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Releasing the Animagus Within


The weekend ended and Sirius skulked carefully about the castle, putting off his talk with Marlene as long as possible, afraid of how it would go. Peter told him repeatedly to put in a good word for him when he broke up with her. “Yeah, because, sorry Marlene, we’re through, but my friend Peter’s available, is a completely acceptable break up line,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with it,” Peter replied with a shrug.

“Besides everything?” Sirius said.

Getting to classes and meals with Sirius was like trying to avoid a bomb in a minefield, and Sirius took to using passageways through the castle to get everywhere, carrying the Marauder’s Map to every class and checking on Marlene’s location vigilantly.

“Why don’t you just talk to her and get it over with?” James asked, raising his eyebrows. “You’re going to see her at Care of Magical Creatures. And at Divination. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Yeah…” Sirius said, “But… what if she starts crying?”

“Then you pat her on the back and say something nice to cheer her up,” James replied.

“Like what?”

“Dunno… something like how good she smells or that her hair is nice,” he said, “Something like that.”

Peter nodded, “Girls like that stuff.”

Sirius didn’t know if that would really be the right response to a girl crying or not. “Girls are so bloody complicated,” he muttered.

“Good thing you’re taking a break from them, then, ey?” James asked pointedly.

Sirius’s face turned red and sped up his walking to get away before the other two could see how embarrassed the comment had made him. He could hear James snickering from behind him.

James, meanwhile, had his own stuff to think about. When he returned to the dormitory after the weekend it was to find a letter had been placed on his pillow. It was from Professor McGonagall, informing him that their first Animagus Lesson would be on Wednesday evening and to please meet her in her office at precisely 19h. James was excited, the prospect of getting to turn into a stag again was itching through him. He wanted more than anything to get back out on the grounds in the woods and have another go at getting a hug from Lily… He’d been dreaming of that night since it had happened, and periodically throughout the summer had tried once again to change to his animagus form, but still all he could do was the bloody antlers. He was ecstatic when he received the letter from McGonagall, glad that she’d remembered her promise to tutor him in the subject if he was truly interested in becoming an animagus.

By Wednesday evening, Sirius still hadn’t talked to Marlene McKinnon and Lily was getting anxious. She hadn’t yet had a chance to talk to Sirius, who expertly disappeared after every class, no matter how quickly she tried to catch him. It was driving her mad. She had to know - was Sirius breaking up with Marlene? And if he was, why? Who was it he was interested in? Was it what she hoped… He’d been so elusive, so vague. He’d used neutral pronouns, she kept telling herself.

She had to know.

Was it Remus?

She stood at the foot of the stairwell by the boys’ dormitories, laying in wait for Sirius to come down. When James descended the stairs, headed for McGonagall’s, Lily looked at him expectantly.

“What do you want, Evans?” he asked, reaching the bottom step.

“Where’s Sirius?”

“He’s upstairs doing homework.”

“I need to speak with him,” Lily said, “It’s important.”

“He’s busy.”

“He’s always busy.”

“He’s got a lot of classwork,” James replied, shrugging.

Lily shook her head, “He’s avoiding me.”

James said, “Well there’s nothing I can do about it, Evans.”

“You could go and get him for me,” she requested.

“Sorry, no can do, love. I’m running late. Excuse me.” He stepped around her, headed for the door of the dormitory.

“Running late? Where are you going at this hour?” Lily asked.

“Out,” James answered and he swung the portrait hole door open and winked at her as he climbed through to the corridor. “Later, Evans.”

James only just caught a glimpse of the curious expression she gave him, craning her neck as though to see which direction he went before the door closed behind him. He liked the way she’d inquired after him, and he walked with a bit of a strut to his step, smirking to himself as he made his way on down to Professor McGonagall’s office.

In all his pride, he’d forgotten to feel the apprehension about having a lesson alone with the head of house, and it didn’t really occur to him until he stood before the office itself. He stood awkwardly in the hallway, staring at the door. He hesitated, gathering himself together, then drew a deep breath and knocked.

“Come in, Mr. Potter,” McGonagall called, her accent clipping the words.

James pushed the door opened and stepped inside, holding his bookbag’s strap as he closed the door behind himself, “Evening, Professor…”

“Good evening,” she replied. She was grading papers from her second years, and was just finishing up. “Have a seat,” she instructed.

James nodded and slipped into the chair before her, pulling his bag onto his lap, looking around the room. Every time he’d been to McGonagall’s office, he’d marvelled at the sheer volume of books on her shelves. It was like a miniature library. Adorning the shelves, too, were little vases with intricate patterns and fancy pincushions and various other little artefacts…

That was when James noticed there was a tea cup on the third shelf that he recognized with a jolt. It was one of his, from first year - it had a blue and gold pattern that was very hard to miss. He distinctly remembered handing the cup in, one of the very first times they’d worked on transfiguring white mice. She’d saved that tea cup for all this time? He didn’t see any of the other Fourth Years’ tea cups - not even the pretty ivy-and-pink-floral pattern that was Lily’s signature pattern. He stared at the cup for a long moment, a funny feeling coming over him, and then he turned to look at McGonagall.

At some point, the Professor had looked up from her grading and was looking at James over her spectacles with an amused expression. “I’ve told you that you’ve shown promise for Transfiguration for sometime,” she said simply, and she turned, opening a drawer and pulled out a book, handing it over the desk to her. “You’ll be needing this.”

It was a brand new copy of Releasing the Animagus Within.

James choked back the laugh that threatened to bubble up, covering the awkward moment by adjusting his glasses, pretending he needed to fix them to see the book. “Releasing the Animagus Within,” he read the cover, then looked up at McGonagall with the straightest face he could possibly muster. “Sounds like a real page-turner.”

“I should hope so,” McGongall replied, “As it’s the essential text on the matter of becoming an animagus. Within that book’s pages are contained everything that you should ever need to know about the theory, process, and execution of becoming an animagus.”

“Brilliant,” James said.

McGonagall leaned back, pushing the drawer closed, “You’ll read chapter one over this weekend. In the reading, you’ll find a section helping to identify key personality traits that will assist you in getting to know the animagus within you. You are to spend some time alone this weekend, contemplating the points that they give you in the chapter, and really evaluate yourself and your personal habits, ambitions, and priorities. From the results of that time, you’ll compose a list of five to ten traits that define you, James, as a person. Next week, we will begin the formal lessons, using the list you create.”

James thought the list sounded rather pointless. After all, if it’s purpose was to help him to identify the creature he would become -- well, he already knew that, didn’t he? But he bit back the argument (after all, McGonagall didn’t know about Prongs) and nodded, “Yes, Professor.”

“Very good.” McGonagall said, “Then I shall see you next Wednesday at this same time.”

“Thank you, Professor.” James stood up, his eyes fleetingly moving to the teacup on the shelf, then back to McGonagall.

Her eyes flitted to the cup as well. She turned to him, a smile playing on her lips, “I look forward to seeing your best work, Mr. Potter.”

“I’ll be sure to bring it, Professor.” James winked and ducked out of the office.

McGonagall got up and went over to the bookshelf, lifting the teacup from the shelf and turning it over in palm with a sigh.




Lily was still waiting at the foot of the stairs when James got back. He had the book tucked under one arm as he climbed through the portrait hole and stopped short when he saw her sitting on the bottom step. He slid the book into his bag hurriedly before Lily could see it. “You’re still here, Evans?”

“I told you, I need to speak with Sirius,” she said tiredly. She was half asleep.

James smirked and walked over, sitting himself down beside her, “Would you like me to go and get him for you love?”

“I already told you that’s what I wanted, Potter,” Lily replied.

“If I go and get him, will you go out with me?” James asked, smirking and attempting to put his arm ‘round her shoulders the way Sirius did when he acted suave and cool.

Lily rolled her eyes. “No,” she answered, and she pushed James’s arm from her.

“Aw c’mon, love.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Evans.”

“Potter.”

James smiled and stood up, “Well, then, I’m very sorry, but I’ll have to see you in the morning. Good luck waiting on Sirius.” He turned to go up the stairs.

“Wait. Potter, wait.”

James paused and turned around, raising his eyebrows, “Yes?”

“For Remus.”

James asked, “For Remus, what?”

“I need to talk to Sirius, and I need you to help me make that happen. For Remus’s sake.”

James came back down the steps, glancing over his shoulder to be sure none of the other boys from any of the dorms were on the stairs. He looked around the common room quickly. They were alone. He sat beside her again. “What about Remus?”

Lily said, “I know you know. Remus told me about the kiss.”

“He told you. So you know he’s…” James lowered his voice, “Gay?”

“Yes.”

James nodded slowly.

Lily’s voice was tremulous, “James… is Sirius breaking up with Marlene?”

“I believe so,” James answered, “He says he is. When he gets the chance. He’s… afraid to.”

“Is it because… because of Remus?”

James felt his face twitch, despite his best attempts to keep a poker face.

Lily’s eyes widened, “It is, isn’t it? Oh my stars. It’s going to happen? It’s actually going to happen?” She covered her mouth with her hand.

“Shut it, don’t go getting all excited about it just yet,” James hissed. He looked up the stairs again, nervous, feeling as though he was breaking a confidence, but just so caught up in having an actual conversation with Lily Evans that it seemed impossible not to continue on. He whispered, “I don’t know for sure. Sirius and I… we haven’t talked about it much yet. I just… I know over the summer something happened and Sirius… I dunno, him and Rey got very close, and… and I think Sirius might have a bit of a crush on him.”

Lily bit her lip with excitement, holding back a squeal - but only just.

“No, shh, wait, listen. I told him not to do anything about it,” James said.

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, POTTER?” Lily demanded.

Because, Evans… Remus is… he’s Remus. I told Sirius that if he’s going to do anything… with Remus… that he needs to be sure. That it needs to be real. It can’t be an experiment or a fling… I told him he better be sure. And… I don’t know if he’s sure. Breaking up with Marlene might not mean that he’s actually doing anything with Rey. It may just be a… a side effect.”

“A side effect?”

“Yeah.”

Lily was antsy, she shuffled her feet and ran her palms over her knees. “Ohhh Potter, you have no idea. I want this for Remus. I want it so much for him. It’s been almost a year, you know.”

“A year?” James asked, surprised.

“Yes, since he told me. He told me on holiday last year. We went to the cinemas and then to Diagon Alley with Frank Longbottom and Ali Prewitt.”

“Why didn’t he tell any of us?” James said, confused.

“I think because you lot were all in a sort of odd place. Sirius was acting funnily because of the Slytherins and Remus was sort of… alone. That’s when he and I started talking a lot again. We were sort of there for each other during it.”

James nodded, “Blimey. A year.”

“I know.” Lily’s eyes twinkled. “You really think… that it could… that Sirius might…?”

“I don’t know, Evans.”

She sighed. “Gosh.” She stared hopefully up at the ceiling. “Could you imagine, loving someone for an entire year without them knowing or loving you back?”

James stared at her, at the shape of her nose from the side, the way the light played across her hair and eyes. His voice was flat with the irony as he said, “I would imagine it would ache quite a lot… somewhere in the region of one’s heart.”

“Remus really deserves this,” Lily said without looking at him.

Because she didn’t look, she didn’t see how he was looking at her, the way his chin tilted toward her with a slight tone of desperation, the way his eyes glistened, taking in every detail of her with the sort of awe that was all-consuming. In his eyes, there was a not a single flaw about her… His breath caught in his throat.

James was certain that he would’ve done positively anything that she asked of him at that moment.

“Don’t you think so?”

James could barely process the words. “Huh?” he barely choked the monosyllabic noise out.

Lily finally looked at him, and she blinked in surprise at the intensity of his stare. “Potter?”

“Evans?” he stammered, and the trance he was in broke.

“Don’t you think he deserves a chance? After all that waiting?”

“Definitely,” James said solemnly.