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She smiled, relieved. He was sleeping, and he was close to her. Her parent’s living room was considerably dark and she found she could finally relax after a hectic day of packing and unpacking.

The baby in her belly gave a vigorous kick and she couldn’t suppress a groan. “Stop tormenting me, Baylee,” she whispered, in fact not minding the lively movement within her one bit. Brian moved a little next to her, but stayed perfectly asleep, with his head on her thigh. He’d fallen asleep listening to the baby, and Leighanne determined it was the cutest thing ever. Her whole leg had steadily gone numb as well, but she didn’t mind at all.

Brian slept a lot lately, actually. She guessed it was to make up for all those nights he’d been forced to stay awake. The new medication had an unrivalled effect on his sleeping pattern and there hadn’t been any nightmares in over a week now. And yes, she was counting.

Apart from being able to get some much needed rest, Brian was calmer and more relaxed due to the new pills. And it had been more than a month since the last seizure And yes, she was counting. Life had gone on to pick up some of the normal routine she’d known before all the bad stuff had happened. And she was grateful for that.

Not that there weren’t downsides to the strict, new medication regime. The side-effects were more pronounced than before. They made him nauseous most of the time and the moment he’d finally reached a healthy weight after months, she’d noticed he was already losing pounds again. But that wasn’t the worst thing. No, she was more worried about his mental state. Although he was much calmer and less jumpy, he seemed awfully detached. There was no real joy or sadness or happiness or anything really in him anymore. It was like he lived in a permanent state of disconnection. Like he didn’t really care about anything anymore. That was fairly frightening.

The door opened slightly and Leighanne jerked, snapping out of her thoughts.

“Do you need anything?” her mother asked.

“Besides a pillow?” Leighanne smiled, “I don’t think I can feel my leg anymore.”

“I’m on it,” her mother replied and a minute later she was back with three pillows.

“You didn’t have to overdo it, Ma,” her daughter sighed, carefully maneuvering her leg away from under her husband’s head and replacing it with a pillow. She stretched her numb leg carefully, already feeling the tingling sensation.

“Maybe you should try and get some sleep as well, you look real tired, honey,” Mom said seriously.

“I’m fine,” Leighanne insisted, “I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. Baylee’s been kicking all evening, and I’m starting to get the feeling he isn’t settling down any time soon.”

Mom smiled, “These boys are keeping you busy, aren’t they?”

“Sure seems like it.”

“I know it must be real hard on you,” Mom’s eyes were filled with compassion and Leighanne felt her heart clench at the look of concern on her face.

“I’ll be fine,” she managed to say confidently, although she knew her mother was right. “Brian’s helping a great deal anyway.”

Mom nodded a little too quickly, “Of course he is. You taught that boy well.”

Leighanne laughed softly, “When we first started living together, he didn’t even know how to use a vacuum,” she remembered, “I sure showed him how to do his homework.”

“Ha,” Mom laughed, “You can’t blame him though. You don’t normally have to vacuum hotel rooms yourself.”

“With the mess he and Nick left behind, I’m surprised the hotel staff didn’t insist they cleaned it themselves.”

“Shh,” Mom patted her leg playfully, “Don’t make me wake him up with my laughing fit, because I could just see those two dirty dogs grudgingly vacuum a hotel room together,” she laughed, “Speaking of dogs, where’s that white brown thing that follows the two of you anywhere?”

“Bonnie?” Leighanne smiled, “We decided to leave her at home, she’s become awfully overprotective lately. Plus, I know you’re not too fond of dogs, Mom.”

“Bonnie isn’t the worst of it,” Mom insisted, though the relief shone through on her face.

“She was not amused when we left,” Leighanne informed her. “Neither was Tyke, for that matter. But I’m sure Bob and Laura will take care of them. Tyke seems to like them better than us anyway.”

Mom smiled, leaning back in her armchair. “So, Bonnie is jobless now.”

“Bonnie is an alert dog,” Leighanne reminded, “Brian doesn’t need an alert dog if he is surrounded by people.”

“You don’t want to share your man with a dog,” Mom teased, an amused glittering in her eyes.

“I certainly don’t,” Leighanne gave in. “And he’s on new meds since yesterday, so we have to see how that goes first.”

“What is it this time?” Mom asked with a sigh, highly aware of the numerous pills that they had already collected over the past.

“Zyprexa or something,” Leighanne said, “It’s an anti-psychotic,” she added quietly.

“Oh dear,” Mom muttered, “They’re turning him into a guinea pig this way.”

Leighanne nodded softly, staring at her hands, and then at Brian. “Didn’t Jimmy...” she whispered quietly, her hands starting to shake involuntarily.

“Your stepbrother was on a lot of things,” Mom replied sternly, “he was in a really bad shape, Leighanne, you know that.”

“Still,” Leighanne said, “Zyprexa, I think I remember that.”

“I think these cases are hardly comparable,” Mom commented in a tone that meant that they should drop the subject altogether, “Jimmy and Brian are completely different people. There hasn’t been any indication that Brian would do something like that, has there?”

“No!” Leighanne said quickly, a little too loud. Brian muttered something, but didn’t stir further. “No,” she said, much quieter, “But I can’t help but think about Jimmy sometimes.”

“Jimmy had never been happy with his life,” Mom said, and Leighanne had never heard her mother talk this much about her stepson in the fifteen years since his death, “He was too far gone to save. The moment he stepped out of this life, it must have been a blessing in his eyes. He didn’t fight it. He’d just never enjoyed living.”

“I never knew that,” Leighanne whispered, impressed. “Brian’s been fighting so hard.”

“And he’s come very far.”

Leighanne nodded, remembering little over a year ago, when you couldn’t even enter the same room as Brian without him completely losing his mind. The fear and panic had been so pure and almost animalistic at times, that she’d wondered how he’d ever come back from it. That version of Brian seemed far away now, this one was, although still affected by the past, a much more stable man and husband. She just wished he’d acknowledge the fact that he was her husband a little bit more. There was a lot of stuff still missing. And she missed those things. She missed touching him without him shrinking back. She missed him touching her in that gentle, caring way she’d fallen in love with. She missed their careless talks in the middle of the night, where their bond had strengthened in a matter of months. She missed his comfort, his confidence, his genuine laugh and his boundless love. And with every improvement, she was afraid that this was the best it would get.

“I hope he isn’t going to freak out once the baby is born,” she mumbled.

“I think the baby will actually be a very good thing for him,” Mom replied, “You should give him some time.”

“I guess.”

Brian awoke with a groan, his brow creasing as he opened his eyes. “Y’all been talking about me,” he stated sleepily.

“Only the good stuff,” Mom smiled.

“Uhuh,” he grunted. He sat up slowly, wrapping both his arms around his midsection and squeezing his eyes shut.

“You alright, baby?” Leighanne felt the familiar concern when her husband didn’t open his eyes.

“These drugs are going to be the end of me,” he muttered, tightening his arms around his stomach.

“Nauseous?” his wife asked.

Brian breathed out slowly, “Ugh,” he moaned, “Yep.”

“Just take deep breaths,” Leighanne insisted sternly.

Brian winced, doubling over as the cramps tripled in intensity, “Not working. I’mma be sick.”

“Can you get to the bathroom?”

“Think so,” Brian grunted before stumbling up from the couch and bounding through the door.

“Oh, that poor boy,” Mom mumbled, watching the door with a shocked expression, “Does that happen a lot?”

“It’s the side-effects,” Leighanne sighed, “He doesn’t usually actually throw up though.”

“Should we check on him?” Mom asked.

“I don’t think he’ll appreciate that very much,” Leighanne smiled slightly. The room stayed silent and she wished Brian would come back already so she could be rid of her mother’s pitiful stare. She could see there were a thousand questions in her mother’s eyes, but Leighanne wasn’t sure she wanted to answer any of them anymore. Brian’s absence continued for over ten minutes and Leighanne was starting to feel finicky. She wanted to see what took him so long, but wanted to give him his privacy as well.

“We should take a look,” Mom commented after five more minutes.

“Yes,” Leighanne agreed quickly before getting up.

She wished she hadn’t waited so long before going to check on Brian. He was bent over the toilet bowl, violent heaves wrecking his entire body. He was shaking uncontrollably, and Leighanne saw the sweat stream down his skin. His shivering intensified when she placed a careful hand on his back, rubbing gently as she heard the rasping breaths hitch in his throat.

He heaved again, his whole body clenching and his back arching painfully. He cried out in pain before throwing up in the toilet and Leighanne gasped in shock.

There was blood.

“Oh my God,” Mom breathed from the door before Leighanne could say anything. She turned around in the doorframe and yelled upstairs for her husband to come down. Leighanne tried to get Brian’s attention by grabbing his upper arm and looking into his face. His bloodshot eyes dazedly drifted towards her and he clumsily tried to hold on to her dressing gown.

“Brian? Brian, is it the drugs?” Leighanne asked urgently and her throat tightened as she felt Brian nod weakly against her.

“Don’t feel good,” he slurred, another tremor wrecking through him. His eyes started to droop and Leighanne made sure to tighten her grip on him.

“You gotta stay with me, alright?” she insisted, “These are some heavy-duty meds, you can’t fall asleep now.”

“It hurts,” Brian managed to get out between labored breaths.

Mom returned with Leighanne’s stepfather and Jef wasted no time in rushing in and kneeling besides the two on the floor next to the toilet. “How’s his pulse?”

“It’s really slow,” Mom replied and Leighanne looked at her in surprise, not having realized that her mother was next to her as well.

“His bloodpressure is dropping,” Jef grumbled, “We should get him to the hospital.”

“What’s happening to him?” Leighanne asked in a smothered voice.

“Seems like he has a bad reaction,” Jef explained quickly, “We gotta hurry though.”

As if on cue, Brian sagged against his wife, completely motionless. Leighanne couldn’t help the panic that was slowly suffocating her as they scrambled to get Brian into Jef’s old Jeep. She thanked the Lord for Jef’s medical training as she raked her fingers through Brian’s short hair during the drive. Upon arrival, the ER staff took him in immediately and Leighanne stared at their retreating forms in defeat.

It took forty minutes before somebody came to get them. Leighanne breathed again when she saw the relief on the guy’s face. “That was real close there for a second,” the doctor said, “But it looks like he’ll be fine.”

“Really?” Leighanne rushed.

“Yes,” the doctor agreed, “It was a pretty violent reaction to his medication. You mentioned Zyprexa?”

Leighanne nodded quickly, “Is that what caused this?”

“Probably,” the doctor said, “That’s some heavy stuff. Gotta be careful with it. Not many people are that allergic to it, but your husband came pretty close today.”

Leighanne felt the stone in her gut drop a few meters, “What about the blood?”

“That’s typical for a bad reaction to anti-psychotics,” he answered. “The good thing is that he pulled through it. He’s resting now. His vitals are up and he should be feeling back to normal in a few hours.”

“Thank you,” Mom said quicky.

Leighanne trembled in fear. She could have lost him today. Just like that. And later, much later, when she was lying on the kitchen floor, wounded, immobile. When the darkness was slowly closing in on her, she remembered how she could have lost him that day.