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It was late. Impossibly late. And Brian had made sure that nobody else in the house was awake at the time he sat down in the living room. Except for him and Bonnie, nobody else would need to know what was going on here.

Shaking with anticipation, he curled his fingers in Bonnie’s fur. The dog lay on his lap with her front legs, pressing her face into his chest reassuringly. He’d found that at this point, she was as dependent on him as he was on her. Their bond had strengthened tremendously over the past few weeks and the Border collie had soon become a source of comfort and trust, more so than Brian had found in a human being.

He took a deep breath, almost squeezing the remote to a pulp in his hand. And he knew he shouldn’t do it. He knew he’d been warned against doing this by mostly everybody. And he wouldn’t have. Not if he’d just been able to sleep tonight. Not if there wasn’t this tiny hint of curiosity gnawing at the back of his thoughts.

Not if Thomas would should up about it for even a second.

But the young man was almost giddy with excitement, which Brian knew he should find disturbing, but he didn’t. Thomas had his legs crossed and sat next to him on the sofa, intently staring at the TV screen, waiting for the static to change into actual footage.

And AJ had no idea. AJ trusted him. AJ had actually thought that Brian had really tuned out after what they’d watched that afternoon. AJ had almost panicked, but kept it together as he’d shut down the TV and announced they’d seen enough. And that had been Brian’s intention, actually. Because he knew he shouldn’t watch those last couple of videos with Nick and AJ watching over his shoulder. He knew that he should watch those alone.

And Thomas knew it too.

So he’d faked his meltdown, and poor AJ had had no idea that Brian had stolen the last tapes from the cabinet. Because you didn’t suspect a seemingly in shock person to steal from you.

And Brian was sorry, he truly was, but he really needed to do this.

And he was scared, so scared. He felt himself shaking and Bonnie whined softly as she looked up at him. He tightened his grip on the long fur of her neck and pressed play. The image on the TV was grainy and Brian had a hard time making out the figure on the chair. The camera circled the huddled man sitting there and Brian felt a shiver run down his spine.

“That’s you,” Thomas whispered in confirmation.

Brian nodded slowly; the room around him seemed to slowly disappear and all he could see was the slumped figure on the chair. It was real. So real. Had it ever been so real? He couldn’t breathe or think, just watch as the camera slowly zoomed in and he heard a laugh. The man in the chair seemed unconscious, but somehow, Brian knew he was just pretending. The pain would be less noticeable that way.

“Remember what he did to you?” Thomas whispered right beside him, “Remember what he did to us?”

The camera was finally still and focused on the man’s shaking legs and arms. A set of other arms appeared and grabbed the man’s hands.

“What are their names?” Thomas whispered in Brian’s ear, “This one goes out to your friends.”

And the memories came flooding down and Brian gasped for breath. He saw the monster take one of his fingers and felt it snap, felt the pain shoot through his hand, his arm, his whole body as his finger started to throb in earnest. “What are their names?” the monster screamed and Brian sobbed in confusion, because he didn’t know.

The monster took a second finger in his hand and Brian remembered begging him to stop, to let him think, but before he could get another word out, that finger snapped too and Brian screamed in pain, tears streaming down his cheeks as he writhed in the chair, trying to get away from the pain, from the monster, from that horrible place.

And the tape may have ended there, but Brian knew what happened after. He knew the torment was far from over. He remembered knives, and vicious kicks and utter humiliation as the monster used him in whatever way it pleased. And Brian remembered the dirty, unspeakable acts the monster bestowed upon him and the way it made him feel unclean and pathetic. And he remembered being forced to watch as Thomas had gotten the same treatment. He remembered being forced to...

“I don’t blame you, Brian,” Thomas said softly, still next to him, his face bruised and his body beaten. “You had no choice. Remember what he said to you?”

“If you don’t, I’ll kill him,” Brian whispered brokenly.

Thomas nodded calmly, “We were in there together,” he said, “We shared the same fate. But you were his favorite.”

“I would never kill you, dear, you’re my favorite,” Brian repeated, mesmerized. He felt lightheaded as the memories kept flooding through and he was unable to stop them. They attacked him, leaving deep, open tears in his mind and soul, bleeding and festering as they went. He grabbed his head, hearing a deep, anguished, wailing cry and only realizing much later that it was his own voice. Vaguely, he heard a panicked bark, saw Bonnie’s eyes, close to his, felt her tongue desperately licking his face, but he couldn’t find the comfort in her that he needed. He heard voices, not sure if they were real or not and screamed again, his head buried in his hands.

And he awoke alone, in a sweat, from an unknown nightmare in the dark. No.

Not alone.

Bonnie was still there.

And he knew he’d had a seizure from the way his head was pounding and his mind felt jumbled. And he wondered if anyone had heard Bonnie’s barks and knew that he’d watched the videos. He wondered if his wife had woken up and found him. But he couldn’t see her, even though he yearned for her touch, for her soothing words, her warming presence. He closed his eyes, counting to ten.

And she wasn’t there.