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Master Sirius Ought to Know


Dear Padfoot & Moony,
How’s your holiday going? Anything exciting happen there since I’ve been gone? Mine’s been terrible. Had a row with Evans and turned her sister into a giraffe. I miss you lot. Write me back.
Prongs




Dear Prongs,
Sorry your holiday’s terrible. Ours has been alright. Mostly quiet, really. Sorry about the fight with Evans. Is everything alright? I hope her sister’s back to being a person by now… Did you get in a lot of trouble for it? We miss you also. Bring Ovaltine when you come back, if you could, Sirius doesn’t believe me that it’s delicious.
We do actually have some exciting news but we’ll tell you when you get back. See you soon. Moony




PROOOOOOOOOOOOOONGS!!!!!!!
MOONY MADE PEEVES HIT FILCH WITH A BROOM IT WAS BLOODY FANTASTIC YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN HIM RUNNING DOWN THE HALL LIKE A BLOODY MANIAC TRYING TO ESCAPE! I’VE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN ALL MY LIFE IT WAS PERFECT!!! YOU BETTER HAVE TAKEN A PHOTOGRAPH OF THE GIRAFFE WOMAN AS I’M BETTING IT WAS RUDDY AMAZING!!!! GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE SOON POTTER!!! MUCH MARAUDING AWAITS!!!!!!!
THERE ARE LOADS AND LOADS TO TELL YOU ABOUT PRONGSIE. YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS…… HINT: IT HOWLS AT FULL MOONS.
LOVE, PADFOOT!




“Oi, use a few capital letters why don’t you? He’s going to think you’re shouting at him,” Remus said, looking over Sirius’s shoulder at the parchment he was scribbling madly upon, sitting on the floor in the common room, at Remus’s feet.

Sirius said, “I am shouting it at him.”

Remus was reading over the message. “That’s a lot of exclamation points.”

“They mean I’m excited,” he said.

““And you can’t tell him about us like that! Hint, it howls at full moons - you bloody nincompoop.”

“Why not? It’s sort of a riddle. He’ll never get it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because James is thick as porridge when it comes to things like riddles,” Sirius said, “And about as observant as porridge to boot.”

“Also, you can’t say love to another boy besides me,” Remus complained, reaching over to etch out the word on Sirius’s parchment. “Git.”

Sirius grinned, “Are you jealous, then?”

“If you knew how many times I’ve been jealous over you because of James Potter --” Remus started.

Sirius laughed, “Because of James?”

“Oh yes,” Remus nodded.

Sirius’s eyes twinkled as he grinned and he dropped his quill on the coffee table and climbed up on the couch, right onto Remus’s lap, facing him, one arm bracing him up on either of Remus’s shoulders as he stared down into his eyes. “You think I’d take a specky git like James over my strong… handsome… brilliant-minded… witty… sarcastic... wonderful little werewolf?” Every word had drawn him closer until his lips had literally moved against Remus’s at the word werewolf.

Remus blinked up at him, his mouth having gone quite dry at the sudden closeness. A smirk played across his face, though, “He is pretty specky isn’t he?”

“The speckiest.”

Their noses bumped against one another.

“Do you really think I’m handsome?” Remus asked.

“Oh for sure.”

“Are you sure you know the definition of handsome?” he laughed.

“Mhm… it’s you,” and Sirius kissed Remus deeply, nipping at his lower lip. He pulled away, tugging the lip slightly with his teeth before he let go and whispered, “They’ve got your photograph in the dictionary and everything. Newt Scamander’s working on a new text, they say, called Incredibly Sexy Beasts and Where To Find Them and all it says inside is the coordinates to whatever spot you’re in. It’s a magical book, see, always shows where you are, 24:7. It’s brilliant, really. Instant classic. Dumbledore’s building a whole curriculum ‘round it.”

“Boring class, that’ll be,” Remus laughed.

Sirius kissed him again.

They went on like that for some time, saying mushy things to one another under their breaths and snogging off and on, as the fire started to die out in the hearth and their lips started getting a bit on the tired side. Finally, Sirius moved so he was no longer straddling Remus but instead laying across the couch, his head on Remus’s lap, feet up on the back of the cushions. He sighed tiredly and reached up a hand to stroke the hair out of Remus’s face.

“I don’t reckon I’ve ever been happier in my life, Moony. This has been a most brilliant holiday.”

Remus smiled, “Is it because of me that you’re happy?”

“No, it’s because of all the ruddy homework I got assigned,” Sirius replied, then he laughed and beeped Remus’s nose with the tip of his finger, “Of course it’s because of you, you idiot.”

Remus’s smile only grew. “Well, that’s good, I should hate to think I make you miserable or anything.”

“Oh the most miserablest.”

Remus laughed.

“You’re practically a ruddy dementor with how miserable you make me feel.”

“Luckily for you, I have a good deal of chocolate upstairs.”

Sirius laughed, “Everything’s about chocolate with you.”

“It’s a real healing technique!” he said, “I read it in the textbook for Defense.”

“Reading ahead again?” Sirius laughed.

“I’ve read the whole book once all the way through already,” Remus shrugged.

“What?” Sirius looked at him, incredulous, “Why in hell would you do that for?”

Remus blushed, “I’ve read them all once already.”

“So why are you trying to read them again? Wasn’t being bored the first time enough for you?”

Remus laughed, “Our textbooks are hardly boring.”

There was a crack in the dark behind the couch, the fire officially going dark in the hearth with a hissing of ashes. Sirius sat up and looked about as Remus turned in the cushions. There on the carpet before them, dirty and wobbly, was Kreacher, the Black family house elf.

Sirius stared at the elf. “What’re you doing here, you filthy thing?” he asked.

Kreacher stared back at Sirius a long moment. “Kreacher has come to see Master Sirius.”

“Well here I am, you’ve seen me, now get lost, elf.”

“Master Sirius’s friend is in trouble, Master Sirius ought to know.”

“My friend? In trouble? Who?” Sirius looked at Remus with worry, then back to Kreacher, “Are you threatening a wizard, elf?”

Kreacher stared up at Sirius. “Master Sirius thinks Kreacher is threatening a wizard, but Kreacher is only doing as he was told… only doing as he was told.”

“Told by who?” Sirius demanded. The elf stared at him defiantly. Sirius’s voice went most imperial suddenly and he said boldly, “I demand, as a member of the family of the house of Black ---”

But before Sirius could finish his demand, Kreacher quickly clicked his fingers and disappeared with a loud CRACK!

Both Remus and stared at the spot where the elf had just been, then glanced between one another. “Insane little blighter,” muttered Sirius, shaking his head, his voice still all funny and imperial sounding, as though he’d turned the tone on and now he’d forgotten to shut it down. “Mum’s really overdue in putting his head up on a plaque.”

“Excuse me?” Remus looked at Sirius, “Doing what to his head?”

Sirius laughed coldly, “Have I never told you about mum’s house elf collection?”

“...no…” Remus murmured.

“Whenever they get too old in her opinion, she beheads them and sticks them about her walls on little wood plaques. The house is littered with them.”

“Blimey,” whispered Remus. “That sounds cheerful.”

“Oh very,” Sirius nodded.

Remus turned back ‘round in his seat and stared at the fire for a long moment. Then he glanced at Sirius. “Do you always talk funny like that when you’re being of the Noble House of Black?” he tried to do an impression of Sirius’s imperial tone.

Sirius laughed heartily. “Sorry,” he said, trying to make his tone normal again, “Old habits, mate.”

Remus smirked, “I thought it was sort of… interesting, actually.”

“Oh?” Sirius grinned and he sat up on his knees and said in an imperial voice, “What about it do you think is interesting, Mr. Moony?”

“Oh is it Mr. Moony now?” Remus laughed.

“Only imperially,” Sirius replied, staring at Remus down his nose in a faux-haughty manner.

“Alright then, Mr. Padfoot,” Remus said, trying to do the imperial tone again, but his voice was just too kind to pull it off right.

Sirius smiled, “You’re terrible at being snobbish. You’re such a good guy that you can’t even fake being an arsehole, can you?”

Remus laughed, smiling widely and biting his lower lip, “I suppose not.”

Sirius sat down so he was on the arm of the couch and put his hands on his knees, looking Remus over. “I wonder what the hell Kreacher was really up to and what he was talking about,” he said, looking over at the spot where the filthy house elf had shown up. “I don’t like that he was here, bloody little creeper.”

“Who do you reckon told him to come?” Remus replied.

“Well, threatening me like that, I’d expect probably Father,” Sirius said.

“It was odd,” Remus said. “Wonder what he meant by Master Sirius’s friend is in trouble?”

“Who knows! Bloody elf never makes sense, always talking in the third person and being a weirdo. I hate that elf. He’s always hated me.” Sirius sighed. “He’s got some nerve apparating here in the middle of the night to say such rubbish to me, though.”

“Unless it wasn’t a threat,” Remus said, “Maybe it was a warning. I mean, it sounds like a warning.”

“A warning?” Sirius laughed, “That would imply that someone in my family gave a rat’s tail about me and my friends enough to give a warning. Well, that’ll be the day, won’t it? Consider our options here. Kreacher could only have been sent to us by three people -- Orion Black, my father, who’s tried to kill me now three times. Walburga Black, my mother, who uses the cruciatus curse upon me until I’m nearly mad. Or else Regulus Black, my good-for-nothing brother, who’s tortured you about the castle loads of times and is quickly becoming one of the most insufferable people I’ve ever encountered. Which of these fine options do you reckon might’ve wanted to warn us?”

“Point made,” Remus said, “Blimey your family’s terrible.”

“And just think, you end up with me and they could be your in-laws one day,” he laughed.

Remus shuddered.

Sirius said, “Enough to make you want to break up with me, is it? Knowing what sort of lot I come from? It’s enough to make everyone in the world doubt me.”

“I’ll never want to break up with you,” Remus replied. “Especially not because of your nasty family. They haven’t got a thing to do with you. The people that think that don’t really know you very well. They’re all mad. You’re nothing like them at all. Thank Merlin.”

Sirius said. “I could be, you know. It could be something genetic, buried deep down inside of me some place, where nobody can see it until it rears up and I go mad or something. I could be evil and just not know it yet… or worse, I could be evil deep down and just be faking being good until the time is right and I can go rejoin my master.” He let his voice go a bit imperial toward the end there for the effect of it.

Remus shook his head, “You’re not.”

“How do you know?” Sirius asked.

Remus replied, “Because no evil person could ever love the way that you do. And I don’t just mean in a Sexy Beasts and Where to Find Them sort of way, but I mean in the bloody passionate way that you love every one of us, the way you love James and Peter and Lily and me and everyone else you know. No evil person would stand up for some stupid little monster like me the way that you do. Anyone who believed for even a second that you might be anything but good… is a total idiot in my book.”

“Thanks, Moony.” Sirius said, his face twitching into a smile.