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The Secret


Sirius leaned close to the table, his eyes down. Slughorn honked a snore at the front of the room. “Prongs,” Sirius breathed, “The fuck time is it?”

“Nearly half past five - you lot getting out in time for dinner or what?” James replied. His face reflected up at Sirius from the mirror that lay on the wooden desktop.

“Ol’ Sluggy’s snoring loud as a bleedin’ erumpent,” Sirius hissed.

James laughed.

Across the room, Severus Snape was distracted, scribbling notes frantically in the margins of his Potions book - the only text they were supposed to have in the room. Some of the notes he was scribbling didn’t even have a thing to do with Potions class. His eyes kept glancing over at Sirius, sifting briefly through his mind, but the processes of his thoughts were so disorganized and random, it was hard to understand. Sirius’s brain worked different than Severus’s in that Sirius thought in a way that felt a bit like a ping pong match - his consciousness bouncing off different ideas in no particular order, always flickering about from thing to thing to thing to thing, never dwelling on one thought long enough for Severus to pick up the meaning for it. Flashes of images would flood Severus, too quick to focus upon properly, and he felt dizzied by the whirlwind of it when he peeked at Sirius’s head.

He wondered if that strange thinking style was the result of the werewolf venom that resided in Sirius’s veins?

Sirius laid his head down and his nose pressed against the glass. On James’s end, he looked like a pig and James snorted at the sight of it. “Get me out of this bleeding dungeon,” Sirius groaned. “I can’t take it anymore. I’ve spent more hours in this dungeon than I have anywhere else in this castle this week.”

“Well, stop fighting with Snape in class and maybe you’ll stop getting detention,” James suggested sarcastically, then he laughed in dirision.

It was nearly mid February - it’d been a week since Gideon and Fabian Prewett had brought James on the search for the cave in which they’d found Maryrose Jenkins’s body. It had gone by quickly. And also slowly. Severus and Sirius had served their detention for their first fight in Slughorn’s class and managed to fight at the detention for fighting and Slughorn, angry at the idea that they couldn’t seem to get along, decided to force them to get along and this had resulted in rearranging of the partners. Instead of leaving Sirius and James paired up when James returned to class, Slughorn left Sirius and Severus together and moved Lily Evans to James’s table, and they’d spent the last two Potions classes in quite an interesting state indeed. Although Lily and James bantered through the entire class, arguing, though not in a nasty way as Severus and Sirius were doing at their table. They’d ended up with two further detentions for fighting - including one fight that had descended so low as to end with Sirius flipping the cauldron right off the table in his rush to challenge Snape to “COME AT ME SNIVELLUS! GIVE IT YOUR BEST BLOODY SHOT!!!” at the top of his voice, as he puffed up like a great exotic bird of some sort. He’d also attended his remedial potions tutoring session with Lily on Wednesday. So Sirius was only slightly exaggerating when he said he’d spent more time in the Potions classroom than anywhere else in the castle that week.

James smirked at his mirror as Sirius dramatically whined, “I can’t stand it any longer,” in a droning voice, “I must escape this prison!”

“Whatever would you do if you didn’t have this mirror?” James asked.

“I’d be mad,” Sirius answered, “Mad with boredom and --”

“You aren’t supposed to be talking over there,” Severus hissed from his seat.

Sirius looked over his shoulder, “And you aren’t supposed to smell like rancid cauliflower; neither of us is perfect, I s’pose.”

James snorted, “What’s Snivellus snivelling about now?”

“Apparently talking is a crime,” Sirius replied.

“You’re in detention,” Severus said lowly. “You aren’t supposed to --”

“Oh is that why we’re here? Blimey and here I thought we were both just here for the fun of the company! Snivellus, you’ve broken my heart.”

Severus grit his teeth. “When Slughorn wakes up, I’m telling him what you’ve done.”

Sirius rolled his eyes to the mirror and James chuckled. Sirius glanced back over his shoulder again at Severus, “Go for it. I dare you.”

“Do you double dog dare me?” Severus asked darkly.

Sirius hesitated, staring at Severus a long moment, trying to decide how to handle the question, and finally he simply made a rude gesture and turned back to James in the mirror. “Bleedin’ hell, he’s obnoxious as a horny cornish pixie…” and he motioned with his hand like a pixie trying to hump his ear.

James choked on the mouthful of pumpkin juice he’d just attempted to swallow.

In the dormitory, where James was laying, talking to Sirius, the door opened and Peter and Remus spilled in, their faces red from the cold outside and carrying bags from Hogsmeade. Remus was wrapped in several sweaters - three, to be exact - as well as Sirius’s leather jacket and ridiculously long Gryffindor scarf. Peter was carrying a great horn of candied pecans and his mouth was rimmed with chocolate and marshmallow, his pudgy little face alight with excitement. “Prongs, wait ‘til you see all the sweets!” he exclaimed, “Honeydukes had new sweets!”

James looked down at the mirror, “Moony and Wormtail are back from Hogsmeade.”

“Blimey,” Sirius sighed, “It really is getting late. Did they have fun? Did Moony stay warm?”

James held up the mirror so Sirius could see the other two as Remus tore a hat away from his head, making his hair stand up on end from static electricity, and Peter shook snow from his jumper. “Say hullo to Sirius,” James commanded them.

“Hullo to Sirius,” replied Peter in the same tone James had said it.

James snorted with laughter and Remus came over to collect the mirror and stared down at it, “You’re still in detention? Bleedin’ hell. You’ve been there all day!”

Tell me about it,” Sirius groaned.

“I wish you could’ve come to Hogsmeade with us,” Remus said, “It was rather brilliant. We got butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks and Madam Rosmerta had tried a new recipe and was giving away these thick slices of rum cake with butterbeer icing. Sirius, they were brilliant! And at Honeydukes, they’ve got new sweets, as Pete was saying. Wait ‘til you see - we got a couple of them. You’ll love the Song Suckers. They’re these brilliant lollies that you put in your mouth and they get in radio reception! Dunno how they do it, but you can hear any radio station inside your head. So you could sit in class and be listening to the Beatles and nobody’d be any the wiser!”

Wicked!” Sirius said excitedly. “I’ll need a term-long supply of those for History of Magic, please!”

“I got you three whole packages,” Remus said happily.

“You didn’t need to spend your money on me,” Sirius said.

“I wanted to!” Remus replied. James had given Remus a whole galleon to spend on stocking up on his beloved chocolate (“Call it an early birthday present!” James had insisted when Remus tried to refuse it). “I still got loads of fudge bars, of course.” Remus had gotten five fudge bars to be exact, because the Song Suckers hadn’t been cheap, but he knew Sirius would really like them a lot, so he’d spent more than half his money on the three packages.

Sirius said, “You’re the sweetest, Moonpie.”

At his desk, Severus Snape made a face of disgust at this.

Up front, Slughorn suddenly gave a great snort, waking up, and Sirius said, “Blast. Sluggy’s awake.” And he slid the mirror hurriedly off the table top, sliding it discreetly into his pocket.

Back at the dorm, Remus handed the mirror back to James, “He had to go,” he said, “Slughorn woke up apparently.”

James laughed, “Perhaps they’ll actually get out of detention now. I swear, Slughorn only assigns detentions so he has an excuse to take a nap.” James opened his nightstand drawer and dropped the mirror in, only just catching the golden snitch he had trapped inside before it escaped, and shoved the drawer shut. The snitch bounced about in there, making tapping noises against the wood for a few moments before giving up again and waiting for the next time James opened the drawer to reattempt it’s escape.

Remus had got his fudge bars and the song suckers out of the bag he’d carried back and handed the rest of its contents to James - they were all items that James had requested they pick up for him. “I still think you should’ve come along,” Remus said, “The fresh air would’ve done you some good.”

James made a face.

“You’ve barely left the dormitory all week,” Remus said in disapproval.

James shrugged.

“Saw Regulus there,” Remus said, turning about. He drew a book from the bottom shelf of the case and carried it over to his bed and sat down.

James was rooting through his bag of stuff - he had a nose biting teacup, two sugar quills, a box of Bertie Botts, three fudge bars, two packs of sugar mice, a licorice wand, a bottle of broomstick polish, and a new bulb for his detachable broomstick headlamp for evening practicing, since his last one had blown out. He asked, “Did Reg seem to be doing any better?”

“I didn’t talk to him,” Remus replied. “He was at the Three Broomsticks with that Barty Crouch lad. They seemed to be having a fight of some sort. I didn’t want to get involved. He ended up leaving.”

James looked concerned. Regulus had been treated in the hospital wing with a pretty nasty bit of pneumonia after they’d returned from the beach and spent a night there again (a night that James and Sirius both had spent hiding from Pomfrey beneath the invisibility cloak to keep him company as he took a nasty potion to drain the phlegm from his lungs). James hadn’t had a chance to speak with him since, but he knew that Regulus had been going to see Dumbledore in an attempt to draw out the memories that had been obliviated away. James really wanted to know if Dumbledore’s efforts had produced anything, but they’d decided in the hospital wing that it was best for everyone if Regulus go on acting as though he wasn’t friends with any of the Gryffindors.

The door to the dormitory opened, nearly ten minutes later, and Sirius burst into the room, waving his arms in the air, “I’M BACK TO BRING SEXINESS AND JOY TO YOUR OTHERWISE BORING LIVES, GENTS!” he cried out, looking about the room. “Tell me, did you lot miss me?”

“Terribly,” replied James sarcastically.

Peter hadn’t even looked up.

Remus scrambled to put away the book he’d drawn out and leaped over to Sirius, planting a kiss against the side of his head as he dropped a pack of the song suckers into his hands. “Of course we missed you.”

Sirius was already reading the package, “Brilliant. Look at that. I can’t wait to give this a try out.” He grinned and turned to kiss Remus’s chin, then, noticing Rey was wearing his leather jacket, he said, “Oi, Moony, are you trying to turn me on with the leather?” he grinned, “Cos blimey I could rip that off you with my teeth right this second and --”

James cleared his throat and pointed at the parchment they’d spello-taped to the back of the door reading, in great bold letters, NO SEX IN THE DORM, among other rules they’d come up with for the dormitory (including no more multiplying spells - they were still finding popcorn in weird places).

“Well, later then, in the trophy room passageway.” Sirius winked and Remus blushed.




In another dormitory, far below, Regulus Black sat on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest. He was still wheezing a little when he breathed. Honestly, he probably shouldn’t have gone to Hogsmeade with the others, but it had been the only chance he would probably get to talk to James and Sirius, and he’d been quite disappointed to find neither of them had gone. Instead, he’d ended up at the Three Broomsticks with Barty Crouch Jr., who had a sudden new interest in Regulus…

That morning, Regulus had pulled off his pyjamas and was putting on his sweater when Barty had looked up from his Divination textbook and let out a gasp. He’d leaped from his bed like a cougar, descending upon Regulus hungrily and shoved up his sweater sleeve, eyes wide, yanking Regulus’s hand into his own. Regulus struggled to pull away, “Barty, don’t, let go,” he begged, but Barty had twisted his hand over so that his wrist was face up and stared down at the Dark Mark blazed across the pale skin.

Barty’s eyes darted up to Regulus. “Bleeding hell. You’re only fourteen. When did he -- how did --?” Barty breathed the words with an almost lustful admiration.

Regulus tried to tug his arm back, his face burning, “I dunno.”

“What do you mean you dunno?” Barty demanded. “Of course you know! Was it over holiday?”

Regulus said, “It was last week. I - I saw the Dark Lord last week.” That much was true. Why he’d seen the Dark Lord or how or where he had seen the Dark Lord wasn’t clear to him, even now, but he had seen the Dark Lord.

The Mark was there to prove it.

Barty stroked the black ink with his fingers reverently. “Everyone thought you were lying about being the Dark Lord’s favorite,” he whispered, “But look at that.” He looked up at Regulus. “Do you feel more powerful? Do you feel the connection to him?”

Regulus replied, “Not really, no.” He finally managed to pull his wrist away and roughly pulled his sweater sleeve over to cover it.

“What’re you doing! Why are you covering it?” Barty looked aghast. “Bloody hell, I’d be broadcasting it everywhere if I was you. Take out an ad in the Daily Prophet and brag. A Death Eater at only fourteen! You’re so lucky.” He leaned closer, “You can finally make Mulciber and Avery shut up and stop being arseholes to you! You could rule the house of Slytherin with that thing. Nobody will mess with you once they know.”

“Listen, it’s a secret, alright? He - he, uh, he told me not to tell anybody. So… so don’t tell anyone. Not even Mulciber and Avery. And especially not Snape. Alright?” Regulus begged.

Barty had clung to Regulus like glue all through Hogsmeade and he’d kept saying things like, “Watch out, very important person coming through, you don’t want to mess about and make Regulus Black angry,” as though he were some sort of bodyguard for an actual important person. Regulus’s face had burned bright red, not just from the cold, and he’d looked about in vain for ways to ditch Barty, and had even thought of hexing him if he had to. But when he spotted Remus and Peter at the Three Broomsticks without Sirius and James, he’d realized he’d come out to Hogsmeade and put up with Barty’s idioticness for nothing. He’d have been better off staying at the school.

Why are you so glum?” Barty had hissed at the Broomsticks over their butterbeer and free cake from Madam Rosmerta, “I don’t understand. You should be celebrating! You’re probably the youngest Death Eater there ever was! You’re going to end up being, like, his best one, I’ll bet, and he’s going to give you a load of glory. Blimey, and I’ll be saying I knew him when. Can I see it again?” he pleaded, reaching over the table for Regulus’s hand.

“Stop it, Barty, alright? Shut up about it! I told you, it’s a secret and if you keep going on about it, everyone in the castle will know I’ve got it and -- and that would be really bad.”

Barty had said, “It’s like you’re ashamed of it.”

“I’m not ashamed,” Regulus snapped, lying. He was. He felt dirty. He felt disgusting. “But if you keep talking about it and I could… I could lose everything,” he said. He thought about how Sirius had looked at his wrist that one night, how he’d used the lack of a Dark Mark as a sign he could trust Regulus… Sure they weren’t super close, but Sirius had opened up at least a little bit and Regulus didn’t want to give him any reason to turn his back again. The Dark Mark would push Sirius further away than ever if he ever found out it was there…

“You know,” Barty said, “I think the thing I’m most angry about is that you didn’t have me along to see it happen. I’m supposed to be your best mate.”

You haven’t even spoken to me hardly at all since May, thought Regulus. You’re only speaking to me now because you think I’ll help you get in with the Dark Lord. You’re using me. You’re just as horrible as all the others.

“I didn’t know he was doing it anyway, Barty,” Regulus said flatly.

When Barty still wouldn’t stop bringing it up, always with a smirk and a wink, Regulus had finally left and gone back to Hogwarts alone. And now there he was, sitting on the bed, in the dark dormitory, his wrist laid across his lap, the sleeve of his sweater pushed up, staring at the Dark Mark upon his skin, at the way the snake seemed to writhe ever so slightly as it twisted and turned out of the mouth of the horrible looking skull.

Regulus buried his face into the mark, his heart feeling as though it had swelled a hundred times larger than could really fit into his chest only to shatter apart into more pieces than he could ever put back together. His fingers tightened ‘round the medallion Maryrose had given him. “But I’m not brave, Maryrose, you were wrong, I’m not brave at all,” he whispered, “If I was, I wouldn’t have this coward’s mark upon my skin.” And he rocked himself, sinking deep into his anguish.

He drowning again.







THE MARAUDERS' DORMROOM RULES
1. NO SEX IN THE DORM
2. Speaking after midnight may result in a Silencio
3. The word "moist" is strictly off limits
4. No eating crunchy things with crumbs on Remus's Bed (or Sirius can sleep on his own bed and be quite alone)
5. If you shed it you sweep it (that means you Padfoot)
6. ABSOLUTELY NO MULTIPLYING SPELLS
7. There is a laundry hamper for a reason guys
8. Rhyming charms are annoying and not for long term use
9. James must wear socks at all times (fresh socks) (your feet smell worse than Snape mate)
10. THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO PUTTING OF YOUR UNSTOCKINGED FEET ON MY FACE AGAIN YOU TWATWAFFLE!!!!! OR I TELL MINNIE!!!!
11. Maybe we shouldn't do the animagi thing in the dorm? Filch still suspicious after repairing antler damage from last time.
12. Quidditch supplies must be packed away, I'm sick of tripping on your balls
13. Remus wrote balls guys!
14. All rules must be rules not just commentary from Sirius
15. Remus must say balls once a day
16. Sirius isn't allowed to make anymore rules
17. Snogging for more than ten minutes without coming up for air is not allowed
18. Being jealous of people for setting snogging records is not allowed
19. See 14 & 16
20. Fuck 14 & 16
21. See 1
22. Blimey this list is long