Anger could not even begin to steam out from within me and how AJ could ultimately betray everything I thought we had an understanding for.
Brian accompanied me and I felt his hand lightly touching my shoulder, anxiety getting in the way...shadows of flames protruding against my wall. I glanced up watching the green-filled scenery gulping in my mind that was recently reckless. My wrists still burning from the assault I caused, a tear soon found a trail and fled towards its comforting nest.
The ride was mostly a quiet one and although I must admit that I have a love and a hatred towards silence, I felt relived for once.
I leaned heavily on the window, misting a little from the soft rain spreading outside and I could not help but think they were praying for not only for myself but others like me.
" Nicky...." Brian spoke for the first time since we piled into the van feeling a sense of worry beneath his southern voice. My dull eyes never completing his own.
He then grabbed both my trembling hands and slowly rubbed them, trying to reassure me that everything was going to come in circle eventually.
I've had my doubts.
" Listen...I know your upset and scared but know that we are going to be here for you..no matter what." He gently said and finally looked deeply at him, contemplating what I should say next.
My only response was a swift nod as we reached to the place AJ suggested will actually help me.
A question still thirsts upon my lips. I couldn't even help but to let them out in a solemn string that would accompany me later on.
" What about the tour?" I asked quietly and Brian just gave an astonished appearance.
" We are not worried about that at the moment..what matters NOW is to get the help you need." he answered causing me to turn the other direction.
" Oh sure! And what will the fans say...or the media!!!" I exclaimed slightly in rage, the other was more concern than anything else I could not keep sacred.
" Again Nicky....we will handle all of that...its going to be fine."
I grumbled as we got out taking out a couple of bags and started to walk towards this place.
BROOKS OWN HEART the sign read as I snorted thinking this sounded more of a cheap love song than an institution.
When we reached the front desk, a short but beautiful woman quickly smiled as another admission of comfort.
" Hello! How may I help you today?" Even her voice was sweet and dripping of honey. My heart fluttered but took a hold of my posture.
Luckily Brian spoke up for me.
" Yes um....we are admitting my friend here..Nick..." He stuttered wondering if he was just as nervous as me.
" Oh yes! I remember from Mr. Mcleans account...follow me and I will show you to your room.
The hallway was narrow and covered in a variety shades of blue. It as spotless clean as well as I drink in my surroundings.
I took note of the people around me and some are around my age, others were a lot older. This one man slumped against the walls and counting backwards to himself.
Suddenly I lost all sense of who I was and why I was even here.
We reached my room which was smaller than what I'm used to, simply designed with a bed, a desk with a lamp, paper and pencils, a couple of books.
I threw my bags on my bed as the nurse spoke again.
" So we will have group meetings and various activities throughout the day. We have a tight schedule which we will later explain to you as you get comfortable. Do you have any questions?" She asked politely as I could not get over her lovely voice.
" No." I answered weakly and left the room, giving Brian and I a chance to say goodbye.
He sighs as he snaked his hand through his short hair and gave me a sheepish smile.
" Nick...." He began while I quickly cut him off.
" Bri...it's ok, you guys were right. Maybe this is just what I needed."
Brian approached me and gave me a bone-crushing hug and I grabbed onto in full force not ready for him to leave me just yet. I dipped my head into his shoulders and implode into tears and sobs I did not confirm.
" Shhh....It will be all right buddy, we will all visit you ok?" As he cupped my face in his hands and I nodded again, resisting my voice. I wiped away the tears as Brian left.
I sat on my bed waiting for the beautiful nurse to come back. My hands playing with each other as I grew bored and finally laid down...closing my eyes...dreaming existence to become aware the wounds never to be revealed itself among a dying refuge.
I woke up with a soft knock on the door and my eyes adjusting to the darkness. Have I slept that long?
" Nick? Are you up to eating?" A voice I did not know ask me. Must be a new nurse I thought.
" Um...sure I guess.." I replied as she came over with a tray and a couple of cups which I didn't know at first what it contains.
This nurse was beautiful like the last one and I could not help and smirk at various nurses that worked here. I think I am going to get used to this place after all.
She set down the tray and the pit of my stomach turned as I saw the cups I questioned before contains a small amount of water and a few pills.
The other guys didn't know but I abruptly stop taking my medication which probably would explain why I have done the awful deeds I had known to love.
I glanced down at my wrist which Kevin wrapped for me and stared at them so long I forgot the nurse was still in the room.
" Would you like me to re-bandage that?" She asked and I shook my head. Loneliness is what I truly needed right now.
" Ok sweetie, my name is Delilah and if you need anything do not hesitate to ask." She calmly said as I started to eat my dinner while she gave me the rundown on tomorrow's task.
She mentioned group meetings which naturally I was afraid to do seeing how I was never really open into talking about it never mind within a group of strangers.
I thought about the possibility of anyone recognizing me but simply threw that out.
As I finished and the facilities bedtime a ways away, I sauntered over to the desk.
The pens and pencils glittering as I took one along with paper and started to write down the war that I had fought for way too long and did not want to lose....not this time at least.
As a smile spread across my face, I was passionate to be able to overcome this!
Losing myself upon my writings I didn't notice when Delilah came back to remind me it was bedtime.
Tucking away the several pages of this, I undressed and promptly lie down in my bed, my words just written still fresh in my head.
Unfortunately when it comes to war, there is always a peace before the thunder and knew very well this amazing feeling will not indeed last.