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Awkwardly Talking


“I still think you’re mad for inviting a could-be-future-Death-Eater along to our meeting!” Sirius complained as they ate lunch at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. He had dark circles under his eyes from all of the firewhiskey and a particularly sour mood. “We still don’t know for sure that he isn’t pro-Moldy-more.” He glanced at Remus and nudged a bit more rice and beans onto his plate and elbowed him, waving at the plate.

Remus looked pained. But he wasn’t eating and Sirius wasn’t going to let what happened at Yule Ball happen again so he gave him The Look and Remus sighed and picked up his fork with a shaky hand. They were still a week away from the full moon - it was concerning Sirius that Remus looked as bad as he did already. Bad moon, he kept telling himself, It’s going to be a bad moon. That must be it.

Luckily, the others (aside from James) looked just as bad thanks to the firewhiskey the night before and Remus didn’t stand out.

Peter was bad enough that he had slept through breakfast (the first mean he had willingly skipped, ever) and had gone to get sandwiches mid-morning from the house elves in the kitchen before going back to bed to skip lunch (the second meal he had willingly skipped, ever) in favor of sleeping longer.

James put down the pumpkin juice he’d been drinking while Sirius whined for the hundredth time about meeting up with Regulus. “You’ve got to give the poor kid a chance, Pads. I know you’ve got some history and all - we all do - but he’s trying. He’s struggling but he’s trying. You said you lot talked in the tunnel coming back that night.”

Sirius watched Remus eat for a moment, then turned back to James, “Yeah, we did, we talked, but - I dunno, he’s been acting dodgy again the last month since then, I’ve been watching him over there…” he nodded toward the Slytherin table and James turned in his seat to look over, then turned back to face Sirius. “He’s always… separated and… and upset looking.”

“He’s mourning the loss of his girlfriend, Sirius, of course he’s going to look upset,” James said, “Or did you forget about Maryrose already?” His voice was sharp at this last bit.

“Calm your tits, Jay - I’ve forgotten nothing,” Sirius replied. He sighed when James gave him a Look. “Potter, really? Of course I haven’t forgotten Maryrose. Brilliant girl that she was, and the most fucking awesome hair. I would’ve inducted her into P.A.H.W.F.A.H.W.W.N.D.J.P., except she had already broken the W.W.N.D.J.P. bit. She was the sweetest girl you’ve ever dated. Granted her only competition was Bananalee down there, but she was still the sweetest girl.”

James rolled his eyes.

Sirius sighed, “James.”

James looked up.

“I haven’t forgotten. I’ll never forget.” Sirius’s voice was level and heavy.

James nodded and turned back to his sandwich.

Sirius looked at Remus, who’d finished the rice and beans and he grinned, “Oi Moonsicle, you’ve done well.”

Remus had his eyes closed.

“You alright, then, Moony?” James asked from across the table.

Remus nodded. “Brilliant.”

Lily came into the Great Hall then and James saw her as she looked over the table carefully. There were two spots available. One between him and Frank Longbottom, and one down the table, by Meg and McKenna. Lily stood awkwardly for a moment, unsure where to go.

James stood up, “I’m gonna go wait for Reg in the entrance hall,” he said, taking the second half of his sandwich to go. He knew Lily wanted to sit with Frank and Ali, not McKenna and Meg, but he also knew she was hesitating coming to sit by him. He decided to take himself out of the equation. “See you.” He turned and headed for the door… as he passed Lily, he said, “Sorry.”

“You’re leaving?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said, “Gotta go… you know… prepare for the meeting or - yeah.” He shrugged, shoved the sandwich in his mouth to hold it a second and shrugged on his Gryffindor sweater - the new one, since he still hadn’t found his bloody favorite one. He was starting to think he might’ve left it in the Shrieking Shack last month.

Lily bit the edge of her lip and watched as he shoved his arms in the sleeves and said, “Your… your patronus was really nice yesterday.”

“So was yours,” James answered, taking the sandwich from his mouth.

Lily smiled shyly.

“You’re coming to the meeting today, yeah?” James asked.

She nodded, “I was planning to.”

“Good. Brilliant. You’re one of our smartest members so it’ll be important to have you there. We’d have missed you sorely if you weren’t there.” He meant that he would’ve missed her if she wasn’t there.

Lily said, “Nah. You wouldn’t even notice.”

“I would,” he said.

“You’ll be too busy leading the whole Order, won’t you?” she said. Her eyes met his, “Being the bravest and all.” She had actually meant it, though the words came out a bit like she was teasing him, as though he were acting like he was the bravest, the way he acted like he was the best at everything under the sun the moment he thought he she was looking when he tried to impress her.

James half-smiled, not the way she liked, and he shrugged. He’d obviously taken what she said the way she didn’t mean.

“I’m serious,” Lily said, trying to make it better.

“No you aren’t, you’re Evans.”

“Shut up. You know what I meant, Potter.”

James laughed. Then, “Well. I’m glad the whole incident with the library hasn’t ruined our friendship.” His voice held just a tinge of sarcasm, and he started to turn away.

Lily hesitated, then reached out a palm to catch his elbow, stopping him. He looked back at her. She stared up at him. Godric, why are you such a beautiful man? she thought.

Little did she know, he was thinking the same thing about her at the exact same moment. Their brains, had they voices to speak outloud, would’ve said the words in unison.

“Evans?” he asked.

Lily said, “You are my friend.”

“Alert the press! The Daily Prophet will release an afternoon edition with the headline!”

“Potter.”

“Evans.”

“I’m seri-- I’m not joking.”

James’s lips twitched slightly. “Alright.”

Lily hesitated again, her hand still on his elbow, not wanting to break the touch. She stared at his arm a moment. She wondered what his arm looked like under that sweater… was it muscular or that stocky sort of strong? What about his chest? His abdomen? Her eye flitted over him, then back up to his face and she blushed, seeing he was watching her eyes, his eyebrow lifted.

“Yes?”

“See you Potter,” she said, and she turned away quickly, her cheeks hot as she rushed over to take the spot that James had been in, opposite Remus, who was now being fed bits of sandwich as Sirius ripped it apart and talked him into taking each morsel.

James watched her go a moment, tempted to go after her, but deciding that he better not, and he turned to the doors to leave the Great Hall, his hands deep in his trouser pockets. He stood out in the hall by the hour glasses and waited for Regulus Black to come.




Severus stared from the Slytherin table, watching James and Lily standing, so awkwardly talking. They were still getting on together - even after the rumor. Thanks to that stupid stag. Severus glared at James as he went out into the entrance hall, his fists balled in his lap, his knuckles white from how tight he was squeezing his fingers. If he had any hope with Lily Evans - any hope at all - he had to get James Potter out of the picture completely. He had to get their little secret exposed, get the whole lot of the Marauders chucked out of the school for their lies. He had to find proof of Remus Lupin’s condition, proof that the other three were keeping the secret, and expose them all for what they were.

His eyes flickered to Remus Lupin, who looked haggard and was being forced to eat at all, and for the slightest moment Severus felt sorry for the mangy looking boy… but then Lily sank into the seat across from them and Sirius Black’s eyes lit up as he greeted her and Severus could see Lily’s head moving as she laughed at something he’d said and a pang of jealousy went through him.

It should’ve been him making Lily Evans laugh.

Not that murderous arsehole, Black.

He balled his fist all the tighter.

Suddenly struck by inspiration, Severus turned to Avery, right beside him at the table, and he said, slyly, “Do you reckon he’s found anything out yet?”

“What? Who?” Avery looked at Snape with confused eyes.

“Black.”

Avery glanced over his shoulder to where Regulus Black sat, alone, sort of hunkered down over his food, his copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them open on the table before him. “What’re you on about?” he asked, turning back to look at Snape.

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you don’t know? Did the Dark Lord not tell you?” He pretended to look a bit shocked, a bit nervous, and he turned away, “Forget I said anything.”

Avery was hooked. “About what? What’s he findin’ out about?” He glanced at Regulus, then back to Snape. “What’re you on about? Tell me.”

“I shouldn’t. The Dark Lord will be angry…”

“Tell me or I’ll hex you.”

He could see Avery’s mind spinning with excitement. He could see Alabaster Jackson’s listening in, trying to be discreet, poking at his lunch with his fork slowly, staring down, trying not to look conspicuous.

Perfect, thought Snape.
“Well he’s a spy, isn’t he?” whispered Snape. “He’s been… you know…” he whispered, “Given the mark. The Dark Lord’s assigned him to keep his eye on James Potter and his little gang. They’re… opposing the Dark Lord, but… but only because Sirius Black wants to be the Dark Lord. He’s not content with following.”

Avery stared at Snape, “Yer mental.”

“It’s true!” Snape argued. “I heard it from Lucius Malfoy himself.

Avery glanced down the table again at Regulus.

“They have a secret club,” Snape said lowly, just loud enough for Alabaster to hear if he strained real hard. “Like the Knights of Walpurgis, except it’s an anti-Voldemort movement. The Order of the Phoenix.”

“Stupid name,” muttered Avery.

“I agree,” Snape said. “They have loads of secrets. Including… a secret… weapon.”

“A secret weapon?” Avery asked. “What sort of weapon?”

Severus shrugged, “I can’t tell you that bit.”

“Why not?”

Severus replied,

Avery looked over at Regulus a third time. “He’s only fourteen.”

Severus nodded.

“And he’s got the mark already?”

Severus nodded. “He’s that dark.” He paused, then, “You know, he is really the one that killed the Jenkins girl?”

“Regulus Black?”

Severus nodded. “Murder seems to run in the family.”