” Sirius asked, slowing in his surprise.

“Dunno but I’m betting it was tattling on us,” James said and he ran a bit harder.

They’d just reached the porch steps when the front door swung open and Charlus came out, followed closely by Dora and a tall, dark-skinned wizard that James had never met whose sharp eyes and serious face made him instantly think auror.

“WHERE THE RUDDY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, JAMES CHARLUS POTTER?” Dora’s voice was loud and angry and James jerked to a halt before her, eyes wide, as she rushed down the stairs. He literally backed away in shock. “I’VE BEEN WORRIED SICK! THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKEN BY SOME DEATH EATERS! THOUGHT WE WOULD NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN! THOUGHT YOU WERE A GONER! NO NOTE! NOTHING! JUST GONE IN THE MORNING WHEN YOUR FATHER GOES TO TAKE SNUFFLES OUT! JUST GONE! WHAT AM I TO THINK OF IT? WHERE. HAVE. YOU. BEEN???!!”

James looked ‘round at Sirius. “I - I had to go for Sirius, mum,” he said, waving his palm at his mate. “It was… it was important.”

Dora looked surprised for a moment, spotting Sirius there for the first time, having overlooked him in her anger and relief. Her eyes flashed back to James, though. “What was it that was so bloody important that it couldn’t wait until after your father or I had gotten up to go with you?” she demanded. “And no note! Nothing - just gone!”

“It’s my fault, Mrs. Potter,” Sirius jumped in suddenly, stepping forward. Charlus and the other wizard both looked at him in surprise. “I wrote James an urgent letter, begging him to come and I - I told him not to bring anyone. I’m sorry. It’s my fault. James only was coming to help me get away from Mother and Father and --” Sirius took a deep breath, “I’m very sorry.’

Dora looked as though she was unsure what to say. Luckily, this kept her quiet enough for Charlus to suddenly ask, “Where’s Snuffles?”

James and Sirius looked at one another. They hadn’t really considered what to tell Charlus about the family dog that had suddenly gone missing. It hadn’t even occurred to them that they’d have to explain why the dog had disappeared. “I - uh - I think he might’ve found his family,” James made up. “When I was walking to the Knight bus, there was a - a uh, a little kid. Out on the main road and Snuffles… he, er, he belonged to the little kid. So he’s gone home.”

Charlus looked crestfallen. “Oh,” he said. “Yeah, yes of course, that makes sense…”

Dora snapped, “Are you seriously more upset about a stray dog than you are the idea that your son snuck out of the house at night to take the Knight bus clear across London to visit one of the darkest wizarding families there is --”

“I met him at, uh, the Leaky Cauldron,” Sirius said quickly, fabricating, “Like last time.”

She drew a deep breath, clearly frustrated with them both.

“At least they are safely home, Dora,” said the mysterious wizard on the stoop. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to secure the perimeter now that he’s home safely.”

“Thank you Kingsley,” nodded Charlus.

Kingsley bowed his head, then ducked ‘round James and Sirius and down the walk, waving his wand and sending bright white-blue light all about.

Dora still looked quite angry, but she said, “Get inside you lot, I’ll make lunch.” Sirius and James both scurried to get in through the door past her. “Don’t you think this means you’re out of trouble, either, Mr. Potter,” she called after James as he passed by. She turned to follow him in.

Charlus stood on the porch, hands on his hips, looking out over the now empty yard. He turned to go inside and something cracked on the porch floor beneath his foot. He paused and looked down to see a stick that he’d been playing with Snuffles with the day before and he bent down and picked it up. He looked it over and, with a sigh, he tossed it into the brushes in front of the house. “Dora,” he called as he stepped inside, “Perhaps we could talk about possibly getting our own dog now that Snuffles has gone…? I think it would be a good hobby for me!”




That night, Sirius and James lay in James’s bedroom, staring up at the ceiling. “Your mum is bloody scary when she’s peeved, ‘ey?” Sirius said, laughing, “Merlin’s beard.”

“Yeah, she’s all talk, though,” James replied. “I imagine your Mother’s much worse.”

“My mother doesn’t really get peeved so much as she lives in a perpetual state of disapproval,” Sirius said. He stuffed the extra pillow Mrs. Potter had given him up behind his head - just as he’d done the year before - and crossed his feet at the ankles.

James smiled sadly, “Yeah, she’s better than you mum, like I said. But it’s alright, because we can share her sort of if you like…” James was mumbling, already half asleep.

Sirius laughed and a grin crossed his lips. “Thanks, Ja--” he stopped mid-word, his eyes landing on the mirror on James’s night stand. “What the ruddy hell?” he murmured, leaning forward.

James opened one eye, saw the expression on Sirius’s face, and turned to look too.

In the reflection of the mirror, which showed his bedroom, Sirius could see a streak of light from the hallway, cutting across the floor as the door opened. It took a moment of waiting but then there he was - Kreacher - moving as stealth as possible through the darkness. “What is that thing doing in my room?” demanded Sirius.

James squinted at the mirror. “Dunno,” he said thickly.

Sirius reached for the mirror and peered through it, wide eyed, watching as the old house elf looked around the room, glancing back in nervous little tics at the crack of light the open door cast across the room. The elf was looking about, as though he were seeking out something very specific. Sirius’s palms grew clammy. What could he possibly be looking for? The elf was peering underneath the bed, under the desk… he pulled out drawers and even struggled to lift the mattress a little bit. Then he turned to the trunk that was waiting to go off to Hogwarts. He unlatched the leather straps keeping it shut and lifted the lid, peering inside.

A sudden, panicked thought ran through Sirius’s mind. “James,” he said quickly, kicking him to wake him up, “James, have you ever put your address in any of the letters you’ve written me by owl post?”

James yawned and rolled over, “I dunno mate, I doubt it as Bubo knew where he was going so he wouldn’t have needed it…” He stretched and smooshed his head against the pillow.

Sirius held his breath, watching as Kreacher dug through his things, watching as his school books and ties were tossed onto the carpet around the trunk, as his new robes from Madam Malkins hung over the edge of the steamer to wrinkle. Kreacher shuffled through a couple of his records and sniffed an old shoe with a wrinkled nose. Then he found them, the little bundle of string-bound letters. He clutched the stack, looking it over.

“Get your grubby little hands of those,” growled Sirius.

Kreacher squeaked and dropped the letters to the floor, looking around. He glanced to the left and right around him, a confused sort of expression on his face. Then he turned, very slowly, and his lamp like eyes searched the wall by the nightstand for a moment before they seemed to pause and then lock with Sirius’s through the mirror. Kreacher walked slowly across the room and lifted the mirror up, looking through it. “Master Sirius is seeing Kreacher?” he asked croakily.

“Yes, Kreature, and you’re not to put a hand on those letters again, that’s an order,” Sirius snapped.

“Where is Master Sirius?’ Kreacher asked, lifting the mirror up over his head to inspect the back of it, as though he expected it to somehow have extended to be the room Sirius was sitting in. He waved his hand behind it in confusion, then looked back into the mirror’s reflection again. “How is Master Sirius doing this? Dark magic is what this is… Kreacher’s mistress would be most interested…”

“I forbid you to speak of this mirror to anyone,” Sirius said hotly before Kreacher could get any ideas. “Or to show anyone. Or to - to let anyone know it exists in anyway at all.”

Kreacher looked perturbed. “Kreacher won’t,” he said frostily.

“Good. Now get out of my room, and stay out of it. And clean up my things from the floor and put them back in the trunk,” Sirius added.

“Kreacher will.” Kreacher put the mirror back down… but he purposely laid it face-up so that all that Sirius could now see was the ceiling. He moved across the room and, true to his command, he shoved Sirius’s things back into the trunk quickly and with no care to whether the robes wrinkled. The only thing he left out were the letters. He stared at them, “Kreacher cannot touch them with his hands,” he said throatily. He looked around the room and found a book and used the book to push the stack of letters with him out the door.