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You Won’t Lose Me


James collapsed as though he’d been cut at the knees.

And it was Lily Evans who held him up.

She wrapped her arms around him to help her hold up his weight as he fell and she teetered him back gently ‘til he was sitting on a rock, staring ahead numbly. Lily brushed his hair off his forehead and knelt before him, holding his hands together in hers. “James, I’m so sorry,” she said lowly, “I know she meant a great deal to you… even after you broke up, she did.”

James stared ahead without saying a word. Even Lily Evans’s touch couldn’t be felt through the fog that had filled him up.

Beside them, Sirius stood hugging his brother as Regulus’s cries continued echoing about the chamber. The water was beginning to ripple… he could see it, as though somewhere far, far below the surface an unseen boiling was beginning… a slow simmer… And Sirius squinted around the darkness and he shook his head and he said, “We need to go. I’ve got a really bad feeling just now.”

“A bad feeling?” Lily looked over, “Sirius, of course you’ve a bad feeling. We’re in a horrid cave and we’ve just learnt one of our mates is ---” she stopped, the word dead seemed harsh, though that’s what Maryrose was, she still felt like it wasn’t appropriate to say.

Sirius shook his head, “It’s different than that. We need to go. Now.” He could feel his senses tingling, like the vibration of a bell. He took Regulus and started to turn him toward the door through which they’d come.

“No!” Regulus cried, “No, we can’t leave her here!” He pulled away, running for the water,and Sirius leaped at him, his arms catching ‘round Regulus, only just before he ran into the water. “I can’t leave her body here! I can’t! We have to pull her out! We have to take her with us!” he begged, trying to tear off from Sirius, but Sirius held him fast.

“Don’t be mad!” Sirius cried.

“I’m not mad! But I’m saving her!” Regulus cried and he grappled against Sirius, finally slipping between his hands, and rushed toward the water, drawing his wand as he went.

“Reg, you can’t,” Sirius said and he reached for Regulus’s wand and Regulus turned on him, leveling the and right into Sirius’s face. Sirius held his palms up in surrender and stared at his brother. Regulus lowered the wand and turned back to the water. Sirius grabbed him by the back of the sweater and pulled him back, “Regulus. She’s not there, that’s not Maryrose. It’s a corpse. Maryrose is gone.”

James cleared his throat, “Reg’s right, Padfoot. We can’t just leave her.”

Lily looked up at him, “You didn’t see it. It’s not her, James, it’s an inferius.”

“An inferius is a dead body reanimated,” James said, his voice determined, “Reanimated or not, it’s still Maryrose’s body. We owe her a proper resting place. She can’t rest here. Look at this place! It’s horrible! I wouldn’t want to be left here.”

Lily looked at Sirius, fear in her eyes.

“Prongs…”

“Sirius, she deserves better!” James said passionately, his voice shaking with the emotion of it. He stood up and Lily nervously followed as he walked over the water and he stood there beside Regulus a moment, his eyes on the quietly rippling water and he aimed his wand. “Accio Maryrose,” he said.

At first, it didn’t seem to be doing anything; the water’s surface didn’t change at all. They stood there, waiting, and Lily reached out a hand and wrapped it ‘round James’s to comfort him… Regulus’s shoulders fell… and Sirius let out a breath of relief after a moment of holding it, afraid of what might come out of the water. He reached over and took James’s shoulder.

“You tried. Now we leave.”

James twitched away. “No. No we don’t leave without her. Accio Maryrose!”

And then the water was vibrating and there was a faint glow far at the bottom and James waited. The glow slowly seemed to grow brighter rising through the water, yellow-green from the algae and water weeds. The closer it came, the more tense they got until the anxiety was so thick that it felt quite tangible in the air amongst them. Lily looked to Sirius whose face was twitching with nervousness, raising his wand, preparing for whatever was to come. Lily discreetly did the same and they waited. The light was larger, brighter, closer every second… and then close enough they could see her, close enough that her form seemed to be flying up through the endless watery grave and James said, “C’mon, Maryrose… C’mon.”

And then she was out of the water and her body hung there in midair before them and Regulus stiffened in Sirius’s arms as James pulled away from Lily’s grasp. The inferius struggled against the magic that held her there, stretching, reaching for them, trying to grab at them and drag them into the water.

Regulus’s face pressed against Sirius’s chest, hiding his eyes. He felt like such a child, afraid of the scary thing, and Sirius’s arms about him were warm and strong. He hated that Maryrose was seeing him like this -- but then again, Maryrose was not.

Just the inferius was.

James waved his wand, “Immobulus,” he said and she went suddenly quite still as she hung there and he stepped forward, teetering on the edge of the rocks, as his magic lowered her toward him. He reached up with one hand and gently closed her eyes and pulled her into his arms, cradling her against his torso. Her body hung there across him, limp and still, and James turned, carrying her toward the door of the chamber. “Now we can go,” he said, his tone sad, her weight born against his chest, soaking wet and heavier than she was in life.

Sirius nodded and took a step away from the shore, his feet slipping over the stones. He pulled Regulus along with him, and Lily stared after James, a sinking, heart broken feeling welling up inside of her. Not for herself, but for Maryrose - for James, and Regulus. For all the people whose lives would never be the same.

James carried her out of the cave, limping slightly from having twisted his ankle in the small cavern where he’d left his one trainer, his wand clutched in one fist before them, lighting the way along the narrow walkway, following after Sirius and Regulus, who led the way.

They were nearly out when the inferius that had chased Regulus into the chamber pulled itself back out of the water… dragging its limbs onto the stone. James looked over his shoulder and saw it coming from behind them and he shouted, “We’ve got company, you lot! Hurry!” He ran forward, clutching Maryrose tighter, refusing to let her go again, whatever this thing might do. And in his panic it took him a moment to recognize the form of the creature chasing them, to recognize the distorted, bloated features.

But it took Regulus and Sirius no time at all, of course. But a glance.

And even Lily gave a gasp as she realized it was Orion Black.

Sirius’s instant reaction was to cover Regulus’s eyes with his palm, pulling his head against his shoulder as he himself stared, wide eyed. “Ferfuckssakes,” Sirius hissed and he turned his body to shield Regulus the best he could... shoving his brother along the path toward the mouth of the cave. “Don’t look, Reg, don’t look,” he urged, “Don’t look.”

Regulus trembled, only too happy to allow Sirius to protect him from seeing anymore of it than he already had. How had he forgotten in all the dreams that after Maryrose there came Orion Black? How could he have forgotten? The anguish over Maryrose had made his brain stop functioning properly, it seemed. He should’ve remembered - should’ve warned them...

Incendio!” Lily shouted, and fire blazed from her wand at the inferi and it hissed and James backed away from the light as the flames shot over his shoulder and she ducked beneath Maryrose’s hanging legs and stood between Orion Black and James Potter and she waved her wand like a great lasso. “Incendio!” she cried again, lashes of fire striking the inferius over and over as she backed along.

“Evans, c’mon,” James snapped.

“Go, I’ll catch you up.”

“Bleeding hell, are you mental? I’m not leaving you for even a second Evans. That’s how we got into this mess, last time I left a girl at a place like this. COME. NOW.” James’s voice was stern.

“Potter. I’m not going to run off. I’m keeping it at bay. You need to get Maryrose up over those stones at the mouth of the cave. You need to get Regulus and Sirius up them. You lot will pull me up when I get over there! But you need time to get her up there. She’s got to be heavy.” Lily yelled, waving the fiery jet of light from her wand at the inferius with a wild sort of determination. “Go. I’ll catch you up.”

James shook his head. “Evans --”

“Potter!”

He stood there staring at her, his heart in his throat, carrying the weight of the death that had been caused by his last mistake. “Evans, please, just … just stay with me.”

“I’m coming. I’ll be right there.”

“I can’t lose you, too.”

She looked at him over her shoulder, and her green eyes were bright, “James. You won’t lose me.”

James’s nose flared in fear… but he knew he didn’t have time, and she was right, getting Maryrose’s body over that rock at the mouth of the cave would take a moment and she was doing much better at fending that thing off than he would do and Sirius was already there at the mouth of the cave, pushing Regulus up and out of the cave, looking back. “Evans! Potter! Get your bleedin’ arses down here!”

James turned and he sprinted down the walkway as Sirius pulled himself up the rock and when he got there he heaved Maryrose up onto the stone, an offering and Sirius and Regulus moved her out of the way and Sirius held out his palm for James, but James shook his head and turned back for Lily. “EVANS!” he yelled.

She looked over her shoulder, saw he was there, that Maryrose was up and Lily dropped the spell and ran, followed by the inferius. James was waiting with his fingers already laced together to form a step for her and she sprang right into his waiting hands, Sirius and Regulus grabbing onto her shoulders and she scrambled up the stone and James turned, grabbing onto the rock and hoisting himself as best he could, Sirius leaning over and grabbing onto the back of James’s jumper and yanking him up… just as the inferius reached the mouth of the cave and reached for James’s leg…

Incendio!” Lily cried and her spell hit him in the face and he fell backwards, stumbling to the very edge of the black water, and he fell in, tipping backwards and disappearing beneath the surface as James scrambled the last bit of the way up.

Sirius shouted, “Kreacher! Come get us the fuck out of here!”