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The sounds of cheery holiday music filled the mall, mobs of people with their hands filled with shopping bags passed each other by, rushing off to the find the perfect gift.

"And smile!" Harry said as the camera flash went off.

The child on Santa's lap jumped down and ran off to their parents Bradley and Neilson sat on the steps of Santa's workshop, candy canes sticking out of their mouths.

“Okay so…so far this year has been…hell on earth” Bradley said, taking the candy cane out of his mouth “I’ve been shot, I’ve been kidnapped, I’ve almost been blown up in an explosion but out of all that…THIS is definitely the worst” he groaned, shoving the candy cane back into his mouth.

“Tell me about it, being buried alive doesn’t sound so bad right now” Neilson said.

Janitor Bob pushed a large broom ahead of him “Watch the feet there” he said to them “You must be the new hires” he said to them.

“Yes and as you can clearly see we’re just thrilled” Bradley said to him.

“Eh this job ain’t so bad…try being the big guy there” he said nodding towards Santa.

“Tell me something janitor Bob…have you ever been seventeen and emotionally blackmailed by your mother into dressing like an elf in public?” Neilson asked.

“Sure plenty of times” he said, they looked at him confusedly “just be careful around Santa alright? If he blows chunks again call me” he said pushing his broom and continuing his sweeping, they looked back at Santa.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite elves” Natalie said approaching Santa’s workshop, they both murmured and grumbled at her “Aw come on guys, no one likes a cranky elf” she said “Hi” she said kissing Neilson’s cheek as they stood up from the steps.

“Hey” he said.

“So how’s it going so far?” she asked.

“Insane...people are crazy this time of year, these two moms actually got into a fist fight over who’s kid was first to see Santa” he said sticking his candy cane back in his mouth “What’s up what are you doing here?” he asked.

“Just doing some last minute shopping” she said “Speaking of which I just picked up your gift and you are going to love it” she said.

His eyes got wide, realizing he completely forgot to buy Natalie a gift “Right! Gifts!” he said “Yay!” he said nervously “And don’t ask me what I got you because…it’s awesome” he said laughing.

“Great, I can’t wait, I’ll see you later” she said quickly kissing his lips “Bye Bradley” she said, he waved.

“I have to get her a present?!” Neilson asked Bradley.

“You don’t really get how this whole Christmas thing works huh?” Bradley asked.

“Dude I completely forgot, what do I do?” he asked.

“Get her something?” Bradley asked.

“Right…what do I get her?” Neilson asked.

“I don’t know, like jewelry or something?” Bradley asked.

“That could work” Neilson said.

“Or you could get her something that gets the job done when you can’t…” Bradley said

Neilson then turned to look at him and slapped him on the arm “You’re sick” he said as Bradley laughed.

"Guys...come on!" Harry said looking inside an empty basket "The candy canes are for the kids!" Harry said.

"They say peppermint's good for nausea, right?" Bradley asked.

"Yeah I guess, so?" Harry asked.

"Well, being dressed like this in public makes me nauseous" he said.

“You think YOU have it bad? I’ve been kicked by ten kids today!” Harry said irritated “My legs are going numb!” he whined.

Bradley suddenly kicked him in the shins, Harry grabbed his leg “Eleven” Bradley said as Neilson snickered.


"Okay...here you go" Kyle said handing a haphazardly wrapped present to a customer, she glared at him before walking away "I cannot get the hang of this" he said to Adam.

"Here we are" he said happily, his present was wrapped neatly and beautifully, Kyle looked at him in disbelief.

"Oh thank you so much young man" a woman said.

"No problem, Merry Christmas" Adam said smiling at the woman as she walked away, she then turned to glare at Kyle.

“Hey I’m the nice one, he’s Satan!” he yelled after her "Where the hell did that come from?!" Kyle asked.

“What?” Adam asked.

“You! Wrapping presents, being nice?!” Kyle asked.

"Believe it or not I am capable of being nice" Adam said to him.

“Adam, I’ve known you for most of my life, I’ve never seen you be nice once…to anyone…ever!” Kyle said.

“I’m going to get lunch, you want anything?” Adam asked.

“See what I mean? This is not you!” Kyle said as they climbed over the counter.


“Thank you and Happy Holidays” Sasha said to a customer.

"Mom" Neilson said coming into the store "We have a problem" he said to her.

“Neilson for the last time there is nothing I can do about the costumes!”

“Not that!” Neilson said to her “Santa’s wasted off his ass and passed out again!” he said.

She grumbled "Damn it Jerry not again!" she said storming out of the store, Neilson followed behind her.

Bradley and Harry stood and watched him as he passed out in Santa Claus' chair snoring away "Nothing says Christmas like a hung over Santa" Bradley said to Harry.

"What are we going to do? we got like fifty kids in line here" Harry said.

"Well first, I say we wake him up before he chokes on his own vomit" Bradley said.

Sasha stepped up to his chair and moved his head, it slumped forward, snorting and waking up "what happened?" he asked.

"Jerry, come on we're just going to take you into the break room so you can get some rest" Sasha said helping him out of the chair.

"Where's Santa going?" a child asked Bradley.

"Santa's a little schnockered" Bradley said to them "He's going to sleep it off."

"Bradley J.!" Sasha said as the kid ran away "Okay, everyone I’m really sorry but Santa’s Workshop is closed” Sasha said as everyone groaned “I’m so sorry but Santa’s not feeling too well…too much eggnog I guess” she said.

“Yeah sure eggnog” Bradley said making a drinking motion with his hand “Bradley!” she said “Why don't we all let Santa get some rest?" she asked “I'm sure he'll be awake and refreshed in no time.” Everyone groaned in annoyance, grumbling as they walked away with their children.

“Does this mean we can go home?” Neilson asked.

“No!” Sasha said to him “We’re going to stay here until we find another Santa” she said irritated. “okay, where am I going to find another Santa?"

“Santa problems?” janitor Bob asked.

“Bob WHY do they keep bringing this guy back as Santa? He’s awful” Sasha said to him.

“Yeah old Jerry’s quite the character, they say that doing this for so long is what drove him to drink in the first place” Bob said to her “I had to fill in for him for a few weeks a couple years back” he said.

“Really?” she asked “Would you be willing to be Santa again?” she asked.

“It’d be my pleasure” Bob said.

“Oh thank you so much!” Sasha said hugging him, he chuckled lightly “Maybe we can find another suit somewhere” Sasha said.

“No need, got my own suit, I’ll be ready in an hour” Bob said to her.

“Oh my god, thank you!” she said hugging him once more as he laughed happily.


Kyle and Adam sat in the mall's food court, Harry groaned as he slowly approached the table, trying to move his legs as little as possible “What happened to you?” Kyle asked.

“I hate kids!” Harry whined, tears filling his eyes, he gasped as Kyle gingerly placed an ice pack on his leg and then sighed in relief as the cold struck the sore spots.

“Just kick ‘em back!” Adam said to him.

“I’m not going to kick children!” Harry said to him.

“Want me to do it?” Adam asked him.

Bradley and Neilson approached their table, still clad in their elf costumes “Oh look who it is, Elfley and Elfson” Kyle said amused.

“Oh look Neilson, it’s Satan and douchebag” Bradley said to Neilson.

“Okay mine was cute, yours is just mean” Kyle said as they sat down “So how are things in Santa town?” Kyle asked.

“You mean besides the fact that the mall Santa is a hopeless drunk who decides to come to work severely hungover and just passed out with a kid in his lap?” Neilson asked.

“Yeah that’s actually why we’re here, we have a proposition for you guys" Bradley said as they sat down.

"We will give you all the money we make from this job if you will just trade places with us" Neilson said to them.

Kyle and Adam turned to look at each other before turning back to them "No" they both said.

"Oh come on!" Bradley said.

"Fine, we'll give you 300 bucks each and all the candy canes you want" Neilson said.

"No" they said once again.

"Five hundred" Neilson said.

"You don't even have five hundred dollars" Kyle said to them.

"It wouldn't be that hard to get" Neilson said to him.

"Show us the money and we'll talk" Adam said to them.

"Damn it!" Bradley said.

"Fine...we're taking your fries!" Neilson said picking up the basket of Kyle's French fries and walking away.


Neilson came into the house, a shopping bag in his hand “Hey, I’m glad you’re here” he said to Bradley “I think I found the perfect gift for Nat” he said pulling something out of the bag “What do you think?” he asked showing Bradley a very large, oversized sweater.

“You got her a car cover?” Bradley asked.

“It’s a sweater” Neilson said to him.

“Neilson she’s a size 2 not 200!” Bradley said to him.

”Alright that’s it, I give up, I’m not good at this” Neilson said irritated.

“Just get her something else” Bradley said to him.

“I’m so tired! I don’t want to shop anymore!” he whined as he flung himself across the couch, his body laying across the couch’s arm.

“Well here’s an insane concept…ask her!” Bradley said.

“I can’t ask her then she’ll know I haven’t actually gotten her anything yet!” Neilson said “And what if I ask her and she says she already told me and then gets mad if she thinks I forgot?!”

They heard a groaning sound fill the room, looking around in confusion “Help” the voice whined.

“What are you doing?” Bradley asked him.

“That’s not me” Neilson said to him, they looked around as the sound continued.

They followed the sound to the fireplace, crouching down and looking up into the chimney.

Brian sat in the kitchen, the phone pressed up against his ear “So it’ll be here for Christmas?” he asked “Oh that’s great, listen I can’t thank you enough for doing this” he said, Bradley entered the kitchen.

“Dad” Bradley said to him.

“Just a minute” Brian said to him.

“Dad…” Bradley said once again.

“Shh!” Brian said when Bradley began poking him over and over again “What?!” he asked Bradley.

“Nick’s stuck in the chimney” Bradley said.

“...Yeah I got to go, we’ll talk soon, okay bye” he said rolling his eyes.

Awhile later the front doors opened, Nick stood there black with soot and dirt, Bradley and Neilson looked at him, sly grins on their faces “Do not say anything!” he said to them.

“So…you going to tell me why I just had to go up to the roof and pull you out of the chimney?” Brian asked.

“I was hanging the outside lights…I tripped” Nick said shamefully.

“So you fell IN the chimney?” Brian asked.

“Oh alright fine I just wanted to see if I would fit!” Nick said irritated.

“I’m not imagining this right? My father willingly climbed into a chimney...” Neilson asked Bradley.

“And got stuck, yes” Bradley said to him, he nodded.

“Just when we thought he couldn’t get any worst” Neilson said.

Out! Now!” he said to them.

“Look, I talked to Christina, she and Melissa are going to come over and take care of the decorations alright?” Brian asked.

“What? No! I can do this!” Nick said.

“You got stuck in the chimney!” Brian said.

“Oh like you never wondered what it would be like to go down a chimney!” Nick said.

“No…can’t say that I ever had that urge” Brian said to him.

“I’m telling you, I can decorate this house, just you watch” Nick said.

“Fine, but try and keep in mind that the boys have already been in one explosion this year…I think that’s enough” Brian said sitting on the couch and turning on the TV.

Nick laughed sarcastically “I mean it, I am decorating this house even if it kills me” he said suddenly falling to the floor, Brian opened his mouth to speak “Shut it!” Nick said from behind the couch.