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What Do You See In Them?


Mary Macdonald’s story was told in whispers throughout the school. Despite Dumbledore’s persistence, however, Mary Macdonald would not tell him or McGonagall who it was that had hurt her, or who it was that had helped her. She was afraid, she said, of the attackers coming at her again, and her rescuer had asked her not to tell. That was all she would say of the topic.

A ripple of fear went through the students - a horrible terror that had the muggle-borns walking together. It was James’s idea that the Marauders walk with Lily Evans to every class, and James who led the way, brandishing his wand like a sword, swaggering along ahead of her like he was a grandmaster of a parade, shouting for people to “watch out, muggle-born coming through, watch out, make way for the muggle-born, you gits”.

Of course everyone had their own theories, and several of the Slytherin boys were among the names spreading about the castle. Although Lily never particularly liked gossip, this story she paid a fair bit of attention to because of how nauseated it made her feel, how much it fueled her passion to be a good prefect, to watch over the first years like they were ducklings, always counting and recounting them, making sure all seven were there…

Remus threw himself into prefect duties, too, with a vigor that he’d lacked all year long until then. For suddenly there was no Sirius Black to distract him, but rather he now needed distracting from Sirius Black. And so every night Remus Lupin was among the last to leave the common room, sitting for hours and hours on end at the table, helping the first years with their homework assignments or volunteering to do things in the library to help Madam Pince.

James poured his energies into drawing plays for the quidditch match against Hufflepuff - the rematch from the month before. He sat chewing on a quill for hours in the chair by the fire, his hair falling over his forehead in a way that made Lily Evans lose her train of thought as she worked… Peter would be sitting on the floor beside him, drawing or doing homework or playing chess by himself (being both players allowed Peter to win now and then).

But the most concerning of all that week was Sirius Black, who, following his afternoon crying to Lily Evans, had seemed to turn to stone. He lay on his bed in the dormitory, staring at the canopy that hung above his four poster. The darkness would fall and he wouldn’t bother to light a lamp, nor would he sleep, he’d just lay and stare… While the others paraded Lily Evans about from class to class, Sirius trailed behind a few steps, watching his own feet as he walked. And he wasn’t really saying much of anything.

Even when James tried telling him jokes. Even when Peter put on his favorite records. And most especially not when Remus was in the room.

“Mr. Black, do you know the incantation to changing this rock into an egg?” Professor McGonagall asked. It was a fairly simple question, they’d covered it in third year. It was for a revision test for the O.W.L., and she’d chosen it because when they’d covered it Sirius had laughed quite profoundly because the incantation was eggtasti and he’d made loads of puns about it being an eggsellent incantation, calling it eggtastic and sworn he would never forget it.

Now, he shrugged.

She held him back after class and looked him over with an uneasy expression, “Mr. Black, is there something the matter?”

Sirius murmured, “I’m fine, Professor McGonagall.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Professor McGonagall?”

Sirius looked up.

“In five years, I can count on my hand the number of time you’ve called me Professor McGonagall, Sirius… Are you sure everything is alright?”

Sirius stared at the desktop before him, then said slowly, “No… but it’s not anything even you can change,” he replied, and he’d gathered his books and left before she could press him much further.

In Herbology, when Sirius Black didn’t come to class, Harry Warbeck was caught whispering to Jasper Odair about Sirius. “He’s gone mad,” Harry whispered, “Everyone says so. Apparently there was a fight, him and Severus Snape, or something. Nobody knows the details. But they say Snape’s set him mad… Alls I know is that he’s a real freak.”

Lily whirled about, “SHUT UP!”

Several people looked up from their stations about the Green Houses, including Remus, who was elbow deep in soil, trying to complete the assignment he and Sirius were supposed to be working on together and he was now completing alone.

Lily’s face was flush, “You can’t be talking about other people that way! You musn’t! It’s awful. Isn’t it obvious that something is the matter with him? And isn’t that enough? Must you talk about him and spread lies? How would you like it, if you were depressed and everyone whispered about you? Saying you were mental? It isn’t very fun, being called a freak!”

And Harry Warbeck had shut up immediately, abashed and feeling quite guilty for what he’d done.




Severus Snape was standing in the archway of the courtyard, watching as the sunlight came over the parapets, casting a shadow of Ravenclaw tower. He had his Potions book open and was casting notes into the margins, waiting to see Lily Evans come back in from her Herbology class. As the class let out, he saw her come through the gates that led to the green houses, her face red, still flushed from her argument with Harry Warbeck. She was hugging her text tight to her chest. Severus waited only long enough to be certain that the Marauders weren’t following after her, as they had been lately, and then he rushed across the courtyard to fall into step beside her.

“Lily!”

“Not now, Severus.”

He trotted up along side her anyway. “C’mon, we haven’t talked in forever, Lil.”

Lily sighed, “I know. But I’ve just had a row and --”

“A row? With who?” Severus looked back in the direction of the greenhouses. “What about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Sev,” Lily said.

Severus frowned. “C’mon Lily. I can make you feel better if you let me.” He thought about it a moment.

“Please. Not right now.”

Severus stepped in front of her, forcing her to pause a moment. “Why don’t you ever want to spend time with me?” he asked, “Never want to go for picnics, never want to go for walks. You never want to study together in the library.”

“You’re never alone in the library.”

“So?”

“Sev, you know the answer to that.”

She spotted James Potter across the courtyard with Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, laughing and talking with some of the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff Quidditch players about the game that weekend, and she quickly veered to go toward the library entrance to avoid James. Last thing she needed was James Potter and Severus Snape getting into a fight in the courtyard. Enough rubbish had gone on already.

Snape followed her gaze and scowled when he saw James. His face went sour.

“I thought we were supposed to be friends?” Severus asked, “Best friends? Isn’t that what you always say?”

She hadn’t said it in some time.

Lily paused. “We are, Sev, but I don’t like some of the people you’re hanging around with! I’m sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! Ugh. Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he’s creepy!”

“He’s not that creepy,” muttered Severus.

“Do you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?” They were nearly to the library door and Lily leaned against a pillar, her face serious. She stared at Severus with those piercing green eyes.

Severus had. He’d heard it from Mulciber and Avery themselves, how they’d hexed her in the hallway, made her forget where she was and drew her away from her friends so they could pull her off to the cells… They’d bragged to him, told him next time they messed with a Mudblood they’d get him in on it if he was interested. (“Could even get that little ginger you fancy so much if you like…” Avery had said, his lips twitching suggestively, “Wouldn’t that make you happy?”) Severus felt a lump in his throat.

“That… that was nothing,” he said, “It was a laugh, that’s all.”

LIly’s eyes widened. “A laugh?” She shook her head, “It was Dark Magic - used to attack a muggle-born girl, to nearly ---,” she paused and took a deep breath. “And if you think that’s funny ---”

“What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?” demanded Severus. He glanced across the courtyard, where James had taken up a bet and was now doing a handstand, attempting to walk to the fountain and back, laughing as his legs became top heavy and his glasses slid down his nose. He was grinning wildly, overly assured he could do it, dripping with arrogance, being all of the things that Severus Snape wished he could be - popular and confident and laughing. He turned to look at Lily with a resentful sneer on his face, “Just look at him, the arrogant little --”

She looked. And James happened to look up at that exact moment and spotted her watching and his face flushed and he misstepped and tripped and fell right into the water fountain with a splash. Lily stifled a laugh as he came blubbering up from the pool. “What’s Potter got to do with anything?” said Lily.

“They sneak out at night. There’s something weird about that Lupin.” Severus pointed at Remus, who was hugging his multiple layers of sweaters tight about him, watching James splash about in the water with a sad look about his face. Severus turned back to her to find Lily’s flush had paled a bit. “Where does he keep going?”

Lily’s voice trembled as she lied, “He’s ill. They say he’s ill --”

“Every month at the full moon?” Snape hissed.

“I know your theory.” Lily’s voice hardened - she didn’t know how much Severus Snape knew about Remus following the incident, or how much she was supposed to know he knew… She didn’t dare confirm anything. It was better to play stupid, she thought, better to let Snape think she thought he was crazy. He opened his mouth to argue - to remind her it wasn’t a theory, and Lily quickly changed tack to distract him. “Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they’re doing at night?”

“I’m just trying to show you they’re not as wonderful as everyone --” he waved his hand about at the crowd that had gathered ‘round to cheer James on at his feat, “-- seems to think they are.” He ended his gesture with a wave at her… and he stared at her quite intensely. His eyes said like you do and she wondered if he’d somehow found out about the kissing after the Quidditch practice that weekend and her face flushed very hot.

“I never said --”

He looked as though she’d speared him through the heart. “You don’t have to say it. Your eyes say it,” he said sharply.

Lily flushed all the harder.

“They’re bullies,” he hissed. “Especially Potter.”

“They don’t use Dark Magic though,” Lily’s voice lowered, “And you’re being really ungrateful! I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from --- from whatever’s-down-there.” she stammered.

“Saved? Saved?” He scoffed, “You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends’ too!”

Lily rolled her eyes. She clutched her books closer and looked away from Severus, her eyes meeting James’s across the courtyard again as he was being towelled off by Emmaline Vance. He smiled at her and waved.

Her heart skipped a beat as his lip caught up on his tooth.

Severus looked very displeased, seeing this interaction - seeing the flicker in her eyes. “You can’t like him. Not after what he did to me... You’re not going to -- I won’t let you.”

“Let me?” Lily spluttered, looking back to him from James. “Let me?” She glared at him.

“I didn’t mean -- I just don’t want to see you made a fool of -- He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!” He spat the words and Lily stared at him. “And he’s not the big hero he thinks he is -- he isn’t -- he’s not good for you, he’s not! So what if he’s a big Quidditch hero -- he’s - he’s arrogant, he’s --”

Lily’s eyes were wide - eyebrows nearly in her hairline. She stared at him, aghast.

“Everyone thinks you fancy him back.” Snape’s voice trembled. “Do you? Do you fancy him back?”

“I know James Potter is an arrogant toerag,” she said sharply, her face redder than it had ever been. “I don’t need you to tell me that!” She waved her palm at James, laughing as he pushed a Ravenclaw boy into the fountain with a flick of his wand. “But Mulciber’s and Avery’s idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don’t understand how you can be friends with them, when they’re treating Mary Macdonald - and Merlin knows how many other girls - like they’re objects - like they can just take what they want from them because they aren’t purebloods.” She shook her head. “I don’t like James Potter.”

The tension in Severus’s body left and he stared up at her, hopeful now. “I’ve never agreed with what Mulciber and Avery get up to.”

“Then why are you friends?” she snapped. “You know, I’m a muggle born too, same as Mary Macdonald. Next time it could be me they go after. Would it be just a laugh then?”

Severus felt sick. He shook his head.

“Well… that’s what they do to muggle-borns. To people like me.” Lily shrugged. “I need to go Severus.” And she hurriedly turned away from him, rushing through the doors into the library wing, her heart pounding.

She’d had the most peculiar feeling, while they were talking… and it had given her the strangest desire to weep, as though for something she was missing…

It’s for Snape, for the friendship that’s falling apart, she told herself.

But that wasn’t it. It was something else…

Like being watched.






** Some excerpts of this chapter are from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, chapter “The Prince’s Tale”**