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Rubbish and Monsters


Sirius clutched the Marauder’s Map in his fists as he led the way through the castle. They snuck down the stairs - Remus not near as good as James was at avoiding the creaky steps so that they’d attracted the attention of Peeves the Poltergeist who had spun about over their heads, “Loony Loopy Lupin! Sneaky Snoopy Sirius! My favorite students! What Marauding Madness are we up to tonight?” He clutched his ankles and grinned at them.

“No good, as usual, Peeves,” Sirius replied, reaching the next landing and turning back to watch Remus’s slower progress.

“But do you solemnly swear it?” Peeves asked, a true creature of habit.

“Yes, Peeves, we solemnly swear we are up to no good.”

“Very well.” Peeves spun and spun some more and when Remus reached the landing, he cackled and blew a raspberry in his face, then zipped away up the stairs to get into no good himself, a successful mission, for within moments loud crashes were coming from down the corridor.

“Bloody poltergeist,” muttered Sirius.

Finally reaching the floor they were headed to, Sirius nodded for Remus to follow him. He tapped the Map to show Rey that Mrs. Norris was down a side corridor not far away and held one finger up over his lips to show they needed to be very quiet. Remus nodded and followed along as Sirius waved for them to go forward down the corridor to the grand staircase.

Sirius nodded for them to go down the stairs and Remus followed…

Soon they were in the dungeons, going the opposite way from the Potions classroom and (thankfully) Slytherin common room. When Sirius had dragged him down the dungeons stairs, Remus had gotten a sinking suspicion that they were going to seek revenge on Severus Snape (although he wasn’t even sure whether Severus had stayed at Hogwarts for the holiday or gone home - he hadn’t noticed whether he was in the Great Hall at dinner). He’d been ready to argue with Sirius and been trying to decide how to go about forcing him to go back to Gryffindor Tower, when they’d turned the opposite way.

Remus didn’t think he’d ever gone this way.

They passed cells - empty cells, grant, but eerie enough to make Remus inch closer to Sirius so that he nearly pressed into his back as they passed the barred doors into dismal little rooms…

...jingle bells… smells... Slytherins… Mopsus… suck my --

Remus peered into the cell that held the suit of armor, which leaned against the wall singing random words from Sirius’s song. “Figures of all the parts of the song it remembers in full, it’s got to be that line,” Remus said.

Sirius grinned.

“Are you locking me up in a dungeon cell? Is that what you’re doing?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius turned, walking backwards a few paces, grinning at Remus, “Would you like that?” He’s eyes flashed suggestively.

Remus felt his neck and cheeks go very hot. “You’d never --”

“I might.”

“Shut up.”

Sirius laughed and sang, “Chains, my baby’s got me locked up in chains…

Remus hit his shoulder and Sirius turned ‘round to walk properly, but he slowed so they were walking side-by-side and he grappled through the dark for Remus’s freehand - his right, as his left was holding up his lighted wand.

The reached the end of the corridor, which dead-ended in a door, and Sirius pulled it open. “After you, Moony-kins, but mind your step - don’t need you falling in.”

“Falling in?” Remus repeated, “Falling in to what?”

Sirius grinned.

Reluctantly, Remus ducked through and he found himself in the underground lagoon of the Black Lake, where Hagrid had steered them all way back on their very first night here at Hogwarts, the little boats bobbling, moored ‘round the edges of the water. Sirius grinned. No way would Filch and Mrs. Norris ever look down here for students out of bed, he thought. It was cold, but not as cold as if they’d gone outside.

“What exactly are we doing down here?” Remus asked, looking around, rubbing his arms against the cold.

“Ice skating of course,” Sirius answered.

“Ice skating.”

“Suuuure!” Sirius said, “It’ll be brilliant!”

Remus raised his eyebrow, “Sirius, that water’s not frozen.”

“We have wands.”

“You want to freeze the Black Lake so we can go ice skating.”

“Just this part of it.”

Remus laughed. “You’re mental.”

Sirius grinned, “Yes, but you already knew that and so now you’re stuck with me. Preexisting condition. You can’t return something that was already broke when you bought it.”

“You’re a bad deal is what you’re saying?”

“Sorry,” Sirius replied, laughing, “You’ve been sold a bit of rubbish.”

Remus’s voice was serious, “You aren’t rubbish. Don’t even say that as a joke.”

“Blimey, Moony, calm down.”

“I just don’t like it when you insult yourself, especially when you look like you might mean it more than you sound like you do like that.”

Sirius shrugged.

“I don’t really think you’re mental, either, just so you know. I think you’re brilliant.”

“Brilliant?” Sirius snort-laughed, “Alright Moony. Keep your knickers on.”

“I’m serious!”

“No you aren’t, I am.”

“Again with the bloody joke,” Remus sighed. He stared at Sirius a moment. “If you’re rubbish then I’m a monster and aren’t we a gormless pair?”

“You’re not a monster.”

“And you’re not rubbish.”

Sirius smiled. “Alright,” and he turned on his heel and drew his wand, running to the end of a long dock that jutted out past the boats and he laid down on the wood of it as Remus came up behind him and tapped the wand tip to the dark surface of the water, “Glacius,” he declared and the water silvered, white twists of ice spinning out across the surface from Sirius’s wand, the sound of it cracking and snapping as the water flash-froze in every direction.

Sirius held his wand there until a large enough chunk of the lake had frozen that they’d have some space to move about in and then he turned to look at Remus, a grin on his face.

“That was actually quite impressive,” Remus said, “Very good.”

Sirius bowed.

They sat at the edge of the little dock and gingerly stepped off onto the ice. Sirius’s boots did a bit better at keeping traction, but Remus’s slick school shoes were a bit more slippery so that Sirius had to keep catching him as they slid across the icy surface Sirius had created. Remus laughed as his legs split out from under him and he fell into Sirius so hard that they both went down to the ice in a heap. Sirius pulled him back up and they spun each other about in loops and Remus stood wobbily while Sirius literally slid in circles around him and laughed. Remus fell on his arse more times than he would ever care to admit, so that the bone beneath his skin ached by the time they were done, but every time Sirius pulled him back up.

When they were tired and flushed and overheated, despite the cold coming off the ice, they slid over to the edge of the lake and pulled themselves back up on the dock and lay there head-to-head, staring up at the ceiling. “That was a lot of fun,” Remus admitted, smiling.

“See? Adventures are good,” Sirius replied. “Much better than laying about reading that horrible book.”

“But we do still need to read it,” Remus said. “It’s important. You can’t do the paper without having done the reading.”

Sirius shrugged, “Sure I could.”

“No wonder your grades are abysmal.”

Sirius snickered. “I just haven’t the attention span for reading.”

“You barely have the attention span for a conversation,” agreed Remus, laughing.

“It’s true,” Sirius agreed.

“I could read it to you,” Remus suggested.

“Oh?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah, then all you’ve got to do is listen.”

“That’s not a bad idea, Moony.”

“We’ll give it a go.”

Sirius smiled.

They lay there for a good deal of time in silence, but it was the sort of silence that you feel as though you’re having a conversation… the sort that draws you closer and closer without ever having to speak at all.