Faithfully
Chapter 15
By Dottie
Copyright 2016
Jessi’s POV
It takes about a week to find a house. I’ve had a friend of Thad’s as a financial advisor because, let’s face it, $2 million doesn’t go very far in today’s society. When we were on the tour, Nick paid for everything…the money sat untouched. While the bulk is still there, buying a house in Australia and now renting one here in Washington, has taken out a hefty chunk. I’ll have to conserve what I have to take care of Haley Jo and once she’s old enough, I’ll be looking for a job.
Thankfully, the house we rented is furnished and it’s really not too expensive. Nick volunteered to get groceries so I could rest. I’m seven weeks from my due date and my new OB-GYN told me she doubts I’ll make it to term. I need to talk to Hanna Jo. I’m scared.
She answers on the second ring with a surly, “Hello?”
I sigh. “Please stop being mad at me Ho Jo. I can’t take it.”
Her voice softens. “Jessi, I just feel like you should be here with us. Not in some strange city.”
I sigh. “I wish I could be there, but I can’t fly…driving that far is definitely not gonna work with me going to the bathroom every half hour. I just…this is what’s best for Haley Jo. Please understand.”
She sniffles. “I know. But you’ve been gone so long. I want you to come home.”
I feel a smile tug at my lips. “Well, Ho Jo, after your goddaughter arrives, I think we’ll all come home. I just…I need your help with something.”
She sounds eager. “Anything. Name it.”
I squirm on the couch trying to find a comfortable way to sit. “Once I’ve recovered from the delivery, I’m going to have to get a job. That $2 million from the bank isn’t going to last forever and I want to make sure Haley Jo is taken care of.”
I can almost see her pacing her kitchen. “Well, I suppose I could help you find a job if you want, but you can always work here with us.”
I shake my head. “I knew you’d say that. And I appreciate it. But I need to stand on my own two feet.”
After a lengthy pause she asks, “What about Nick?”
I close my eyes. “Ho Jo, you know me. Every part of my heart wants to spend the rest of my life with Nick. Dr. Nguyen thinks we can…she thinks…I think…Hanna Jo, I KNOW with all my heart Nick made the only choice he could. Thad and Nick both think I should hate them, but I don’t. I can’t. I’ve been backed into corners my whole life and I’ve been forced to do some despicable things. What they did they had to do. How could I possibly hate either of them?”
She’s crying in earnest now. “Oh Jessi, I’ve prayed for you and Nick. I know he was devastated…we all were. But I knew when Thad told me you were getting help that you were gonna be ok. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known.”
I feel tears trickle down my cheeks. “I have another session this afternoon with Dr. Nguyen. She wants Nick to be there and I want him to be there but I’m worried he’ll back out.”
From behind me, I hear Nick say, “I won’t back out Jessi.”
I look over my shoulder. He looks overwhelmed. I say, “Hanna Jo, let me call you back this evening ok?”
She knows something’s going on. “If you don’t call me, I’m on the first flight out tomorrow, I promise you this.”
I hang up, struggling to stand. I waddle over to Nick and say, “What’s wrong?”
He drops the bags in his hands and reaches for me. He cups my face gently and whispers, “You really want to be with me?”
I nod slowly. “I’ve always wanted to be with you Nick…even when I thought it was just for sex.”
We both wince at that word. He wipes the tears from my cheeks. “I love you.”
I smile up at him. “I love you too.”
He takes a deep breath. “What time do you call Dr. Nguyen?”
I glance at the clock. “In about an hour, why?”
He slowly lowers his hands from my face and bends to pick up the groceries. “Because I want to talk to you about you working.”
I follow him into the kitchen. He’s basically taken over the house. He does all the cooking and cleaning. I perch on a chair and say, “You were listening a long time.”
He blushes. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be sneaky. I was gonna leave you alone until you asked Hanna Jo to help you find a job.” After putting away the perishable food, he joins me at the table. “I don’t want you to work Jessi. I want you to be home with Haley Jo. I’ll take care of you.”
Before I can say anything, my phone rings. Nick runs into the living room and grabs it, bringing it back to me. I connect the call, all while reeling from his declaration. “Hello Dr. Nguyen, I thought I was supposed to call you in an hour.”
She laughs. “I had a cancellation and I was hoping if you’re free we can have our session. My daughter has a recital tonight.”
I start to push myself to my feet. Nick is there to help me. “Of course, I’ll sign on now.”
I hear papers rustling. “Will Nick be there?”
I look up at Nick and say, “He will.”
I can feel the warmth of her smile. “Good. You’ve come a long way, Jessi. And with your permission, I’d like to explain some things to Nick.”
As I’m logging on to have my Skype therapy session, I say, “Of course you can.”
Once we’re settled at the desk, Nick grabs my pillow. I gratefully lean forward so he can arrange it against the small of my back. Dr. Nguyen looks at Nick and says, “I’m glad you’ve agreed to this, Nick. I think you’ll be surprised at what I’m going to tell you.”
He looks at me and then back to the screen. “What do you mean?”
She smiles, opening my folder. “Jessi has given me permission to share some things with you. I think it’s important that you know so you can decide what it is you really want to do with your future.”
I can tell he’s nervous. “I don’t think I understand.”
She nods, looking at me. “Are you ready Jessi?” I only nod, knowing if I speak I just might chicken out. She puts on her glasses. “Good. So Nick, the first time I saw Jessi, it was to help her cope with the rape.” She’s very matter of fact, which is good. She doesn’t give Nick time to dwell on anything. She continues in a more conversational tone. “I’m not going to give you details because frankly, the details don’t matter. What does matter is what I learned in my sessions with Jessi.”
I can see Nick is pale as a ghost. I reach for his hand, surprised that he lets me take it. “I don’t…understand.”
She nods. “I know you don’t. So let me explain.” He nods and she says, “Nick, the one thing that came through loud and clear during all my sessions with Jessi is that she loves you. She’s always loved you and she always will. She was hurt for a while because in the heat of the moment she thought you were just like all the other men that sexually abused her.” After a lengthy pause, she says, “I had spoken at length to Mr. Westcott about what happened at the bank and about the assault on the boat.”
I look at her, utterly shocked. “You knew?”
She nods. “I did. But I didn’t want to tell you I knew.”
I squeeze Nick’s hand. “Why?”
She flips to another page in her file. “Jessi, what do you remember about our first sessions?”
I start to blush. “I was mad…furious. I screamed and I cried.”
She nods. “You did…and through it all you kept saying ‘I love him’. Over and over. It was like a mantra to keep you grounded. Even though you thought your husband had given you to another man, you loved him.” I look down at my lap. Nick tries to pull his hand away but I don’t let him. “Jessi, in your heart you knew he would never had given you to any man for any reason. You were so lost because you couldn’t find the explanation on your own. And it was important that Hanna Jo be the one to tell you.” She turns her attention to Nick. “Nick, can you tell me why you didn’t tell her about Hanna Jo and her family being kidnapped.”
I hear him sigh. I look over at him but he won’t look at me. He stares at the desk. “I knew if she knew the truth, she’d give Donnie what he wanted. And I didn’t want him to win that way. I knew she’d hate herself forever but she would have slept with him to protect Hanna Jo. I thought…I thought if she blamed me, she’d be brave enough to fight him.” I watch the tears fall from his eyes. “I knew she’d probably never forgive me, but I wanted her to fight.”
I glance at Dr. Nguyen. She’s watching Nick. “She did fight Nick. She’s still fighting him. What happened to her was horrific, but she’s healing. She’s doing very well in accepting what happened and moving on.” She looks at me. “You are Jessi. You have this uncanny knack for letting things go.”
I shake my head. “No I don’t. I never felt like I was good enough to be Nick’s wife. My past, the things I did…”
Dr. Nguyen shakes her head. “I’m not talking about your own choices, Jessi. I’m talking about the things other people made you do. You don’t blame them, you blame yourself. You take the blame for other’s actions and you shouldn’t. Yes, you made the decision, but you were backed into a corner and you weren’t given much of a choice.” She pauses. “Think about why you fought Donnie. Why you’re still fighting him now.”
My mouth drops open. “I…he was going to hurt Nick and Hanna Jo. Even before that night…He was going to hurt the people I love most and I wasn’t going to let him do it.” I turn to Nick. “I…couldn’t stand the thought of him ruining your life because of the choices I made in the past.”
Nick struggles to speak. Finally, he says, “My career didn’t matter Jessi. Only you mattered and I couldn’t make you understand that.”
Dr. Nguyen butts in. “She couldn’t understand because she was filled with self-loathing.” After a lengthy pause she says, “Jessi, I’ll be honest with you, you hated yourself so much, I fully expected you to tell me you had tried to commit suicide.”
My heart is pounding. Nick reaches for me. I stare at Dr. Nguyen. “I did hate myself…but I never even considered…”
She smiles. “And I’m glad you didn’t. But your whole life you’ve been disappointed with yourself because of things you couldn’t control. You’re a survivor. You’ve survived two rapes, being sexually molested and being blackmailed. That happened because you’re a strong person.” She turns to Nick. “I get the feeling Nick, that you’re not as strong…you did try to commit suicide at one point, didn’t you?”
I gasp, turning to look fully at Nick. He’s staring at the desk again. “I don’t…”
I reach for him with both hands. “Nick, look at me. LOOK at me.” When his eyes meet mine, I see a torrent of emotion. “Don’t you EVER…OH!”
I gasp as my body is racked with pain. Nick grabs me. “Jessi?”
Dr. Nguyen is concerned. “Jessi, what happened?”
I gasp for air as my stomach clenches. “I don’t think this is a gas bubble.”
Nick glances at the computer. Dr. Nguyen says, “Call for an ambulance. Now!”
As Nick runs for his phone, I look up at her. “Dr. Nguyen, thank you.”
She smiles. “Our sessions will continue, but I think you’re going to be alright. Especially with your husband back where he belongs.”
Chapter End Notes:
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