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Dreamed


When Remus woke up, it was just before four o’clock in the morning and the black dog was gone. He lay in bed for a second, wondering if he’d dreamed it… He sat up and pushed the duvet back, looking across the room to see Sirius was asleep across his own bed, his hair draped over his face messily, sprawled about like a starfish. Remus looked down, disappointed. Until he saw a small clump of black fur stuck to the sheets. His heart raced and he plucked the little clump of fur from the sheets and held it in his hands as he looked back over at Sirius. He had come over to him. Remus clutched the fur like he was holding a precious stone of some sort, and he held it to his chest a moment...

Remus got up and he went over to the desk, pressing the fur into one of his books between the pages so he wouldn’t lose it. He thought about opening that drawer and seeing what it was Sirius had been looking at when he woke up, but thought better of it. He grabbed his towel and a bottle of shampoo that the boys all shared and headed for the showers, his bones a little achey from having slept in a funny position, wrapped about a dog all night.

The corridors were chilly, the sun not yet up to warm the castle, and Remus pushed open the door of the showers, relieved to find it empty. He always came in the earliest hours, before most people even woke up, because he didn’t like the other boys in Gryffindor seeing his scars. He just wouldn’t take a shower if he couldn’t get there while it was empty.

Remus worked at unbuttoning his layers of sweaters and folding them carefully, laying them on the bench outside the shower, when he’d undressed, he stood at the sink staring into his own face for a few moments, running his eyes and fingers over his scars, as though taking an inventory. Sometimes it was easy to forget they were there - sometimes, he imagined himself smooth and normal, and he would look into a mirror and be startled by what he saw staring back. Sometimes it was good to remind himself who he was. That’s what he was doing then, just touching each of the marks and trying to commit to memory exactly where they were on his face… His fingers paused on the deep gouge across his nose and cheeks, the most vicious of the lines, the only one he could see without a mirror, and only barely, if he crossed his eyes, he could sort of make out the dip of it on his nose and under his eye.

Finally, he sighed and turned to the showers, shivering in the cold of the room. He slid across the tile and reached for the faucet, turning it on as hot as it would go, water spraying over him - cold at first (“shit, fuck, shit, ow - cold, cold, cold,” he hissed, dancing about under the faucet head to get away) and then it warmed and finally came out boiling hot and he groaned as the spray hit his back. He closed his eyes and positioned the shower head so it fell straight down upon him as he leaned his forehead against the tile wall, feeling it stream over him, the steam filling up the room thick as smoke. He breathed deeply, the humidity in the air warming his lungs and the hot water feeling just so good on his sore muscles.

He was sixteen but he felt like he was sixty for all the pains and aches he had. Ned Veigler had told him that would happen. Arthritis was common in werewolves, Veigler had said. Common to set into your bones early. Remus stared at his hands and flexed his fingers a few times, feeling the tension in the knuckles and the stretching of his skin over the bones.

The door to the shower room opened, but Remus didn’t hear it, his head under the water of the shower. He didn’t realize anybody was there at all until he felt a hand on his back.

“What the f---” he turned around in a panic to find Sirius there, staring up at him. “What’re you doing?” Remus asked, “Trying to give me a coronary?”

“Sorry,” Sirius whispered and he leaned closer and kissed Remus’s soaking wet shoulder as the rain of the shower fell over them. Sirius’s lips were cold compared to the shower water that had been scorching Remus’s skin for some time now, turning him all pink and red… “I didn’t mean to scare you…” and he kissed Remus’s collar bone. Remus’s eyes closed and he tilted his head back, face aimed to the ceiling…

“Alright, Moony?” whispered Sirius.

He hadn’t called him Moony in so long.

“Yes.”

Sirius’s hands were on him then, sliding over the wet skin of his shoulders, and he turned him about so that Remus was facing the tile wall, and Sirius ran his hands down Remus’s arms, wove their fingers together and brought their fists up against the wall until Remus’s palms pressed against to the tile. Sirius stepped up behind him, his face in Remus’s neck and he kissed his neck from behind, strings of black hair came ‘round Remus’s neck as Sirius’s hands slid back down his arms, and Sirius whispered in his ear, “Don’t move.”

Remus held still, every muscle in his body felt like it was squirming.

Sirius’s mouth ran over Remus’s shoulder and Remus squeezed his eyes shut, the hot water burning over them, and Sirius’s hands sliding ‘round his torso, running over his chest… over his abdomen… Remus’s back arched at the feeling of Sirius’s mouth, leaving a trail of kisses down his spine… His finger clenched, the heels of his hands pressing hard against the tile… Sirius’s teeth were scraping along his skin… Remus felt a lump rise up in his throat, his heart racing just so, so hard… and Sirius’s hands were on his hips… sliding around over his thigh…

And Remus woke up.

He sat up in bed. He was still holding the clump of fur to his chest, panting for air. “Oh Merlin,” he whispered, staring up at the canopy over the four poster. He looked around, trembling, his crotch on fire. He grabbed a pillow and put it on his lap. The other three were fast asleep, their faces buried in their pillows. Sirius still a starfish across his mattress, hair still fallen over his face… dry and clothed and far away.




The next morning, on the way down to the Great Hall for breakfast, James let Sirius and Peter get ahead of them and he caught Remus’s wrist to slow him down a second, to give them some space. Remus looked at James expectantly. “The courtyard - the one between Ravenclaw tower and the Bell tower gate…” James said quietly, “The four trees. How long have they been there?”

Remus shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“I’ve been thinking about it all night,” James whispered, “I dreamed about the stupid things. They oughtn’t be there.”

“What?”

“They were planted after Maryrose died in my timeline,” James whispered, “They were a memorial to her. Each tree represented something about her, and Dumbledore and Viridi put them in to remember Maryrose by. But she’s not dead, so we don’t need to remember her, so they ought not to be there anymore.”

Remus looked concerned, “That’s odd.”

“I know,” James said. “And that’s not the only thing I’ve seen that’s like that. Lily has a bracelet that I never would’ve bought in this timeline. I bought it for her for Valentine’s Day, but it was after Maryrose had died and Lily and I were sort of a little bit close at least. I sort of accidentally gave it to her, long story, but -- but I wouldn’t have bought it in this timeline, I was seeing Maryrose.”

Remus’s brows cinched together.

“What do you think it means, Rey?”

“I have no idea.”

“But - but you think it means something right? It’s significant.”

“Maybe.”

James looked frustrated and nervous. “I thought I was crazy when I first realized the trees were still there, Remus. Like seeing a ghost.”

As though on cue, Nearly Headless Nick floated past.

“Figuratively,” James said.

Remus laughed.

“Well. I can research it and see what I can find out,” Remus suggested. “I dunno if the library has much on time turners, though, I don’t know if it’s really something they teach us kids.”

“Anything will help,” James said, “I feel like I’m going mad.”

“You didn’t really have far to go,” Remus joked.

“Hey now.” James nudged Rey and they laughed.

“Seriously, James, I’ll see what I can find out.” He paused. Then, “Sirius slept with me last night. I mean, as a dog. I mean - you know - literally slept, like sleeping, not… anyway.”

James looked down the stairs at where Sirius had Peter in a headlock and was running his knuckles over Pete’s head, messing up his dirty blonde hair and laughing as Peter struggled to escape. He looked at Remus, “Was everything okay?”

“I dunno,” Remus replied. “He seemed upset, sad, like he needed a hug. And he turned into Snuffles and came up and was going to sleep at my feet, but then I called him up and he ended up under the duvet. He was gone when I woke up, but there was fur in the bed so I know it wasn’t a dream.”

Unlike the other thing, the other thing was a dream. Remus thought.

James hummed, “Well. I did talk to him a little yesterday.” He flushed.

“You did?”

“He was all sad acting, chain smoking, I dunno. I could tell something was bothering him and we were out in the woods, on the beach there by the lake, and he was just so sad. So I told him that you loved him still and missed him.” James added, quickly, “I’m sorry, I just - he needed to hear it, Remus.”

Remus paused, his heart in his throat. “What’d he say?”

“He didn’t say anything.”

Remus tugged at his cardigan restlessly and looked down the stairs.

“ARE YOU IDIOTS COMING OR WHAT? BREAKFAST WILL BE COLD AND WE’LL HAVE RUBBER EGGS!” Sirius shouted from the bottom. He still had Peter in a headlock.

“We’re coming!” James yelled back.

“Make him free me!” Peter squealed.

“Sirius, stop abusing Peter!” James shouted.

Sirius snickered and freed him and Peter scrambled away, his hair standing on end from Sirius’s teasing and he pulled his shirt into it’s proper place, looking warily at Sirius, who smirked at him and blew him a kiss.

James said, “Well, apparently he’s feeling a bit better today, so maybe it helped a little.”

Remus thrilled at the thought of having helped, even a little bit, and he hurried after James down the stairs.