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Lily

Severus was standing outside the door to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom when Lily stepped out after helping Professor Tutman put away the instruments. She paused in the doorway and stared at him a long moment, then sighed and pushed her way by him into the hallway. She was still angry from the way he’d acted the other morning, when she’d walked over to the Slytherin table. He followed after her now, his robes swishing at his ankles, just a little too short for his height because they’d been bought second hand. The sound of the fabric’s movement annoyed Lily more than it should have. But then, most anything about Severus Snape would have annoyed her at that moment.

“Lily,” he begged, “Wait a minute… c’mon, Lilly… Talking to me is the least you could do.”

She stopped at the end of the corridor and turned around to face him quickly, making him stop suddenly in his tracks to keep from running right into her. “Sev, I don’t understand why you’re acting like you’re the one that’s been wronged,” she said.

“Because you’ve been ignoring me,” he replied, pouty, “For days.”

“Because you acted like a prat when I went over to see you!” she cried. “I was worried about you and you told me to go away, acted like we weren’t friends, like you were annoyed by me.” Lily shook her head. “That’s not fair, Sev.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and he really was. “Look, it’s hard, okay? I don’t expect you to understand it. Gryffindor is different than Slytherin is.”

“At least you aren’t all alone,” she said hotly. “I’m all by myself in Gryffindor, other than those stupid boys from the train. I tried to see you, my best friend, and you tell me off!”

“Because they don’t understand what we are, Lily,” Severus said under his breath. “None of the Slytherins get it.”

“Get what? What are we, Severus?” Lily demanded.

He felt his face flush and he hesitated. If she didn’t know… if she was asking him… He wondered if he was maybe imagining the entire thing altogether. Was he worrying about what everyone would think of him falling in love with a mudblood for nothing? Did she not feel the same way that he did, as though he had found his entire future? He looked at her with dark grey, nearly black, eyes. “Lily… aren’t we… aren’t we… you know… best friends?” he asked.

Lily took a deep breath, “Yes, we are. You know that.” She’d been afraid that he’d been about to suggest something more - something that she wasn’t sure about because it was something that she didn’t honestly feel.

“I just can’t explain that to the Slytherins,” he said.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because,” he hesitated, “Lily, look, the whole blood purity thing… I’ve tried to tell you about it, but… I don’t know; I don’t think I’ve explained it really well to you. Wizards are really funny about the blood status of the people around them, Lily. If someone doesn’t have pure blood they get real nutty about it. I told you my mum isn’t close to her family and it’s because she’s married a muggle.” Severus stared at her, imploring her to understand.

“What’s marrying a muggle got to do with it?” Lily asked.

“Well not married, obviously,” Severus said, feeling the heat rising in his neck. “Just, they notice things like that, like who others are hanging around with.”

“So you’re afraid of what people will say about you being friends with me because my parents are muggles?” she demanded. “Do you think I’m any worse off for being the daughter of a couple of muggles? Do you?”

Severus hesitated. The answer was yes, but he could tell by the way her tone of voice had been that what she wanted to hear was no. He didn’t know how to answer, torn between the truth and making her happy. He stared at her. “Lily, it’s hard. It’s not as easy as whether I think you’re worse off for it or not. I’m in a house where things like that matter – it’s not like that for Gryffindor. And it’s bad enough that I’m half-blood myself. They remind me every day that I’m not pure. Every day, Lily. They… they bully me about it.”

“So tell Dumbledore.”

“I can’t tell Dumbledore,” Severus said. “Don’t be ridiculous…”

“I’m not being ridiculous!” she cried. “I’m being reasonable! If they’re bullying you for your blood status –“

“Lily, it doesn’t work like that. You haven’t been a part of this world as long as I have, you don’t understand it!” Severus shouted angrily.

Lily’s fists were balled in frustration. “So what do you want to do then, Severus? If I’m not allowed to be your friend, then why are you even talking to me now?”

“You are my friend, Lily, I just – we need to be more… more discreet about it,” he answered.

Lily frowned. “So maybe we should only be friends back home, when you’re the good-for-nothing one, living down on Spinner’s End. Don’t forget, I stayed friends with you there, where everyone else thought you were no good. I didn’t give a damn about what they were saying!”

Severus looked hurt. “I – They were – Who said --?”

“Everybody,” Lily exaggerated. Really, it’d only been her sister and her friends who had said anything. Nobody else really knew much about Severus, other than Lily’s parents, who certainly had never said anything of the sort about him. Quite the opposite, Mrs. Evans had always been quite proud that Lily had befriended Severus and had sent along sandwiches and muggle treats in paper lunch sacks for Lily to share with ‘that poor boy from Sprinner’s End’.

Severus swallowed back a lump, realizing he was an outsider in both the magical and non-magical worlds for exactly opposite reasons, neither of which he could help. “Look, Lily, I don’t want to fight with you. I’m sorry I was horrible to you, and I’ll think of something to make it so we can be friends here, okay? I’m sorry. Also… there’s… there’s something I need to talk to you about,” he added. “Something that’s bothering me and you’re the only one that will understand.”

Lily raised one eyebrow.

“I’ve been having funny dreams again,” he said quietly. He had told Lily once before about the dreams he had at home and she’d been worried about him because some of them had been quite alarming in nature, dark and brutal. He took a deep breath. “And… okay, well the other day I dreamt I was playing Quidditch and there was a dragon that attacked and –“

“You’re telling me about a stupid dream when you’ve just basically called me rubbish because of my blood? Seriously?” Lily demanded hotly.

“You’re not rubbish, I didn’t say that,” Severus argued.

“You may as well have,” Lily snapped.

“No, I was telling you how the Slytherins think,” he argued, “Not how I think.”

“Well why were you sorted to Slytherin if you don’t think that way at least a smidge?” she demanded.

Severus didn’t know how to answer. “I don’t know,” he said. Then, more slowly, “Perhaps there are… exceptions.”

Lily frowned.

“I think I’m going crazy, Lily,” Severus said. “With the dreams. I can’t sleep. That’s why I looked so tuckered the other day when you came over. I hadn’t slept. It’s why I was late to the flying practice – the only time I can sleep peacefully is when there’s nobody else in the dorm with me.” He looked about to be sure they were alone, then he lowered his voice, “I think I can see other people’s minds when I’m sleeping, Lily.”

As angry as she was, this last statement drew her in. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“When I sleep,” Severus explained quietly, “I think somehow other people’s dreams are ending up in my head somehow. I had that dream about the quidditch match and the dragon and I found out that Dimitri Goyle had the exact same dream.”

Lily whispered, “Is mind reading a real thing in the wizarding world?”

Severus shrugged, “I’m not sure.”

“Maybe you ought to talk to Dumbledore about that, then,” she suggested.

Severus shook his head. “I don’t know. What if he thinks I’m looney?”

“Dumbledore doesn’t seem like the sort that would think that,” Lily answered.

“I want to figure it out on my own first,” he replied. “I thought you might’ve read something about it, but I guess not.”

Lily shook her head, “I’ll let you know if I see something, though, Sev.”

“Alright, thanks,” he said. He sighed, “Look, I’ve got detention, so I’d better go. I just wanted to see you.”

Lily nodded. “Okay.”

“See you,” he said.

“Yeah, see you.”

Lily watched as Severus turned and walked off down the corridor. She chewed her lower lip nervously until he had turned the bend at the far end of the hall and she rushed back down the other end, headed for the Gryffindor common room to do her homework.