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The Divination Classroom


“Bloody hell when did you get so tall?”

“Watch out. That’s my ankle you’ve just trod on.”

“Owww.”

“Hey, careful where you stick that thing.”

“I can’t see the bloody thing to watch where I stick it...”

“Blimey! - UMPFH!”

“Our feet are showing.”

“Fuck the cloak!” Sirius ripped the cloak off the top of their heads, “We’re too big for it altogether.” He looked about at them. They hadn’t even gotten out of the dormitory yet and they were already encountering snags in the plan. He refused to make eye contact with Remus, knowing already exactly what he’d see if he did - an expectation to call it all off. But Sirius wasn’t about to call it off. He considered the cloak, and rubbed his chin. “Alright, this is simple enough. We need the cloak bigger, yeah? Engorgio.” He tapped it with his wand.

The cloak expanded.

“There we are. Bloody hell, we’re idiots. C’mon, let’s try this again,” he waved for the others to gather about and Remus unfolded the map, shaking it out. Their shoes still showed a bit but in the dark, as long as they kept out of the way of Filch and Mrs. Norris, then they’d be fine, ankles or no. “Lead the way, Moony,” Sirius commanded.

Remus held his wand low to the parchment, the tip only lighted just bright enough to see the little labelled dots roaming about. The common room was empty. “Coast’s clear. C’mon.” They inched their way out of the dormitory and down the stairs, headed for the portrait of the Fat Lady and along the corridor. Sirius’s hands on Remus’s shoulders, James and Peter lurking along close behind. Remus carefully directed them along the halls of the castle, to the stairs - down two flights, across the width of the castle, then back up into the spire as they reached the Divination tower.

“Check for Mopsus,” whispered Sirius.

“In his room,” Remus answered, pointing to the map to a chamber down the hall. The dot did not appear to be moving. “Asleep, perhaps.”

“Good. Maybe he won’t wake up. Like ever.”

“Sirius!” Remus hissed, “You can’t go wishing people dead, even Mopsus. How’d you like it if it turned out he was?”

“Make this whole problem go away, wouldn’t it?” Sirius asked. “Besides, don’t you wish Voldy dead everyday? Is it really terrible to wish an evil villain dead?”

“Bloody hell. Let’s not get into a whole ethics discussion. Not now.”

“For the record, you lot, that means no it’s not terrible, Sirius you’re right, and I, Remus John Lupin, am wrong for once in my sexy life.”

“Just go unlock the door already.”

“I’m going, I’m going...” Sirius murmured, grinning, and he ducked out from under the cloak, withdrawing the little knife that Remus and James had purchased over summer to get him free from Grimmauld Place, and he jammed it into the lock of the door, making quick work of picking it open. “Alright you lot. Let’s go.”

They stepped through the door into the dark classroom and looked around as they moved nearly silently down the levels of seats to the front of the room, where Mopsus always sat on the stool in the center of the room. Sirius moved past it to the desk, the others following. Remus went to inspect a bookshelf and Peter stared up at the collection of clocks that hung there on the wall.

Sirius pulled open drawer after drawer, but most of them were empty. One had a couple quills and some ink bottles, and another a couple of confiscated jokes from Zonkos - a rubber wand and a couple dungbombs. Sirius pocketed the dungbombs. There truly wasn’t anything in the desk.

“What’s back here?” James was over by the curtained doorway that Mopsus had come through that very first day.

“Dunno,” whispered Sirius, and he approached, using the rubber wand from the drawer to poke at the fabric. It waved merrily. “Let’s see.” He stepped forward, sweeping the cloth aside with the wand. James followed him. They found themselves in a small closet-sized room with even more clocks mounted positively everywhere, the ticking so close and enclosed that it felt as though they’d stepped into a beating heart. James covered his ears. “Bloody hell, the man’s a ruddy lunatic! Who needs this many clocks? And none of them telling the right time…” Sirius leaned close, reached out a hand, and adjusted the time of one of the clocks, spinning the hands about with his fingertip.

The moment he touched it three other clocks in the room started gonging loudly, as though yelling at him and Sirius jumped back from the clock, holding his hands up.

“I don’t reckon you’re supposed to do that,” James said, moving closer to Sirius. Suddenly, there was a very odd feeling, as though the clocks were somehow living beings, that they had souls, and they were watching them, and James shrunk into Sirius, who was staring about rather wide-eyed. “I think… and I never thought I’d ever have a reason to say these words in this sequence before, but… I think you’ve rather pissed off the clocks.”

“I think you’re right.”

James nodded toward the door, “We ought to go…”

“Yeah, probably.” Sirius and James inched toward the cloth doorway, about to go out when suddenly Remus and Peter came running in, though, knocking the other two over into the clocks. They hit the wall, and Sirius’s arm knocked two clocks askew - James’s back slammed one off the wall altogether, and the gonging of the other unhappy clocks was quite loud, echoing in the room. Peter let out a squeal and covered his ears.

Remus looked about like he was Chicken Little and the sky was falling.

James demanded, “Why in hell are you --” but Remus quickly clapped his hand over James’s mouth, cutting him off.

“The door,” he breathed, “There’s someone coming in. We came in here to hide.”

Sirius drew his wand, and, releasing James’s mouth, so did Remus, and Peter, and James patted his robes, trying to find his, and for a moment thought he might’ve forgot it back in the dorm, but then there it was tucked in his back pocket and he drew his, too. They stood, the four of them, shoulder to shoulder in a room full of angry sounding clocks, shivering. If it was Mopsus, he was sure to hear the clocks and come to investigate. Remus wished he’d taken the map in the room with him instead of leaving it laying on the desk.

They waited.

They couldn’t hear anything over the gonging of the clocks, no footsteps to give them warning, no words - only the clanging and ticking.

The curtain pulled back. “EXPELLIARMUS!” Sirius shouted the moment it had and a wand flew through the air into his hand.

Evans?” James said, shocked to see Lily’s ginger hair and green eyes in the pale moonlight. “What in hell are you doing here?”

“I’m in,” Lily whispered, “I’m in.”

James smacked his forehead.

“Are you spying on us?” Sirius demanded.

“I - yes, sort of. I overheard your plan and I - I can’t not help… I want to help. I dunno what we’re after but if you tell me… surely five heads are better than four.” Lily looked around, “What’s going on with the clocks?”

“Dunno,” James replied, “Quick, let us out, this noise is killing me!” They all poured back out of the little room. The clocks on the wall in the classroom were all clanging angrily, too.

Remus hurried to grab the Map. “Guys, we need to go. Now. Mopsus is on the move.”

“Alright guys - abandon the mission - death con five,” Sirius leaped for the cloak and kicked the drawers he’d opened all shut again.

“I knew this was a terrible idea,” Remus intoned, “If he’s any sort of criminal mastermind, he wouldn’t have left evidence laying about his classroom anyway.”

“A thought that would’ve been more helpfully posed this morning,” Sirius snapped.

“Would it have stopped you if I had?” Remus demanded.

“You should’ve mentioned it at least!”

“Well-I-did-say-it-was-a-bad-idea!” Remus said all in one breath.

James cleared his throat, “Oi, can the lovebirds please stop your bickering so we can get the bloody hell out of here?”

The cluster of fourth years hurried out from the classroom and down the corridor. “This way,” Remus said, and he waved them down a hall they seldom traversed. Mopsus was two levels down, but on the stairs, so they needed to find some place to hide that he wouldn’t look. Sirius jabbed his thumb at an empty classroom and they hurried inside, closing the door.

“Okay,” James said, grabbing the Map from Remus, taking control over the situation, “We wait for Mopsus to go in his classroom, he’ll inspect the clocks first, obviously, and while he’s busy getting them to stop clanging like that, we’ll snuck back down the stairs and -- oh bloody hell.”

“What?” Sirius and Lily both asked at exactly the same time.

“Filch is coming, too.”

“Of course he is!” Peter cried.

“Alright… alright…” James paced a moment, “Alright. Okay. So. Of the two… better to be caught by Filch. He’s responsible to Dumbledore. We might get detention but that’s probably the worst of it. Mopsus, though… well, bloody hell, who knows.”

Lily looked around, “What exactly is happening anyway?”

“It’s a long story,” Remus said.

“Tell me!” Lily insisted.

“Well, let’s see, once upon a time, a long time ago…” James started in hallowed voice before interrupting himself harshly, “THIS ISN’T THE TIME FOR A LONG STORY! We’ve got a bit of a situation here if you haven’t noticed!”

“Well if you’d just told me to begin with --”

“If you’d said you were in instead of spying on us and --”

OI --” Sirius broke in, “Now which lovebirds bickering is keeping us from getting the bloody hell out of here?”

“We are not lovebirds,” snapped Lily.

Ignoring her, Sirius grabbed the Map from James quickly, his eyes roving quickly over the markings. “Ferfuckssake.”

“What?” asked Peter, eyes wide, leaping on his tippy toes to try at having a look over Sirius’s shoulder.

Before Sirius could answer, though, the classroom door swung open.