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Forever


Lily Evans caught Sirius Black by the back of the robes. “Sit. Down.” Sirius stared dumbfounded at her as she pointed at the Gryffindor table bench. She was flushed with anger, her green eyes flickering anger. She looked at James, “Potter. See the first years back to the common room after dinner,” she commanded him. James nodded. “I’ll deal with you later,” she added, pointing into Sirius’s face.

Sirius blinked in surprise.

With that, she turned and ran after Remus, her red hair flying behind her as she went. He’d had a headstart but she caught up with him fairly quickly, on the third floor landing, where he’d paused because his knee was still throbbing and he was leaning against the bannister when she found him. Lily put her palm on his back, “Remus… I’m sorry.”

He shook his head.

“Talk to me,” she pleaded.

Remus felt as though if he opened his mouth, his heart might fall out and shatter on the floor at their feet… he simply couldn’t speak. He stared down at her mary-jane shoes.

“Rey…” she whispered gently, and she put her hand on his cheek and leaned forward so he was looking at her eyes instead of her shoes. “Hey… hey, don’t cry, sweetheart… Don’t cry.” She slipped her thumb across his tears. “My poor Remus.”

There was a far-off sound of the dinner ending, she could hear voices echoing up the stairwell. Sure as anything, they would be talking about what had happened, and it would only make it worse. Not to mention that Sirius himself was probably leading the cavalry up the stairs. She looked about, she needed to hide Remus… “Where’s that secret passageway from here? It lets out on this floor, doesn’t it?” she asked.

Remus nodded.

“Show me.”

Remus led the way along the corridor to the tapestry entrance of the trophy room passageway, Lily’s hand against his back, supportive, reminding him she was there with every step. They slipped into the dark of the tunnel and the tapestry slid shut behind them. Remus leaned against the wall in the dark, closing his eyes. It was Lily’s hand on his that led him through the dark - her wand that illuminated the way up to the little alcove, where the couch was and all the photos and notes covering the walls.

They sat side by side on the couch and she rubbed his back as he sat, bent forward and crying. “Shh,” she whispered. “Oh Remus, love, don’t you cry…” she reached for him and pulled him to her so that his face leaned against her chest. The softness of her reminded him of his mum and he closed his eyes again as Lily’s fingers stroked his cheek while she hugged him with her other arm and rocked slowly back and forth. “There, there.”

She’ll be a brilliant mum one day, Remus thought fleetingly. It’ll be a lucky child who gets to call her his mother.

Lily smoothed his hair.

“Why’s it always me that’s crying over something he’s said or done?” Remus whispered finally.

“Because you aren’t a git and you think about how others feel before you say and do things,” Lily answered, “You’ve a very empathetic soul.”

Remus muttered, “He should be crying about me once in awhile.”

“He has,” Lily said, “He does. He’s probably crying now, honestly. You know how sometimes Sirius does stuff and he realizes after he’s done it he shouldn’t have?”

Remus thought of the way he’d told him about telling Evan Rosier - before he’d done the idiot thing of standing on the bench - how he’d started I’ve done something stupid. He nodded.

“It’s no fun being on that side, either. He wrote me such a sad letter after your fight this summer, Rey. He was so distraught. My heart broke for him then the same way it’s breaking for you now.” She slipped a couple fingers beneath Remus’s chin and he looked up to her eyes. “But he does cry for you. Deep down you know that.”

“I do,” Remus nodded. He thought of the ring he’d given Sirius, wondered if Sirius was staring at it now, thinking just as Remus had told him to do…

“If you went to him right now, you’d see,” Lily suggested - ever campaigning for the two boys and their relationship. She smiled.

He wished he wasn’t so angry, he would go and he’d tell Sirius he stood by that promise he made with that ring, no matter what. But he needed to breathe a bit first, before he could. Remus closed his eyes and lowered his chin again. “Can I just stay here for now? Until it hurts less?”

Lily nodded, “Remus, I’ll stay with you as long as you need.”

So he wrapped his arms around her and she held him close.




Sirius sat on the stairs in the common room long after dark that night. James tried to talk him into coming up to the dormitory, but Sirius refused, afraid he’d fall asleep and Remus would come back and not wake him up. James had sat with him for awhile, but finally started falling asleep himself and Sirius sent him off to bed. Every time he, Sirius, started to fall asleep on the stairs, he’d slap his own face a bit with his palms trying to wake up, or he’d walk a couple laps around the room, anxious, his eyelids heavy but refusing to give up on Remus returning.

Every hour felt like forever.

It was after midnight.

He took the ring and spun it round his finger, muttering to himself, “He won’t give up on me. He won’t stop loving me. He promised he wouldn’t…” The ring felt so heavy on his hand, as though he were filled up with helium and without the ring there he might’ve just floated away…

It was one o’clock.

The house elves gave up and came and cleaned the common room despite there being somebody there. They kept glancing over at him nervously, but Sirius was staring without seeing, his mind far away, glazed-over eyes.

It was two o’clock.

Sirius was pacing. Back and forth… back and forth… quick turns at the end of a small space - maybe four or five feet of carpet being worn beneath his steps… His finger still spinning that ring…

Three o’clock chimed and he looked over at the clock on the mantel that had done the chiming and he fleetingly wondered if he broke it open if he’d find Mopsus’s ghost… if Mr. Sees All would be able to tell him where in the castle Remus Lupin was so that he could go to him.

Sirius. You idiot.

He turned and ran up the stairs to the dormitory, past James and Peter asleep in their beds, and he grabbed the map from its hiding place beneath Remus’s mattress and brought it back down to the common room to search the parchment for his name.

Lily and Remus were both asleep on the couch in the trophy room passageway when Sirius got there. She’d slumped a bit to one side so that she was half laying, her head on the armrest of the couch… and he was half laying, his head on her chest. Sirius stared at them, at the way his arms were about her and her fingers had fallen asleep stroking his hair… He didn’t want to disturb them. Instead, he sat in the chair and fell asleep there.




Lily woke up the next morning, disoriented by the darkness of the tunnel. She blinked into the dark, and looked down at Remus’s sleeping face and she smoothed his hair again, smiling sadly at him. She looked over… and noticed Sirius for the first time, slumped over in the chair, his legs all hanging over the arm of the thing. The smile got a little less sad. She reached for her wand from the floor beside the couch where it had fallen and aimed it at Sirius to shake him a little with a nudging spell. He opened his eyes and looked across the room at them, his eyes bloodshot with lack of sleep. He stared at her.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Hey,” he whispered back.

“When did you come?”

“After three.”

Lily’s fingers were still absently stroking Remus’s head, “Does he know you’re here?”

Sirius shook his head.

“Are you okay?”

“Like I matter,” muttered Sirius. “Is he okay?”

“He will be.”

“Is he angry with me?”

Lily nodded, “But he’ll forgive you.”

“He’s forever forgiving me,” whispered Sirius.

Lily mused, “Maybe you ought to do less things that require forgiving.”

“I try… it doesn’t usually work out that way… Trouble has a way of presenting itself to me and I have a horrible addiction to letting it have it’s way with me,” Sirius answered.

Lily laughed, “Yes, you do.” She looked down at Remus, then back to Sirius. “Any idea what time it is?”

“Rey’s got a watch there on his wrist, you tell me.”

She took his wrist and turned it gently to see the watch face. “Only five o’clock.”

Sirius rubbed his eyes.

“Here. C’mere. It’s time for you to be here for him instead of me,” Lily commanded.

“Wake him up?” Sirius asked, confused as he slid out of the chair and walked across the room.

Lily shook her head, “Not if we haven’t got to…” She leaned forward slowly, Remus leaning up with her, never stirring… she slid her palm between his face and her chest and gently lifted him away, slipping off the couch. She nodded to the place she’d just vacated. “In you go.”

Sirius sank into the space and she carefully lowered Remus back down. Sirius snaked his arms about the boy. He looked up at Lily, “Thank you,” he said, “For comforting him.”

Lily nodded, “Anything for Remus. He’d do anything for the rest of us, after all.” She smiled, “You have yourself a good one in him, Sirius Black.”

“I know,” Sirius said.

“You stop breaking his heart or I’ll have to hurt you,” Lily said.

Sirius half smiled, “Trust me, I hate myself for doing it.”

Lily nodded, “I know.”

“I don’t mean to be an impulsive arse,” Sirius apologized.

Lily laughed. “Alright. You hold him.. I’m going to go get ready… I’ll come get you before breakfast if you aren’t back yet.”

Sirius nodded. “Thanks.”

Lily snuck out of the alcove, leaving the two boys alone together.

Remus shifted, still sleeping… but he naturally gravitated toward the smell of Sirius, even in his sleep, and he snuggled up against Sirius bringing his arms up ‘round him and Sirius sighed in relief. Even more than the ring ‘round his finger, the feeling of Remus ‘round his body calmed his worries. Remus wouldn’t ever break that promise, he knew that now.

When Rey woke up almost a half an hour later, sat up and stared at Sirius, who stared right back. “Evans traded places with me about thirty minutes ago,” he explained.

“How’d you find us?”

“The Map, of course.”

“Of course,” Remus said.

Sirius took a deep breath. “Rey…”

“I know you didn’t mean to upset me.”

“I really didn’t. I screwed up.”

Remus sighed. “Yeah.”

“You still love me, though… yeah?” Sirius asked, hopeful.

Remus answered, “Forever, Sirius.”

“I love you, too.”

“I heard,” Remus answered, “The whole school heard.”

Sirius burned red, then, teasingly, “How come you don’t do romantic things like stand on the house table and yell your love for me?”

“Because I’m terribly unoriginal.”

Sirius laughed, “Well, you could do it at breakfast.”

“Then I’d just be copying you and that’s not very romantic either,” Remus pointed out.

“Yeah…” Sirius laughed.

Remus took a deep breath. He stared at Sirius. “I reckon we should go back to the common room, since we’re both up.”

“Alright.”

They were in the corridor, headed up the stairs from the sixth floor when Remus reached over and took Sirius by the shoulders, pulling him into his side. Sirius looked up at him. “What?” Remus said, “They all know, so we might as well give them the public displays of affection they’re all waiting for.”

Sirius grinned and snaked his arm about his Moony’s waist. “Can we make out in the courtyard sometime then?”

“I suppose so,” Remus said.

“And… and snog under the tree, by the lake?”

“You want to give the Giant Squid a show, too then?”

“Oh! What about in that motorcar in the Muggle Artefacts Museum?”

“Will they let you anywhere near that, after what happened with the motorbike?”

“Dunno. Probably not. How about in the entrance hall? In the library? Down by the restricted section perhaps? Or the owlery?”

“Why do you want to snog surrounded by bird poo?”

Sirius laughed, “Remus, I wanna snog you everywhere.”

“But surrounded by bird poo?”

“Everywhere.”

“You’re so ridiculous,” Remus said. “Give me back that ring, I want a quitsies.”

“Never,” Sirius said, “You’re stuck putting up with me, Moony… forever… and ever… and ever… and ever…”

“Bloody hell,” Remus murmured as Sirius continued on saying it, but he rather liked the idea of having his Padfoot forever.